B-roll
by iluvtwilightmre
Summary: The world of acting is a difficult one, but it's her heart and soul. What happens when Bella comes across a fellow actor at a party one evening, only to find out he's not who she thought he was? When he's much more, but then, not at all? When there's passion and drive? When her life suddenly... changes? Boys & girls, Hollywood is not what it seems. ON HIATUS.
1. Yeah, I'm Not Booking That

**_Twilight_ belongs to Steph. Not my actor ass.  
**

**This drabble is NOT beta-d, and will post once a day :)**

**B-roll Definition:**

**(_Film Term_)The unprinted takes of a scene held on a separate roll of film. Sometimes forgotten, but sometimes returned to in desperation, when, like buried treasure found in the desert, some useful moment is discovered-unprinted but recorded-on the B-roll.**

* * *

"Okay, that was great! Thanks for comin' in!"

"Thank you so much, it was great meeting you!"

"You too!"

I walk out of the taping room and shut the door behind me, my face already starting to hurt from smiling so fucking much.

_Yeah, I'm not booking that part_.

I sigh, already feeling like shit, as I do most times after an audition. I can almost always tell when I've fucked myself.

_Ugh, fucking fuck fuck_. That fucking sucked ass. I cannot fucking _believe_ she had to ask me not to take such a long motherfucking pause—I was following the motherfucking sides!

I can feel my anxiety creeping its way into my mind, making me doubt my abilities and myself.

I feel another sigh coming on.

_Ha ha. Coming on._

…

I cannot fucking believe how many damn moments I missed in there.

"God _dammit_, " I finally let out as I'm safely through the office doors and walking towards the elevator.

My eyes start to tear up as I watch the numbers descend; I tilt my head backwards and look towards the heavens, forcing the tears the fuck away, and wiping the few little shits whom have managed to escape.

…

Fucking shit.

I love this project. I mean I really _love_ this one; the script is beautifully written, and for the first time in _forever_, I can connect with the character. Plus, I really need the money this film would have given me.

_Ha. Could finally start paying el padre back._

"Ah!"

Oh. That would be my ass vibrating.

I grab my phone from my back pocket and lo and behold, it's a text from Rose.

**Row-sah-lee**: U done

**Me**: Yes.

**Row-sah-lee**: And

**Me**: What do you think.

**Row-sah-lee**: Feel lke shit?

**Me**: Yessum.

**Row-sah-lee**: Well gt ur ass bck hme

**Row-sah-lee**: And will u plz stop & get sme soy mlk at TJs

**Me**: Yessum.

**Row-sah-lee**: Ur nt a blck slave bella

**Me**: IT MAKES ME HAPPY.

**Row-sah-lee**: Yessum

* * *

**A/N:**

**Welcome to "B-roll"!**

**This is my first drabble...**

**Author's say 'write about what you know', and this is what I know :)**

**Lots of love and soy milk to you all!**

**I'm on the tweeter by the way= iluvtwilightmre**


	2. Home is Not Where The Heart is

**Do I have to say that Steph owns _Twilight_ and not me? Well, I'll do it this once.**

**Twilight is not mine.**

* * *

I shake the square box of soymilk rapidly as I walk through one of the doors of Rose's and mine one bedroom apartment in Burbank.

"Is that my soymilk!"

"Yes!"

"Put it in the fridge!"

I nod even though she can't see me. Rose walks out from her bedroom, looking like a damn sex kitten in her white cutoff t-shirt and daisy dukes. Bitch isn't even wearing a bra.

Okay, let me just get this out of the way before you think I'm a lesbian: Rosalie is like walking sex—she is perhaps the sexiest and most beautiful girl I have ever seen, and I live in fucking LA. Bangin' body, perfect face, etc. When I say she looks like a sex kitten, it's a literal fact. Not my opinion

"So you feel like shit?" Rose asks me, in her usual bored tone.

"Yeah. And what sucks is that it was Denise Chamian."

"Shit."

"I know!" I pause a moment. "When you go in to see her, is she kinda stand-offish with you? Because she was kind of a biotch to me. And I even pulled my whole _I'm super friendly and nice and happy crap too_."

Rose gives me the 'are you really asking _me_ that?' eyes. "Oh right. I forgot. You're you."

"Bella, sexy looks sell. It's not my fault." I nod. I _do_ know this. But it doesn't stop my heart from breaking when Rose comes home and tells me she's booked yet _another_ job.

_To be a consistently working actress in LA. Holy Shit._

It also breaks my heart to know that while I may not be as aesthetically pleasing to look at, I _am_ the better actor. Unfortunately, in motherfucking Los Angeles, relying on talent alone will get you nowhere: it's a combination of talent, looks, luck and contacts.

"So, when do you shoot the AT&T commercial?" I don't want to ask her about this, but I need to borrow her car in a few days for work.

"In two days—I'm so fucking excited for this one! They're giving me a personal assistant and they've expanded my trailer since the last one."

I raise my eyebrows in supposed surprise to keep from frowning. "All because of _American Pie_?" Rose finished filming for the newest _American Pie_ movie almost a month ago, and is now reaping the benefits.

"Well yeah, ever since I signed with ICM I've had them pull for more in my contracts." I nod. That seems to be my thing.

"Cool. So, if you're going to be on set all day, do you think I could borrow your car? I'm scheduled at work for that afternoon until late in the morning."

"That's fine. Just make sure to leave some gas."

"Will do—thank you."

"Oh hey! I got another one of those e-mails from _actors access_ about a breakdown, and I think they're looking for a brunette, 18-25 or something."

"Oh! Okay great, I'll go look for it now."

Rose chuckles and walks back into her, leaving the door open slightly. "I really should just delete my account. It's not like I need it anymore," she yells out to me.

I bit my lip. Hard. "Yep!" Walking over to my living area, consisting of a large futon, two nightstands on either side, a tall mirror, and a folding divider acting as my 'door', I set my bag down and open up my laptop. After making five tabs I fill each one with the respective websites: _actors access_, _LA Casting Networks_, _Backstage_, _Craigslist_, and _Acting-Auditions_. I spend 30 minutes on each, going through the 'breakdowns fits for me'; I submit to a SAG-AFTRA project—knowing I wont be called in for it, fucking _duh_,—and a non-union with some student films.

…

I sigh deeply, trying not to let this bring me further down in the pits of acting hell.

_Oh look! It's Mr. Banner telling me to try the mirroring exercise again._

_And 'copy and credit' breakdowns._

"Mmmmmhhhummmmmmmuugggg."

"What."

"The breakdowns are absolute shit today."

"What about the one I told you about."

"The character has to go full frontal." Rose nods; she doesn't agree with me, but she gets it. I close the laptop and get up to grab a hoodie out of the coat closet-turned-my-closet; Los Angeles may be hot during the day, but come nighttime it's a frickin' icebox.

"By the way Jasper invited us to a _William Morris_ party tomorrow night. I said we were going."

"Rosalie: I hate people."

* * *

**A/N: I'm very excited about this one :)**

**I already have the first six chapters done and I'm moving full steam ahead!**

**If you don't already know about my other story _Let Me Hear Your Body Talk_, it's in need of some love.**

**ALSO, as this story progresses, there will be more film terms, of which I'll hopefully remember to post definitions down here...**

**Find me on twitter= iluvtwilightmre**

**Lots of love!**


	3. Rather Be a Hermit

**As opposed to posting a few days a week, I've decided to try posting once a day, as I already have a bunch of chapters pre-written...**

**See you at the bottom!**

* * *

"Okay, that's gunna be $46.68 ladies," the cabbie informs us.

"Rose, why the hell didn't we just drive? $50? Seriously?"

"This is LA Bella. It takes fucking forever to get anywhere. Plus, I plan on drinking tonight, maybe even going home with someone. And you're a shit driver."

"We can't all be assholes when we drive."

"Keep the change," Rose says, handing over a 50-dollar bill. As Rose steps out of the cab, I fix the top thingy Rose put on me, feeling like my boobs are going to fall out any second.

_Meehehe. I want my bathrobe and books_ _and wheat square crackers_.

*****_**The Previous Night**_*

"How the hell did Jasper even get invited to a William Morris party!"

"They just signed him."

"Holy SHIT! No freakin' way, that's awesome!"

Rose nods. "Mmhum."

"Well, I mean that's great for him, he deserves it. He's the best dialect coach I've ever seen." She rolls her eyes at my praise for her twin brother.

"So you're coming then."

"Rose I—I just—Rose, I just don't, I just don't feel like dealing with people. Especially because they're important people and I'll end up doing my 'actor shit' all night."

"So don't so your actor shit then!"

"It's not that simple! I can't help if I get nervous!"

"Bella I don't know what to tell you; this is going to be a fucking awesome party with people you can make contacts with. If you don't go then you're just being a fucking moron."

…

_Fucking fuck fuck_.

I sigh in defeat; I know she's right.

_I should become a hermit_.

"There. It's done," she says, I'm assuming while finishing a text to Jasper.

…

The next morning I wake up, and I can already feel the familiar anxiety filtering its way throughout my entire body; my hands are clammy, I'm sweating like a motherfucking pig, I'm shaking, I can't eat because my stomach hurts from the diarrhea, and so on.

I stay in bed, reading on my phone, until Rosalie tells me to 'get the fuck up and take a damn shower.' I feel a tad better afterwards and say nothing as she puts my hair up into a twisty-bun thing and puts red lipstick on me. "Go put a little bit of black liquid liner on the tops of lids and then put that all on," pointing to the clothes she's laid out on my futon. I don't protest, although if I had energy I sure as fucking hell would. Rosalie's decided to don my body with a "bustier" top in black with fabric frilling out on the bottom, black leather skinny pants and some black velvet t-strap pumps to finish. I add my long gold necklace, with its small square plate dangling from the thin chain, engraved with my favorite quote. I let it settle underneath the top, between my boobs.

"I'm ready and the cab should be here in a few minutes." Rose looks like, well a _Victoria's Secret_ model in a little grey bandage dress. As I quickly grab my new business cards and shove them into the clutch, I ask her why we aren't taking her car. "Fuck my car. The cab's here."

*****_**Present**_*

I almost fall on my ass a few times before I can catch up to Rosalie as she struts her way to the entrance of the _W Hotel_; we're in downtown Hollywood, and there's motherfucking people and tourists everywhere, and it's busy as fuck, and there's cars, and I want to die and pee, and I can't _believe _we're at the _W Hotel_ going to a WME party, and I want to pee, and—

"Rose you bitch! And Bella!"

"Jasper I need to pee!"

* * *

**A/N: Without reviews, I have no idea whether or not you readers are enjoying this!**

**You gots ta let me know...**

**Lots of love and wheat crackers!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	4. Ninety-nine Percent Shine

Jasper chuckles, in his Jasper-like way. "Well the restrooms here are awesome, so feel free to take leisurely piss."

"That's lovely," Rosalie spats.

"Dark as fuck in there though; actually the entire hotel has the same dark, glowy purple-black light thing going on."

"That's great, but I really need to pee!"

"Yeah here, come with me—you girls will need me to get past the sign-in table and security. Lots of big-wigs and clients here tonight." He puts his arm around my waist and begins to drag me over to the aforementioned area, with Rose following in a huff.

As we near the security, Jasper gives his name and flashes his ID and tells them we're his plus two; once we're inside I think I suddenly go blind.

_Oh wait, no, it's just really fucking dark in here._

"What the hell!"

"I know, but you get used to it; it's actually pretty cool once your eyes adjust and you can look around," he explains.

Yeah. I don't see that happening anytime soon.

"Blue, it's really fucking dark!"

"Well can you see the door right in front of you with the letter W?"

"Yes."

"Well in you go then. Rose and I are going to head to the bar—it's crazy, they've rented out the entire first floor!"

"Kay."

I do my thing and walk out of the stall after fixing my boobs again; I see a pretty redhead fixing her lipstick as I move to wash my hands.

…

_It's fucking Amy Adams!_

I squeeze my toes together so tightly to keep myself from saying anything; I figure she's at an event for her agency, so why the fuck would she want to be bothered, especially because I'm not even signed with WME.

I'm just another actor in Los Angeles, trying to do what she's done.

"You're not signed with William Morris, are you."

I look up from my now raw-red hands. "Uh, no?"

Amy Adams is speaking to me.

She smiles and chuckles softly. "I thought that might be the case."

I so badly want to seem awesome and unfazed by her. "Uh, I—I don't know what you mean by that."

"You have this shine in your eyes—it shows me that you're not part of the one percent."

"Uh… I mean—I mean I guess—uh, I'm sorry I don't know what that means. I mean I _know_ what the one percent is but I don't know what a 'shine in my eyes' means?"

"No no no, it's not a bad thing! Not at all!" She laughs again. "In my opinion, and I'm sure in other's too, when you become part of the one percent, well, your life as an actor becomes more difficult and trying. That's not to say we're not thankful, because most of us are, and for me personally, to just act is everything I've ever wanted. I'm saying that people who become part of the percent most often… lose that brightness in their eyes. You have that. So I'm assuming you're here with a friend, and you're a actor as well?"

_I love her_.

I nod. "My friend Jasper Hale was just signed as a dialect coach. And yes, I act."

"Oh, yeah! I've just recently started to hear about him—I've heard he's really great."

"I agree," I say with a smile.

"It was nice meeting you...?"

"Bella."

"It was very nice to meet you Bella. Best of luck to you."

"Thank you." And with that she left.

Turning to look at myself in the mirror, I feel slightly better than I was 10 minutes ago. I close my eyes and exhale deeply, while pulling the chain out of my tits. I close the square within my palm and mouth the words of the quote to my fist. I kiss it.

_I am an actor. I am an actor because I can do nothing else._

I open my eyes, release the necklace, and smile to myself.

"You got this. You _got_ this."

I walk out of the restroom and scan the big-ass motherfucking area.

The bar. Alcohol. _Yes_.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Thank you to all whom have 'favorite-d' and 'alerted' me and this fic!**

**Are you ready to meet Edward yet?**

**Ya know, I AM considering posting more than once a day, BUT, without any reviews, I haz no ideer whether or not I should...**

**The first 10 reviews for another chapter?**

**Lots of love & advice from Amy Adams!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	5. Bigwigs Are Big

**Steph owns Twilight, not me.**

**SURVEY TIME: At which point in the day do you most often visit ff?**

**Please let me know in a review!**

* * *

I'm in the process of drinking my first strawberry daiquiri when I realize I haven't congratulated Jasper on his signing. "Blue! Shit I totally haven't congratulated you!"

"Bumble it's fine. I know you're happy for me," he says with a genuine smile.

"No Jasper, I'm so happy for you; you're incredible talented at what you do and you _do_ deserve this." He smile widens as he plants a quick kiss on my cheek. "So what's next? You're signed, so what now? Have you had any offers?"

"Actually yes; I just signed the contract this morning to be brought on for this new Fox Searchlight project."

"_Jasper_! That's so great! What's the project, tell me about it."

He shakes his head even before I can finish. "I can't, I'm not allowed." I nod; I get it, this isn't uncommon.

"When do you head to set?"

"A few days; it's pretty basic work—some accent elimination for the lead actress and a Chicago accent for the lead actor."

"Very cool." I look around, finally taking in the floor. "Dude, it's still really hard to see; that whole 'your eyes will adjust' crap is BS."

"Jasper and I can both see just fine Bella."

"Of course you can Rose."

"Oh shit, okay there's Patrick Whitesell," says Rosalie, running her fingers through her hair and fixing her boobs. She walks about, headed straight for the co-CEO; I see her strut, stop where he's sitting with a few other men, and sit next to . She's laughing with him and soon a martini arrives for her. I look away.

_That's right Rose. Schmooze even though you're already repped._

"My sister's such a tramp sometimes."

"There's nothing wrong with networking Jasper—everybody has to do it to get anywhere. I'm sure she's just being friendly."

"She's acting like a tramp Bumble"

"She's a consistently working actor."

"She's shit."

"Jasper!"

"I'm her brother Bella, I can see shit that you can't. I'm telling you she's a shit actor."

I give him the eyes and the side dip of the head that says, 'you're right but I can't agree with you'.

Two daiquiris later, Jasper and I are still at the bar talking about inconsequential shit, laughing and enjoying ourselves. I'm finally relaxed enough to feel like myself again, and I realize I actually like being here; the hotel is gorgeous and trendy, the music is up tempo and not too loud, and the little hor d'oeuvres the servers are passing around are frickin' awesome. I'm not acting like moron, mind you, as I'm _very_ aware of the disastrous consequences that could have if I were to, but I feel… happy. Good. It's been awhile since I've felt this good.

I look around for Rose and notice she's not with the bigwigs anymore; actually I don't know where she is at all.

**Me**: Where are you?

**Row-sah-lee**: Nt nw4%78 2 3

"Okay then."

"Hey I need go say hi to my agent and shit, so I'm going have to leave you for a bit, but I'll be back in time for the co-CEO speech, okay?"

"I'm feeling good Jasper, you can leave me." He laughs and walks away.

…

…

_I look like a loser sitting here like this don't I._

I get up from the stool, smooth my shananagins out, look around quickly to make sure no one is watching before I dab more lipstick on while concurrently using my phone as a mirror, and double check my clutch to make sure my business cards are in fact there.

Jesus Christ, _why_ is it so fucking dark.

I move with caution and bob my head slightly to the groovy music. I see Christian Bale talking with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and grab a mini fruit tarte from the passing server.

"Thank you so much, you guys are doing a really great job," I tell the server.

I start walking again, towards what appears to be the main area, where tables are artfully placed with beautiful centerpieces. Some people sit at the tables, some linger at the taller, conversational ones, some are huddled in the cushy seating areas with drinks and little candles strewn everywhere.

Suddenly I notice a guy sitting at one of the tables, the side of his face covered in a bright white-blue light.

_Dude. You're at a William Morris party and you're on your damn phone_?

As my feet carry me closer to this loser I notice the guy has like… _the_ sexiest fucking hair I've ever seen. Yeah, it's definite sex hair and it's this weird ass bronze-brown combo.

_God it's sexy_.

Me being super stealthy for once, I manage to get close enough to take a peak at what he's finding so riveting.

"You're looking at _porn?!"_

* * *

**A/N: Now who could that _possibly_ be!?**

**Come on ladies, 5 chapters and nothing?**

**I love you all dearly, will you let me know the same too?**

**Lots of love and daiquiris for you all!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	6. Blame The Intro on The Alcohol

**You all are pervs. I like how I get the first reviews at the mention of porn... Oh I love you all anyway.**

**On to Edward!**

* * *

He jumps a little.

_I'm a fucking moron, but, he's looking at pictures of pornography!_

He turns around.

…

…

…

...

Fucking. _Shit_.

The funny thing is, is that I'm almost blind here and can just barely make out any features, and I can _still_ feel my heart rate increasing, my palms sweating and my breathing stutter. I feel like I can't properly fucking function right now.

And you should know right now that this is not common for me. Guys are not on my radar. Even when I was back home they weren't; I was and am still too busy focusing on my acting career. I see them, yes, but I don't _see_ them. And to be honest, I don't think many guys are cute anyways, especially here where it's the same LA prototype again and again.

But this guy, just… _shit_.

He's so incredible beautiful and he stands out; there is nothing even remotely prototype about this guy.

_And I can't even see him properly_.

"Yes."

_Wait what?_

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm looking at porn."

I have no idea how to respond to that. "Why?"

"I'm bored."

"Here?"

"Yes."

"Um, can I—can I see?" Yep. That's the alcohol talking.

His eyebrows shoot up and he smirks. "Here."

I take his phone, sit down in the chair next to his, and look at the blonde woman being fingered by a dark haired man.

_God that's hot_.

"She has really nice boobs. No ass though." I look up to see him watching me, circling his thumb on the top of his drink.

_Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, blame it on— _

"I know."

"Do you have anymore?" He takes his phone back and touches a few buttons.

"This is one of my favorites." It's two pictures side by side, one of a woman hovering her pussy over a man's face while he eats her out, and the other of the same couple with the man thrusting into the woman from behind. I can feel my body warming up as I try to look at this photos casually, as if I've done that shit before and it ain't no thang.

"Yep. That's pretty awesome."

He chuckles and takes the phone away from me. "Who are you."

"I'm Bella." He smiles at me and nods. "And who are you?"

"Edward." I like that.

"Are you an actor?"

He doesn't say anything for a few seconds. "Yeah, I act."

"So are you signed with William Morris or are you here with a friend, or…?"

"Signed with them." I smile. Of course he his. Any agent would be a fucking dumb ass not to take him on.

"And what do you do."

"I'm an actor as well, but I'm not signed here." I think I see his eyes tighten just a tad, but, I'm the nearly blind moron here. He nods. Suddenly he leans towards me and dips his fingers into my cleavage.

I can't breathe.

"What are—," he retrieves his fingers and brings my necklace out with them. I feel my nipples harden. His fingers are warm and cold from his drink all at the same time.

He leans in a little closer. "If you took acting away from me, I'd stop breathing… Ingrid Bergman," he reads. He looks up at me.

_Scorching green eyes_.

"Yeah?"

This quote is the epitome of who I am. "Yeah."

He quiet for a moment. "What does it feel it when you act?"

Oh god. I always feeling like crying afterwards when I think about stuff like this.

I open my mouth, trying to decide the best way to explain this. "It feels like… everything. It feels like I'm on a live-wire, like I've been dead for a long time, and then suddenly I'm awake and breathing… I never feel… I never feel more awake, and confident, and beautiful, and sure of myself then when I'm acting in front of a camera. And also I mean, I mean acting is _fun_. It's really fun, even when you delve into some really hard, intricate stuff and difficult scenes. I not sure I understand truly _why_ it's so fun—maybe it has something to do with exploring emotions, and getting into other people's heads or something like that—but I just, kinda of take it for what it is…. Acting is my natural high. I'm utterly jovial when I get to act." I look at him. I can't really see him anymore, as he's moved back into his chair.

"Yes," he says quietly. "Yes."

I laugh, using this as a catharsis for myself. "I know right."

He chuckles too. "My god, I remember when I booked my first professional job, and what it felt like during the entire first take of the first scene."

"I bet that was frickin' incredible."

"Oh fuck yeah it was! It felt like I'd just taken a whole bunch of uppers, and when they finally called cut I burst out laughing, just trying to get a grip with all the shit I was feeling; I was shaking by the end of the scene… It was incredible."

"_Jesus_," I whisper. "That is so… oh my god, I can't even—," I cut myself off with another laugh. He laughs too; it's sexy and deep.

"Oh what about your first audition?"

"Oh my god—_NO!_ Don't even get me started on auditioning!"

"Why not?"

"I can't fucking—I frickin' suck at auditioning! I just want to shake the casting director and say 'please please just give me the part! I'm really not as bad as I look, and I promise I'm better on set!'," I laugh. "But I mean I get it though: if you can't perform in a casting office then how do we know you can really perform on a set… It's shit for actors, but I understand."

"I know. I've actually begged a few casting directors to call me in for callbacks when I was first starting out."

"You did not."

He nods. "I think they almost blacklisted me."

_Not with _your_ face_.

"So how did you prevent that?"

"I fucked them."

* * *

**A/N:**

***cough***

**So, are we happy? Intrigued? Just don't give a feck?**

**Let me know please! I'm not sure how this Edward will be received...**

**Lots of love and porn!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	7. Stage Names & Fingers

**So... he fucked them?**

**ALSO, please *NOTE* that while the people (aside from those _Twilight_ related) mentioned in this chapter are real, their actions, words and so on, are NOT real. I do not mean to slander them in anyway, they're just included for the purpose of storytelling and enhancing the setting and fiction.**

* * *

…

He's not laughing.

I have no fucking idea if he's serious or not.

_He… he what, fucked them?_

"Uh, sorry, but I can't actually tell if you're serious or not?" I let out a light chuckle, hoping to… I don't even know, avoid something? Like something needs avoiding?

He doesn't say anything for a moment. "Yes. I was kidding Isabella."

"Isabella?"

"That's your full name isn't it."

"Yes, but—"

"Is your stage name _Bella_?" I nod. "You should go by Isabella."

I shake my head slightly. "Why?"

"It's good to have two different names to go by; one for the world to know you as, and one for the people you're close to. It makes differentiating which persona you're showing easier."

I let this sink in a moment… Oh-_kay_?

"That makes sense." I shrug my shoulders. "I'll go by Isabella."

"Good." Before I can say anything else I hear someone coming over the podium speaker, alerting us that it's time for the speeches. Edward rises from his chair. _Goddamn the man's tall_. But I'm only 5'4", so… "Come on," he says, grabbing my hand and bringing me to the area where everyone appears to be gathering.

His hand is warm but un-clammy, and his fingers are long with kept nails. From what I can see, his skin is creamy pale, unblemished with calluses or scabs and dry skin.

We stop at the back of the group and Edward lets go of my hand to stand behind me. Ari Emanuel, one of the co-CEOs, saunters up to the podium, looking confident and utterly sure of himself. "Welcome everyone to this years William Morris Endeavor gathering!" Everyone applauds lightly. "We love see you all here together, knowing what we've all accomplished by working together as a team, talent and agent. Unfortunately we can't seem to find Patrick at this moment, so I'm going to continue without the bastard." Everyone laughs. Mr. Emanuel continues speaking about the 'precious relationship between an agent and its clients', and what it means to this agency itself, and so on.

I'm hanging onto every word this guy has to say—because I do in fact agree with what his words—until I'm not. I can't concentrate anymore.

Edward's running the back of his finger slowly, up and down my neck.

I have goose bumps.

I want to sigh and moan a little at the slight throb that's begun in between my legs. I let myself feel my scalp prickle, my nipples harden, and my heart rate spike.

This is probably one of the most erotic things I've experienced.

"_Isabella_," he whispers.

What?

I turn my head slightly to the right. "Why are you calling me 'Isabella'? I though that was supposed to be for 'the world' and other people to know me as, or something like—"

"I don't know you."

"But—"

"Thank you all again for coming out tonight to celebrate with us!" Mr. Emanuel's voice interrupts. People applaud and begin to disperse.

Edward removes his finger and steps away from me. I turn around to face him.

"It was nice meeting you Isabella," he says with a smile, and turns around to walk away swiftly.

…

…

_What—I can't even—what?_

My body feels unhinged and I suddenly feel… lonely? A little sad?

What the fuck, I never feel lonely! I practically a hermit!

I take a deep sigh.

You know what, _fuck it_. I don't even fucking care right now.

Suddenly Rose is behind me and calling my name.

"Rose, where the hell have you been! You missed the CEO speech."

"Like I give a fuck, I heard the same one at the ICM bash. Anyways, two things: one, I'm gunna go home with someone," I look behind her to see a tall, burly guy leaning against a wall, watching Rose, "and two, what in the actual fuck?"

I shake my head slightly. "What does that _mean_!"

"Why were you talking with him?"

"With _who_ Rose!"

"Edward fucking Cullen, that's fucking who!"

"I have absolutely _no_ idea what you're talking about right now."

"Bella, you were standing in the back talking to Edward Cullen."

…

…

…

…

Say _**what**_ now?

* * *

**A/N:**

**Thank you oodles to those of you who reviewed and favorite-d/followed :)**

**Ever _ping _of my e-mail with those notifications makes me smile so widely.  
**

**Will you please leave me some love? I have NO IDEA how you're all feeling about this drabble, so ya gots ta let me know.**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**

**Lots of love & neck groping! **


	8. Wheat Cracker Denial

**Your reviews have been lovely ladies :) Thank you.**

* * *

I've been in denial for the past day and then some.

I was in denial when Rose dropped the fucking bomb on me last night, and I'm in denial now, sitting on my fu-bed, eating my damn crackers and reading fanfiction.

…

_So fucking stupid to not have realized it sooner_.

_Should have been more professional with him._

_Those damn _eyes_ should have been a give-away!_

_He was touching me…_

_Should have been more professional._

_God forbid I ever get a job and he tells people I'm a porn-loving nutcase!_

"We're out of crackers Rose!"

"There's another box on the bottom self of the pantry."

"Thank you…"

"Bella you need to get up and do something. Don't you have to work tomorrow?"

"Evening."

"So you can't keep this shit up."

"Rose, it's like almost midnight."

"I don't give a fuck; you didn't recognize him, so what. I mean I don't know how the fuck you didn't, but whatever. Get your shit together. I'm going to bed. I'm leaving around six tomorrow morning, so you can have the car then."

I nod.

…...

The next morning I wake up to find Rose gone.

I spend most of my day going through breakdowns and submissions, looking for new monologues online and in my collection of books, contemplating whether or not I should change my theatrical head shot, and looking on Craigslist for odd jobs.

_Huh. 50 bucks an hour to be traced on a floor with tape, via a crime scene theme…_

Submit.

After dressing in jeans, brown flats, my pink and brown work tank top, and putting my hair into a high ponytail, I head out to the car and begin to make my way to West Hollywood.

While resting at a long-ass stoplight, I hear my phone ding with a text.

It's Jasper.

**Jazzy-pur**: What r u doing tomorrow mrning?

**Me**: Uhhh, I get off around 5 AM. Why?

**Jazzy-pur**: Come 2 set w/i me

The light changes.

When I finally see the _Kitchen24_ sign and find a goddamn parking space, I check my phone again while heading to the back entrance.

**Jazzy-pur**: Dude. R u coming?

**Me**: What's your call time?

**Jazzy-pur**: 6, 6:30

**Me**: DUDE!

**Jazzy-pur**: Jst dont go 2 bed! It'll b fun—u knw it will

**Me**: … This is true…

**Jazzy-pur**: Cool. I've cleared it w/i the AD

**Me**: See you tomorrow :)

**Jazzy-pur**: :)

I put my phone on silent and place my shit in my locker before heading out to the bar.

As I grab a towel to wipe down, a large hand grabs my ass.

Hard.

* * *

**A/N: Whose the motherfecker gabbin' her ass!**

**Leave me some love?**

**Lots of love and ass gropes!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	9. Kitchen Sister-Bitch

**Fun Fact: a friend of mine actually met RPatz while working as a catering server at a legitimate WME party a few years ago, hence the inspiration for this drabble :)**

**She said the usual-he was super kind and sweet, a bit awkward, etc.**

**Onward!**

* * *

"Diego! The fuck man!"

"Bitch I love your ass. You knows I'm gon' ta squeeze et!"

I laugh loudly.

I love this place. Unfortunately, I can't seem to get scheduled for too many nights. Hence why I also rely on Craigslist for odd jobs and the occasional catering event.

"How late are you working tonight," I ask my bestest and gayest friend.

"Until two. Hows aboutcho self?"

"Until five." My other buddy Collin, who is also gay, comes out to re-fill in the ice.

"Hey sexy-bitch."

"Hi dear. How are you."

"Brady's being a twat, so just _dandy_, but I'm sure he'll figure his shit out in the next day few days."

I give him the sad face. "Sorry C."

"It's cool. What-er."

I laugh at his mannerisms. "Okay, go back to serving."

This is why I make the extra 15-minute commute to work in West Hollywood; although the _Kitchen24_ in Hollywood is closer, the envoriment at night is nothing but 20-somethings jacked up on drugs and alcohol. In WeHo, it's all my gays and it's safer.

Diego and I work side by side at the bar, even on a normal weekday night like this; the restaurant is open 24/7, so people flock here after 10 PM. I work quickly to grab the beers for the men and Diego usually deals with the women who order martinis and fruity drinks. Around 1:10, when there's a lull at the bar, Diego asks me how my weekend was. "I met Edward Cullen at this William Morris party."

"You did _**what**_ now?!"

"I mean I talked to him for a bit, but I didn't even realize it was him until Rose pointed it out afterwards!"

He rolls his eyes at the mention of Rose, but comments anyways. "Jesus _fuck_. That boy is absolutely _incredible_ looking. Did I ever tell you that he was one of the first men I ever jerked off to?"

"Diego!"

"I have no shame sister-bitch!"

I laugh. "This is true." Before we can say anymore, a slut in a short dress asks for an apple-tini.

….

By the time 5 AM rolls around, my feet hurt from standing and I'm tired. I want to go home and die. But then I remember that I'm supposed to spend the day with Jasper on set. I change into the extra clothes I brought, consisting of my high-top black converse, and my dark grey-turquoise waffle texture _Clash_ t-shirt, rolling the long sleeves up to my forearms.

As I make my way to the car, I can't help the feeling of pure excitement that's beginning to overtake my lack of slumber.

_I'm going to a legitimate, studio backed, film set._

Just… holy shitting shitballs.

After making my way back to Burbank, finding the studio, parking near the gate, I text Jasper.

**Me**: I heeeeerrrreeeee!

* * *

**A/N: Soooooooo, Diego? Yes, no? More? Less?**

**Please let me know in a review!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**

**Lots of love and seasoned fries from Kitchen24 (they're GODLY)!**


	10. Felix & His Badges

**Steph owns Twilight, not I.**

* * *

I wait and watch for Jasper to pass through the gate. When I see him strolling out causally, I roll down my window and yell his name. He yells back at me to bring the car up to the gate. I un-parallel and do as he asks, pulling up to the security guard's booth.

"Hi Jasper!"

He laughs at my enthusiasm and turns to the man in the booth. "Hey Ben, this is Bella, she's going to be with me on set today."

"Did ya want me to print out a visitors pass?"

"Actually, do you think you could make her an ID? I don't know whether or not she'll be back again while we're here."

Ben nods. "Not a problem—If you could just give me your drivers license miss." I smile and dig in my purse, looking for the damn thing, finally retrieving it.

"I get to come back?" I ask Jasper, squealing a bit.

He laughs. "If you're good."

"Oh whatever." He knows I'll be dying inside, but he also knows that _I_ know how to carry myself professionally in situations like this. It's common sense for actors. Well, most actors.

A few minutes later my badge is ready and I pull through the gate and into the parking lot, finding a space in the far back; there's a fuck ton of cars here already. I get out, grab my cell, a few business cards for my back pocket, my ID, and head to where Jasper is waiting.

"You need to have your ID around your neck at all times Bumble."

I give him an incredulous look. "Isn't it enough just to have it in my pocket? That's how it was on the last set…"

"Yeah I know, but they've really up security because of the leads. They're checking people all the time." I nod and place the lanyard around my neck. "Okay, let's go. They're going to need me soon."

"So tell me about the film!"

He nods and looks at me. "I can only tell you a little bit Bumble; I mean I cleared you, yes, but you're not an official member of the production."

"Yes, now tell me Jasper."

He sighs. "Okay, uhhh, they're calling it _Pulling Through_, and David Fincher's attached to direct. "

"Dude, Fincher's an awesome director."

"I know, and he's been really great to work with thus far."

"Okay, so what else?" Before he can answer me we reach what looks like another barricade gate, with several large men with ID's like mine.

"Badges" one of them says. We remove ours, and hand them over for inspection. "She's a guest of yours Jasper?"

"Yes Felix, I've already cleared with the AD." He nods and returns the lanyards. He looks at me then. "You are not to take an pictures while on and off the set, do you understand? Any action of doing so will result in your immediate removal, and if we find any material at a later date on the web, you will subject to a fine and or lawsuit."

I nod rapidly. "Yes, absolutely, I understand."

"Felix. Dude, come on."

He shakes his head. "If anything gets out Jasper, my ass is on the line. Mr. Fincher _and_ the studio made it very clear that this project is to be top secret. Plus, you know E and K would have fans mobbing the damn place every damn day."

"Jasper it's not a big deal—I understand Felix, and you won't have any problems from me." He nods and tells us we can head in after the gate slides open. Once we're inside, the first thing I notice is how fucking _busy_ it is—there's people absolutely everywhere, moving, running, talking on their headsets and on their phones, flipping through pages of a what looks like a script, pushing tables of food, even some coming through on golf carts. I also notice the large white trailers lining the open spaces of the studio walls.

"Come on, we need to head to the offices—I need to get a 20 on the actress."

"So, _what else_ Blue!" I say as he drags me along, quickly, while attempting to avoid smashing into people. I can feel myself vibrating with anticipation and excitement.

"Right. Uh, in a general sense, the film's about two teenagers in high school, Rae and Daniel; they're falling in love with each other but there's a major obstacle standing in their way, and yeah, a bunch of other complex shit goes down… The script's _incredibly_ well written too."

"Humm. Interesting."

"It really is. I wish I could tell you more Bumble." I smile as we reach the offices and walk inside, looking for the AD I presume. We reach a door down at the end of the hall and Jasper knocks once before opening it. "Hey Alistair? Do you have a 20 on Katrina?"

"Yeah hold on one second," I hear a voice respond. "Hey Eric can you give me a 20 on Kate?" After some muffled noises, I hear the man again. "She just got out of hair and make-up tests, so she should be in her trailer."

"Great thanks. Oh! Alistair, here's my friend Bella. She's visiting today." Jasper drags me into the man's view.

"Uh, hi"

"Hi, I'm Alistair," he says with a warm smile, getting up to shake my hand. "I'm sorry you came to visit this week—we're only doing rehearsals for the next two. You should have come at a most interesting time," he laughs.

"No, " I chuckle. "I'm happy to be here anyways. So, are you the AD?"

He nods. "Yep, that's my title."

"Do you enjoy your job? Or I mean, would you rather be the director, or another part of production management."

He laughs loudly. "Of course I'd like to be the director—they have it so damn easy. And that's what I went to school for anyways."

"Where did you study?"

"I went to—" he's cut off by his walkie. "I'm sorry, hold on a for a minute." He starts speaking rapidly to whomever is on the other end.

I turn to Jasper. "He's cool."

"He is."

"_What_! Are you fucking _kidding_ me Eric! David's going to lose his shit if he finds out about this! _See_! _This_ is why I wanted to hire another PA a week and a half ago, because I _knew_ shit was going to happen… Yes, I understand that but you're really putting me in a shit position right now… You know what, I'll figure something out. Okay. Great." Alistair is rubbing is hands across his face.

"What's going on?"

"My PA just up and quit a week and a half ago, and Eric decided not to hire another, saying we were already spending a fortune, and that I'm capable of what ever comes my way. Well, lo and behold, something just came up and I have to deal with it, but I already have other shit that needs to be done… Honestly, I need a PA, but I don't have time to find one… God_damnit_."

Jasper looks at me suddenly, squinting his eyes and cocking his head. "Yes Jasper?" I say.

"Al, what if Bella was your PA."

"Jasper!"

"What now Jasper?"

"What if Bella was your PA."

Alistair looks at me. "Have you ever been one before?"

"No," I pause, not really sure what to say. _What the fuck is _happening_ here?_ "but it's pretty basic stuff, right? And plus I know film sets."

"Yeah?"

I nod.

He pauses a moment. "Okay great. You can start today."

* * *

**A/N:**

**TERMS**

**AD: Assistant Director**

**'What's your 20': 'Where are you', a general phrase used when communicating about a person's whereabouts**

**So... when do you all think Edward will come back?**

**Have any of you ever been on a film set?**

**Let me know in a review!**

**Lots of love custom made badges!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	11. A Savvy Charlie's Angel

**Sorry this came out later than usual! I had my own audition downtown :)**

**Steph owns Twilight.**

**A big thank you to Ms. CrookedArm, a very faithful and consistent reviewer-you made me smile yesterday :)**

****BIG ASS NOTE! IMPORTANT!****

**You may notice that the summary of the film below is very similar to that of "High Anxiety" by EdwardsBloodType; this is because it IS, and I HAVE GOTTEN PERMISSION FROM THE AUTHOR TO DO SO.**

**See you down below.**

* * *

_But—but—but but but—but I, but I'm an _actor_!_

That's what I _do_, I act! If I take this job, what happens when I have an audition!

…

…

Ah fuck it. I never get auditions anyways.

But what about Diego and the _Kitchen_!

…

I'm never scheduled anyways.

…

I nod. "Great."

"Awesome! Welcome aboard. Okay, here," he says, reaching over to where a bunch of walkies are currently charging, grabbing one out, "is your walkie and headset. We'll communicate only on the 5th frequency. Please have it only always… Oh! And you'll need to go get a crew badge from Ben up front. So why don't you do that, Jasper can head over to Kate's trailer, and I have some things to take care of before rehearsals in an hour. You can acquaint yourself with the set—we'll be here for a bit. Obviously be cautious as there are other productions, but you said you know your way around a set. So I'm going to trust you, savvy?"

"Savvy. Thank you, Alistair."

"Let's hope this works out." With that he puts his headset on and is out the door, throwing Jasper a set of keys.

"Okay come on, I need to get to Katrina's trailer and you need to go see Ben."

"Fine fine!" As soon as we're both seated in the cart, Jasper's pressing the gas and we're moving. "So now that I have _clearance_, will you finally tell me more!" Jasper takes a fast left and finally answers me.

"The film's about a high school girl, Rae, that moves to a small town in Washington, and she meets this guy, Daniel, and they begin to fall for each other. The problem is, is that the boy was wrongfully accused of raping another girl back in his hometown, and now has a court order forbidding him from touching another female under the age of 18. A lot of shit goes down because of this, and eventually the girl who accused him retracts her statement. Then a bunch of other shit happens even after they can touch each other, and so on. It's really angsty and emotional, but again, really well written. It's kinda of like a teen story meant for adults—I think that's why they had David take it on."

I practically fucking speechless right now.

"_Shit_."

"I know."

"Blue that sounds amazing." _I am so motherfucking excited! AHHHHHHH!_

"It's one of the main reasons why I signed on…Well that and they're paying me a shit ton." He starts to slow down as we near the cluster of trailers, stopping when we hit a door with the sign:

"_Rae"_

_Katrina Collins_

"Oh—Katrina _Collins_. Kate, Katrina, I get it now."

"Umhum. She's the one I have to work on accent elimination with."

"Isn't she like Phil Collins daughter? Her sister's Lily Collins?"

"Exactly."

"Gotcha."

"Okay now go get your damn badge."

"See ya Blue!"

"Bye Bumble."

When I finally get past the second gate and Felix, I abuse the shit out of the gas peddle and laugh, enjoying the wind on my face and feeling content for the first time in awhile. I have a job that's consistent and paying, I'll be on a film set all day, and I get to hang out with Jasper. Plus the project and the director are damn cool too!

When I finally make it to Ben, explain my new employment, take a new picture for the ID—did the damn _Charlie's Angels_ pose too, with the gun and everything—take off, molest the gas pedal once more, I realize it's been almost 45 minutes.

Huh.

I only stop once to show Felix my badge, grin, and tell him that we're going to see more of each other.

Once I'm inside, I park the cart near all of the others, and get out to 'acquaint myself'.

_Okay, so it's looking like we're primarily on Stage 7… and 9_? I turn to the person nearest to me to confirm my suspicions, but am stopped short.

_Jasper, walking, set, person…_

Copper-brown sex hair.

Tall.

_Oh-God-Fuck_.

"Edward?"

* * *

**A/N: What on earth is he _doing_ there!**

**Once AGAIN, I do have PERMISSION from the author TO USE "High Anxiety" as the basis for the film.**

**It's an incredible story. Check it out.**

**This story however, needs some love!**

**I want your thoughts!**

**Lots of love and fun ID photos!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	12. Breaking A Baby's Neck

**Tis' Steph who owns Twilight, not I!**

* * *

"Hey Bella! Have you met Eric, our production manager yet?" Jasper says, smiling and pointing to the guy nearest to me.

"Jasper, I… What—I—don't…" I say shake my head rapidly and with wide eyes. They're focused solely on the beautiful man staring back, mirroring my expression. I cannot comprehend what Jasper's just said to me. I can't comprehend anything right now.

"Edward what are you doing here."

"What am _I_ doing here? What are_ you_ doing here!" his expression showing me what I think is ambivalence and… anger?

"I'm—Jasper—I'm with Jasper, here. Jasper."

He turns to Jasper. "Jasper, what the fuck?"

"She's working with Alistair as his PA; it's cool, she's has clearance to be here man."

"You're _working_ here?"

I nod.

"You're working here."

I nod again. "Yeah," I all but whisper.

"I'm sorry, do you two _know_ each other?"

"I met him at the WME party the other night," I mutter quietly, never taking my eyes from his. Edward's the one to look away first, and when he does he begins to chuckle, looking down at the ground. He starts to shake his head as his laughter continues.

I don't know what to do with myself.

Until—, "Wait _you're_ playing Daniel?"

He looks up, his laughter finally ceasing. "Yes."

…

I seriously _don't know_ what to do; I have no idea what to say to him, how to act, how to stop my hands from shaking, how to calm my heartbeat—

"Okay guys, let's start heading over to the stage three for rehearsals," Eric says to the lot of us.

Almost concurrently do I hear Alistair's voice coming through my headset with the same instructions, asking me to join him on the set. I respond with the affirmative and stutter out a 'bye' to the boys in front of me before scampering off to find my boss. I feel like screaming: there's too much going on in my head and I can't concentrate for shit. When I finally find Alistair he asks me if I'm all right, because apparently I look flushed. _Fucking perfect_, I answer.

No not really.

As people start making their way on the set, he explains that we're just in final pre-production phase and focusing on rehearsals for the actors, camera work and lighting. He leads me through a throng of people to get closer to the set and ultimately the director; we stop and Alistair motions to a man with grey hair, sitting in a director's chair, drinking a cup of coffee.

"David this is Bella, my new assistant."

_David_ looks at me and smiles gently. "Hi Bella, nice to meet you."

My heart swells a bit. "It's nice to meet you too Mr. Fincher."

"No no no no, call me David please. It's very informal around here."

I nod. "Okay, cool."

"So you wanna do the hairbrush scene?" Alistair says.

"Yeah, I'd like to get some of the blocking done; we're gunna have to revisit it during filming to fine-tune a bit, but I just wanna make sure Kate's comfortable. Will you make a note for a closed set during that scene please?"

"I've done that with all those containing nudity."

"Good. Also, I think I want hand-held during this scene—something more sensual, close." Alistair nods, making a note in his script. "And also, let's make sure to take the eye out of the baby and clean it—I don't want to take a look at the dallies and see shit. Also, be sure to break its neck." Alistair makes some more notes.

"So something softer, sticking with the sensual?"

David nods. "Exactly. We'll use the bounce board."

"Okay I think we're ready for the meat," Alistair says, laughing. David joins in. "Okay, bring in the talent," my boss commands to his walkie.

A little more than five minutes later, Edward and a crazy gorgeous girl stroll in, each setting down bottles of water on director chairs.

_So this is Katrina_.

She resembles her sister, but with raven hair and violet eyes.

They approach the director. "Okay guys, so we're just gunna focus on the hairbrush scene for right now. Can I assume you're both off-book?"

They nod.

"Good. Kate, you can keep your bra and shorts on for today, and then when we film we'll fine-tune and choreograph the nudity."

"Fine," Kate says.

"Okay kids, get on the bed and be ready to strip."

I choke on my own spit.

* * *

**A/N:**

**FILM TERMS**

**-closed set: a set that is only open to that cast and crew; a more intimate version is a set that has been cleared of all but the necessary crew, sometimes meaning only the director and camera crew**

**-hand-held: the use of a camera that is, you guessed it, hand-held, as apposed to locked and stationed**

**-the eye: the lens of a camera**

**-**_**baby**_**: a 500- to 1,000-watt _Fresnel_ light**

**-dallies: the day's work, screened in the cold light of the following day**

**-break its neck: the hanging of white silk sheets in the front of lights to create diffusion**

**-bounce board: large white card made of foam or poster board used to reflect soft light**

**-bring in the meat/ready for the meat: an crude way to call in for the talent, or actors**

**-off-book: when the talent has the script memorized**

**Yes, this shit is real :)**

**Leave me some love?**

**Lots of that and... meat?**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	13. Rehearsal a la Hairbrush

**Steph owns Twilight, not moi. Also, a BIG ASS thank you to EdwardsBloodType, for letting me use her fic "High Anxiety"...**

**EBT: you may recognize this scene...**

**Onward. **

* * *

A hand is patting my back as I try not to die. "Tha—ank yo—ou," I sputter out.

Fucking _shit_.

I cough once more and take a deep breath. "Ugh, thank you Alistair."

"Hmm," I hear.

"Okay guys, come on," David commands.

Edward steps out from behind me and walks over to the set, tugging on his t-shirt.

He—_I'm sorry, EDWARD?_

I turn to my left to see Alistair, talking to David, more than 10 feet away from me. I look back, and Edward removing the rest of his shirt, his delicious back flexing as he shifts and walks to the bed. He has a black tattoo on his bicep. Just before sitting, he turns his head slightly to look at me, his mouth open slightly, eyes giving… something? A look? I have no idea how to describe it.

It makes my stomach clench.

My nipples tighten.

I can hear my arousal-loud heartbeat in my ears.

I squat down to tie my converse, leaning my forehead on my knee as I do, and take a breath.

Shit.

Yeah, get your shit together.

As I straighten my spine, I hear David tell Edward and Katrina that they're going to start at Kate's line of 'What'.

"Hey David, don't I take my shirt off after these first lines?" Alistair flips through the script and nods to David.

"Okay, you can put your shirt back on." Edward nods and does so.

…

Ugh.

"Kate I want you to sit on the bed facing camera, and begin brushing your hair and Edward you can prop yourself up on your elbow next to her." They follow his directions.

Jasper comes up next to me with a hushed 'hi' and a smile. We both turn our attention back to what's about to unfold.

"Okay, remember we're starting with Rae's line of 'what'… and… action!"

Kate's brushing her hair and Edward watches her intensely, with a small smile on his face.

Kate's line. "What?" she asks.

"Can I… do that?" Edward responds, seeming slightly amused. She shrugs and hands him the brush. He sits up and scoots closer to her, and she turns her back to him. He tentatively raises the brush to her head and begins; Kate sighs.

"My mom used to brush my hair when I was little. I always had so many tangles and knots and she would pull on them. I hated it." Edward scoots closer, his mouth very close to her ear. After a few very pregnant and silent moments, he speaks again.

"Holy shit it's hot in here," he mumbles, removing his shirt.

Thankfuly, Katrina's body blocks his.

"Though I liked when she washed it for me and…" Kate hums and moans a little, in what seems like pleasure. "She used to use this detangling spray that smelled like watermelon…mmmm…shit… unnngh…"

"Rae," he whispers. "I'm not your mother." Kate's eyes seem to droop a little, and her chest is rising, falling more rapidly. Edward presses the brush down her neck and continuing to her spine. Kate moans again.

"Does that feel good?" he whispers; she shakes her head yes, moaning again, and he brushes past her ear, down her neck and over her shoulder.

I squeeze me toes together as tight as fucking possible.

"Ow!" She pulls her shirt down, off her shoulder and he flinches back suddenly. "Something hit me there when the self fell."

"Rae, take your shirt off, so I can look." She does as he asks, while still wearing a black bra. "I want to get some ice for that," he says.

"No, it's fine, just don't touch it." She turns her head over her shoulder to look at him. "Please… don't stop," she asks in a strained whisper. She tosses all of her hair to her.

"So fucking pretty," he moans, low and breathy.

_I—I, I can't…_

He grazes the upper part parts of her body—neck, shoulder, collarbone, suddenly very close now. Kate lets out a staggered breath. Edward moves the brush so that it curves around her shoulder blades, ribcage to her waist and then back up again. She's moaning and whimpering again, louder.

And then shit gets real.

Edward draws the brush around to the front of Kate's neck, straddling her body with his legs on either side of her. The brush grazes her collarbone again, this time dipping lower and lower until he makes wide circles around each of her breasts in a figure eight motion, the symbol of infinity.

I can hear the brush dragging along the fabric of her bra, my scalp and skin prickling.

Edward's breathing becomes labored and heavy. As he nears her nipple, both of their breathing hitches; she moans softly, as Edward whispers, "You're fucking making me …crazy right now…."

It's taking absolutely everything in my god_damn_ power not to whimper.

"Uhh you, oh God…mmmmmmmmm," she replies. When the bristles pass over her other nipple, she grips her fingers on the edge of the bed. Her breathing increases and she's squirming on the bed. "Edward…I think I'm…I'm…ohhh…"

Oh. _God._

Her mouth is hung open and Kate begins to pant; Edward's breathing is even more labored and he lets out a tiny whimper. Her face begins to scrunch up in pleasure and—

"Cut! That was great guys!"

* * *

**A/N: So... yeah.**

**There's that.**

**How did ya like this? Good scene? Should I have used something different?**

**Let me know!**

**And THANK YOU to those of you whom reviewed the last chapter!**

**Lots of love & Edward moans!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	14. Socially Acceptable Public Masturbation

**So erm, enjoy. And Happy Friday!**

* * *

"Kate I think you can tone it down just a bit—Rae's only experiencing breast play remember. And Edward, do you want try adding a bit of a bodily shake to Daniel?" David asks.

Edward nods. "Okay cool." He and Katrina both put their shirts back on.

"Okay, let's take it from Rae's 'what' line again."

"I'm gunna run to the bathroom," I tell Alistair, trying remove myself from the set as soon as humanly fucking possible. As I make my way through the rest of the crew, I can hear David yelling 'action'.

_Must. Get. Fuck. Out. Now._

I don't think it would be appropriate to begin masturbating in public.

When I spot the faceless woman in a dress, I push the door open, rapidly check underneath each stall, and fling my body into the nearest one.

_Oh god oh god oh god oh god_, I think as I shove my hand down my jeans and start furiously rub my dripping pussy. "Uuuuuuuuhh," I let out, loudly as I make quick figure-eight motions on my wet clit, only to slap my hand over my mouth.

I fist and bite.

Abruptly, it's not me fucking myself with my hand, but _him_.

It's him gyrating his cock into ass as he has us pressed tight together.

It's him spreading me with his pointer and ring finger, to lightly drag his middle fingernail down my clit so _light_, then pressing down _hard_ to bring it back up, making sure none of my clit left untouched, none of my swollen hood left untugged.

"_Please_," I choke out. My thighs are shaking. This is too strong, too much for my body. I can't absorb so much raw pleasure.

"_Shut up_," he whispers in my ear.

And it's him who plunges three fingers into me suddenly, scissoring, stretching, curling, making me come, causing my to rip my fist away from my mouth and slap the stall wall.

…

…

As I clean myself with toilet paper and sit my jean-clad ass on the toilet, I look at my now bloody-bitten hand.

_Fuck_.

I can feel tears spring from my eyes, as I cry quietly.

…

I am so unprofessional.

It was a fucking _rehearsal_, and I can't even handle myself.

"Fucking shit," I whisper through my silent streams.

_What the fuck is wrong with me._

_What the fuck does this mean for my _career_?_

_What happens when I'm on set and something like this happens, and I have to shoot! I can't just go touch myself in a bathroom, god forbid a fucking honeypot!_

_Jesus FUCK!_

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck!_

I can feel myself becoming hysterical… I don't even know if I care. My entire acting career is being call into question at _this_ moment, and without my career I have nothing. I am nothing. I just—I can't even…

"Oh god. _Jesus_."

…

…

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

One more.

"Okay… okay." I step out of the stall, feeling all too grateful that no one came in during… _that_. Turning to look in the mirror, my face is blotchy-red as hell. Running some paper towels under cold water, I dab them on my face, already feeling better.

…

…

"You got this Bella. You _got_ this… You motherfucking _got this_."

I walk out of the bathroom, and head to find my boss.

* * *

**A/N: Still with me?**

**I also think of the coolest shit to write in A/N when I'm not writing, but then OF COURSE, I forget.**

**So, insert something fabulous here.**

**With you do me a solid and review? Are your special bits tingling?**

**Lots of love & bathroom happy time!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	15. To Knock on A Door

"Hey, sorry I took so long," I tell Alistair when I reach him. Edward and Katrina, along with Jasper are nowhere to be found. The crew's covering the set, and David's interacting with them.

"Not a problem—If I'd needed you I would have walkied. You got lucky though—they finished the scene and we're moving to another for the next one."

I nod. He's right, I did get lucky. "Do you need anything?"

"Uhhh, yes! I do actually; if you could run these," he says, placing two separately stapled copies of what looks like a scene in my hands, "over to Edward and Kate, that'd be great. It's the next scene, but David's made some changes to the script he'd like to work."

Shit.

"Okay, not a problem." He nods. Making my way back to the golf carts, I find the one used previously and sitting down, shoot a text to Jasper.

**Me**: Where are you?

**Jazzy-pur**: Working w/i K

**Me**: Can I ask for a favor?

**Jazzy-pur**: Depends on wat it is

**Me**: Will you PLEASE give Katrina and Edward their new scenes?

**Jazzy-pur**: Isn't tht YOUR job bumble?

**Me**: Blue, will you just PLEASE do this for me?

**Jazzy-pur**: Wish I cld, bt I'm 2 busy w/i K

**Me**: DUDE!

**Jazzy-pur**: I showed u whr Ks trailor is—Es is rght nxt 2 hers

**Me**: …

**Jazzy-pur**: Go on

**Me**: :(

I take my time driving through the lots, onward towards the trailer town; once I near the familiar looking ones, I slow down further, searching for Katrina's white mini-home begrudgingly.

Spotting it, I pull up and park. As I near the door, I can hear Jasper's voice, verbalizing to the lead actress about her vowels.

I step up and knock.

Jasper answers. "Well hello my dear Bumble."

I narrow my eyes. "You're on my shit list."

"I bet I am."

"Who's at the door," I hear Katrina ask.

"Alistair's assistant, Bella."

"Who?"

"I'm Bella," I call inside, leaning under Jasper's arm.

Kate finally approaches the door. "Oh. Hi."

"Hi. Uh Alistair, he wanted me to give you this," I say handing her a copy. "It's the next scene David wants to rehearse—he made some changes that he'd like to work out."

"Uuuuugghh; are you _serious_! Are you fucking kidding me right now?" she exclaims at me, eyes wide and irritated.

"Yes?"

"This is bullshit! He's already made like, _so_ many other changes."

"Well he's the director—he has some power to do that."

"Did I ask what you thought?"

Uhhhhhh… "No?"

"Yeah. So don't tell me shit I already know."

"I'm sorry…"

"Whatever. It's fine." I nod. I don't know what the fuck else to do.

"So, here the scene then…" She takes it from me and asks Jasper to look through it. She turns around and walks away.

"Um… okay."

"Sorry about her Bumble, I should have told you she was a bitch."

I glare. "Now you're _really_ on my shit list."

Jasper sighs. "I know." He motions with his head to the trailer next to this one. "Edward's over there. He's cooler than Kate, so you should be fine." I nod and step down.

…

…

…

Horse shit.

…

_They're going to fire you if you don't give him the damn scene. Just do it and get it the fuck over with._

"Ugh," I growl, and stomp over to his steps, as if the act of stomping will somehow make me feel more confident.

I walk up the two small steps and raise my fist to knock.

…

_Really? You're elongating this_? _This is not a damn movie—just do it!_

So I do.

I knock and wait.

* * *

**A/N: **

**QUESTION: at what time in the day do you personally visit fanfiction the most?**

**Let me know in review please!**

**Lots of love & macaroni n' cheese for you all :)**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	16. Fecking a Demon

***sniffles and wipes eyes***

**Thank you and welcome to all the new reviewers and readers (and a continued thanks to the... continuous)!**

* * *

He doesn't answer.

I knock again.

Nothing.

_Okay, what in the actual fuck._

Taking one more step up, I lean my ear against the door.

_He's playing Imagine Dragons_?

… Ugh, _why! _I _love_ Imagine Dragons…

I really let myself pound on the metal door this time, giving myself a bruise I'm sure I'll find in the morning. The music is immediately turned down, and a 'shit' can be heard from inside.

"Sorry Al, I'll be there in one second!"

"You're in for a surprise you fucker," I grumble.

In the next moment, the door is swung open to reveal sex himself, incarnated; he's changed from his earlier attire into a black t-shirt, dark wine red jeans, and all black converse. The man's in shape, it's easy to tell. Relaxing, he leans on the doorframe, crosses his arms and ankles, his eyes just… _Ugh_. "You're not Alistair."

"Unequivocally," I whisper, looking down and away from the intensely verdant vibrancy. I want to squirm under his stare, but instead I shove my arm out with the scene in my hand. "David made some changes to this scene and wants to work them next."

I feel the papers sliding from my grasp. "Okay. Thanks."

It's silent for a moment, and the black assault is _the_ most interesting thing I've ever seen, until the song from inside changes. "Oh I love this one," I accidentally mutter, looking up.

He looks back inside quickly, then to me. "Demons? Yeah, this is really good. You know _Imagine Dragons_?"

"Why did you lie to me."

He face twists. "What?"

I sigh deeply. _Fuck_. "You know what, I shouldn't have said anything. We're working right now, and this is the appropriate time. Sorry." I turn to walk back to the cart.

"Isabella come back here!"

I whip my head around. "_What?_"

"Sorry, I mean will you please come back here. Finish what you were saying."

"This isn't—"

"That's bullshit. What were you talking about."

"Edward I don't have time—Alistair will probably want me back soon."

"He's not going to need you until the next scene is set up, and that'll take at least another hour and a half, especially because it's David and he's a fucking perfectionist. So come. Inside."

"But—"

"It's getting hot Isabella."

This is true.

"Isabella. Come here please," he says, his voice suddenly seeming lower, a bit huskier.

I nod and follow him inside. It's relatively clean; there's a jacket and hoodie on the kitchen booth, an ihome by the couch, food and soda six packs on the kitchen counters, and a script with a cluster of highlighters and sticker tabs on the nearby table. "Sit wherever." I slowly plop myself onto the couch. He takes the opposite end.

…

The silence is deafening. He's face gives me nothing, and his eyes are just… watching me.

_So I guess _I'm_ going first._

"Edward why did you lie to me."

"What does that mean."

"It means why did you lie to me."

"You're going to have to be more specific than that Isabella."

"When I _asked_ you if you were an actor, you said '_yeah, I act_'." He says nothing, his face giving me _nothing_. "Well, what the hell!"

"I _do_ act. I never lied to you."

"That is_ such_ BS and you know it. You saying 'yeah I act' is barely even touching the cusp of what you do Edward. You're part of the damn one percent for Christ's sake! You were a fucking Oscar nominee, and you're _22_! You omitted significant details. You lied."

"I didn't have to tell you anything Isabella. We'd just met, and we've still only just met. Do you think I willingly go around telling people who I am?"

…

…

…

…

_Shit_.

"No…"

"I did not lie to you," his voice now softer. I shrug. It still feels like he did. He chuckles, it's the same deep and sexy sound I remember. "Get on the floor."

"_What?_"

"Sit on the floor."

"Why?"

"If you would follow my directions, you'd see."

"Oh-kay?" I sit on the soft carpet, Indian style. He joins me.

"This is going be fucking stupid, but I think it'll make you feel better," he smirks. He reaches his hand out to me. "My name is Edward Anthony Cullen. I'm 22, a professional actor, and… right now, I'm craving those German _Pims_ cookies, really fucking badly."

"What the—"

"It's your turn."

I snort through my nose. "My name is Isabella 'Bella' Marie Swan. I'm 21, an actor looking to become consistently professional, and right now… I really want a shake from _DLush_."

"Good."

Silence.

"So, why this project?"

"Why this project? Uhh, because of Daniel."

"Your character."

He nods. "He's incredibly complex, very different than a lot of other teen roles I've read."

"How so?"

A look of confusion crosses his face. "Oh, you haven't read the script."

"First day," I smile, more to myself.

"Grab a copy before you leave for the day. Read it. You'll see what I mean." He pauses for a moment. "Pay attention to Rae as well—we can discuss them both later."

Incredulously, I stare at him. "Do you think there will be time for that? I mean, I am actually employed here…"

"Like I said, David's—"

"A perfectionist, got it."

"And this is just rehearsals."

"If you don't mind me asking, why some much rehearsal? From what I know, this isn't very common… right?"

"No you're right. It's not very common, but it's David Fincher, and there's… a lot that needs to be worked out before shooting."

"Oh. Such as?"

"The fucking."

* * *

**A/N: *nods solemnly* Yep.**

**... I don't really know what the nod was for.**

**So, Edward, huh? What do you think of him?**

**Confused? Delighted? Dare I say, aroused?**

**Lemme know dear readers.**

**Lots of love &** **fucking-**what?**-for you all!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre **


	17. Garrett & The Joints

**I just discovered The Script's new song _Hall of Fame_.**

**When I hear it, it reminds me of Bella's motivation to become part of the 1% (the 1% being the percentage of all working actors whom actually make it to the big time) :)**

**Give it a listen.**

* * *

Spit, meet wrong tube. Again.

"Fu-uck-in-ng-sh-it," I choke out. Today is not my day. He reaches towards me but I wave him off frantically. My body cannot handle arousal as well.

"Are you alright?"

I nod and take huge-ass breath. "What did you say, before?"

He smirks. "The fucking, the basic sex, masturbation, the nudity, the violence."

"_What_?"

"There's a lot of the first few."

_Ohfuckingshitballsinhellwith acocksuckingtwat._

"And you're um, comfortable, with all of that?"

"The sex and masturbation, it's a very important part of the script, and I don't have any issues with showing my body; we all have one, and honestly, everybody's a damn prude in America. So yes, I'm comfortable."

_Of course you are_.

"Well that's… good." He smirks and nods again.

"What did you think of the scene."

No.

No no no no no no no _no_.

"S'good," I say, digging my fingers into the carpet.

"It was good?"

"You're both very talented." I wait for his response, but am surprised to hear nothing but silence. I look up from my spot on the floor; he's just… staring at me, with these beguiling eyes. It seems like a thousand thoughts are running through his mind, with a slight squint showing itself. But then abruptly there's… disappointment? It's so slight, and it's gone before I can even examine it further. "So, what's next for today?"

"Uh, lemme check," he says, reaching for the pages I gave him. "We're doing a scene with Daniel, his brother Jason, and Rae, in the tree house."

"A tree house," I deadpan.

"Yeah. It's kind of like their hangout spot to get high and drink and shit."

"Why are you rehearsing a scene like _that_?"

"Garrett's request; he wanted to get comfortable with the joints."

"Garrett?"

"Garrett Jax."

"Oh _he's_ playing Jason?" Edward nods, his eyes tightening just the slightest.

"_Bella, can you…_" I hear a gurgling squeak come from the headset around my neck. I turn the volume up and hold the speaker up to my ear.

"I'm sorry Alistair, I didn't get any of that; what were you saying?"

"Bella, can you please run back over here—I forgot to give you Garrett's script."

"Not a problem, I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Great thanks."

"Um, I need to do something for Alistair," I say, feeling almost culpable for some reason unbeknownst to me.

"I assumed so."

I open my mouth and inhale a breath, biding my time, trying to come up with something to say. "Uhhh—"

"I'll see you later Isabella," his voice low, promising.

_Oh-kay?_

As I start to get up his hand suddenly grabs hold of my forearm, stopping me. I bite the inside of my lip to keep from whimpering at the contact, his touch setting my skin on fire.

_Think about politics, think about living in the suburbs as a stay-at-home mom with 2.5 kids, think about dung beetles!_ Anything _to prevent the red hue_!

Either way I can't look at him. I hold perfectly still as his hand releases me, only to pull down the neck of my t-shirt slightly. _Cannot. Breathe._ The other hand reaches for my chain, pulling it out, and pinching it between two fingers. I finally look up to see him gazing at the metal square.

"I love this quote," his whispers.

I nod, slowly.

_God_.

He looks up. He's so close.

I'm fucking paralyzed.

"Don't you have something you need to do?"

_What_?

"Oh fu—yeah. Um yes."

He tugs on my shirt once more, drops the necklace down, grazing my collarbone, and gets up in one swift move. "Garrett's trailer is three down from mine."

Um.

"Okay, thanks," I say, hoisting myself up in a not so swift manner.

What in the actual fuck.

"Um, bye then?"

"See you later."

"Yeah. See you later," I respond, opening the door, stepping down a step and shutting it.

* * *

**A/N: He's a confusing fucker int' he? What about his theory on nudity? And what about Garrett?**

**I'm very curious to see what y'all er thinkin'.**

**Thank you so much to those of you who reviewed the last chapter!**

**Lots of love & t-shirt tugs for you all.**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	18. Random Shit & Scripts

**Sorry I'm late! I had actor shit to do!**

* * *

After retrieving the few pages from Alistair, doing a few dry donuts in an open parking lot to clear my head, and making my way back to trailer town, I slow down to scan for Garrett's door. Once spotted, I park nearby and head for the steps. Before I can reach the door, it swings open to reveal a handsome young guy, with blonde hair and deep blue eyes.

"I thought I heard someone outside—hi!"

"Oh, hi."

"I'm Garrett," he reaches out to shake my hand, smiling.

I smile back. "Hi Garrett. I'm Bella—I'm Alistair's new PA."

"Oh! Okay cool."

"I have a new copy of the scene you're rehearsing. David made some changes that he'd like to work."

"Oh _David_," he says with a theatrical sigh and chuckle.

Oh. Um, okay. "So you're—you're good?"

He nods quickly. "Absolutely. Thank you so much."

I grin, slightly fazed by his unequivocal kindness. "Uh yeah, it's no problem, um…" I laugh, not knowing what else to do.

"Bella?" I hear my boss's voice in my ear.

"Hold on just one second," I tell Garrett, holding up a finger. "Yes?"

"Can you let Edward, Kate and Garrett know we'll be starting in about 10 minutes?"

"Sure thing." I look up at the friendly man in front of me. "Alistair said we're starting in about 10 minutes."

"Great, thank you Bella," the smile still in place.

There's no way I can't return a smile. Shrugging, I say, "Not a problem."

"See you in 10."

"See you in 10."

Walking down the steps towards the other trailers, I stop and pause. I take out my phone and text Jasper, asking if he can do me _this_ favor, and let both Kate and Edward know about the time; the fucker complies. Nine minutes and thirteen seconds later, I'm back on the soundstage retrieving a cup of coffee for both David and my boss. Arriving back, I find David discussing the pros and cons of an overhead shot with the DP and Alistair giving his input when asked. The call for talent is made, and a minute later I hear Jasper, Katrina, Garrett and Edward's voices growing closer. Jasper comes up behind and squeezes my shoulders.

"Hey."

"Ho-la."

"Did you meet Garrett?"

"Umhum."

"He's a nice guy."

"Yeah he is."

Our conversation ends when David calls for everyone's attention. He directs the three in their positions, and lets Garrett work with the prop master for a few minutes. After he confirms that he's comfortable, the scene is set. The director calls 'action', and we watch it play out.

It's almost flawless, with a few line hiccups here and there; Edward is… _so_ fucking good. Everything he does it utterly natural and believable. Garrett's great as well, and you'd never know that he had issues with the faux marijuana; he plays stoned well. Katrina's even pretty good. Their characters all mesh well too, thanks to the excellent dialogue.

…

…

_My god, he's so good_.

He has such a presence, and the camera is drawn to him.

He's the kind of actor that I want to be.

….

The rest of the day follows in much of the same pattern: rehears a scene for an hour, maybe an hour and a half, talent is sent back to their trailers from an hour or two, talent is brought back to set for the next scene. Unlike Edward said, I didn't really 'see' him again; I watched him while he worked, but Alistair had me running around during any free moments. Even during the lunch and dinner break, I was directed to sit with the rest of the crew while the talent sat together.

_On the bright side, I discovered that Craft had my beloved wheat crackers._

When 9:30 rolled around, Al, as he told me to call him, let me know that things we're going to start shutting down, and that I was free to go.

Which brings us back to now, when I'm about to text Jasper.

**Me**: Are you off yet?

**Jazzy-pur**: Yeah jst grabbin my shit

**Me**: Meet me in the payroll office?

**Jazzy-pur**: Cool

**Me**: Where can I pick up a script?

**Jazzy-pur**: Pro. office—its nxt door

**Me**: K

I head to the payroll office, give them my information, and make my way to the production office. Inside I find a woman typing away furiously on a large silver Mac; I tell her name and ask for a copy of the script. She tells me her name is Sue and that printing the cover of my script will take a minute.

"So do you crew work full time?"

"Uh no," I respond, averting my eyes from hers. "I'm an actor."

Sue nods. "I see."

"Yeah…" I say, feeling embarrassed.

"Well, I would advise you not to… really advertise that here."

"No?" I figured as much.

"Yeah." Her smile is kind.

"Okay… Thanks."

"Not a problem. Oh, and here's your cover now." She quickly binds it all together and hands it me. I stand up.

"See you tomorrow Sue?"

"Maybe, if I'm not stuck in here all day." He tone is jocular.

"Okay then. Have a good night."

Finding Jasper waiting outside, we make our way back to the parking lot, wave goodbye from our cars, head to gate and drive separate ways out onto the road. Arriving home a little less than 10 minutes later, I notice that Rosalie has already gone to bed. I stand in between my fu-bed and the bathroom, contemplating…

"Ah fuck it." Dropping my bag on the floor and retrieving the script, I plop myself down and flip the first page open.

* * *

**A/N: So... Garrett?**

**Bella's job?**

**Lemme know in a review please!**

**Lots of love and shit :)**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	19. HFSB The Script

**Looks like we'll be meeting some more characters...**

**See you down below.**

* * *

…

…

…

Holy. Fucking. Shit bags.

_Holyfuckingshitbags_.

_Holyfu_—okay, yeah.

The script is… mind blowingly good.

The characters are so graphic and real; Daniel is such a complex teenager, and my heart is aching for him. And Rae… oh my god, Rae. Within reading the girl's first few lines, I fall in love with her character… To be in love with someone you cannot touch… Unfortunately, I also feel a wretched sense of gloom, knowing that I would kill to play this part, but will never have the chance.

The plot itself is just, fucking awesome and utterly original; all I can think is how I want to shake the author and say 'how in gods name did you _come up_ with this!'.

Looking at my phone, I notice it's a little past 12:30.

I exhale deeply. "Shit." I wipe the eye boogers and drying tears that have made their way down my face and onto my neck, get ready for bed—tiptoeing around as to not wake Rosalie—and slip under my layered blankets. While I attempt to relax my body enough for slumbering, my mind races: I can see the scenes playing over and over in my head, a constant loop. Edward nails his character each and every time, seeming so real. And I, embodying Rae, do the same… It's perfection.

It's my dream.

…

The next morning I wake to find that bricks on a string have been attached to my eyelids.

No not really, but it feels that way.

I slump my way through my morning routine, grateful that Rosalie is gone. After throwing on a pair of black jeans, a light grey t-shirt of which I tie at my hip, converse and my dark brown-red square watch, I grab my shit and go. Once I've exchanged pleasantries with Mr. Ben, parked, flashed my tits—I'm sorry, my _badge_, at Felix, I make my way to the stage. After I find Al, he gives a rather long list of things to do. "Is this what I'll be doing all day? Completing lists and reporting back to you?"

"No, I'm sure something'll come up and I'll need you to take care of it," my boss says with a grin.

I laugh. "_Oh_kay then." By the time I had completed my third list, it was lunch, which was cut short due to a sudden problem with one of the babies. In the middle of my fourth list, task number nine—locating Al's missing jacket—the owner of said clothing walkies me, asking that I bring David's list of notes down to the costume designer. Once I retrieve the notes, text Jasper about the location of the costume warehouse, I'm in a cart speeding through the thin studio streets. I spot the place, park, and head inside. When I finally find the right motherfucking door, I notice a small spiky haired chick almost immediately; she's way in the back amongst the 1930's pieces.

"Uh, are you the designer?" I call out. She doesn't turn around. "Excuse me, are you the costume designer?" Midget bitch still doesn't see me. I sigh deeply and make my way through the never-ending racks of clothing, pushing and shoving. Upon reaching her, I touch her arm.

Suddenly I'm flung backwards and onto my back. "Fucking _ow_!"

"_Shit!_"

"What the fuck!"

"I'm sorry I'm sorry! I had my headphones on, and—and I just reacted on instinct!"

"Your instinct was to fling me onto my ass!"

"That's what they teach you in self-defense class!"

"Oh my _god_…"

"I really am so sorry, I just wasn't expecting anybody, " she says, pulling me onto my feet.

I wince, reach around and massage my now abused back. "I was coming to—ow—I was coming to give you David's notes from the costume tests," I say, looking around for the now lost papers. She finds them first.

"Oh great! Great great great great."

"Yeah…"

"Alice," she says, shooting her hand out.

"Bella, Alistair's PA."

"Yeah Edward told me about you."

"_Edward_ told you about me?"

"Yeah. I'm mean, he didn't _tell_ me about you, it was just kind of a, a passing thought when he was in here yesterday. It was just sort of a 'hey, Alistair got a new PA, her name's Isabella,' type thing. It wasn't even really a thing honestly."

Uhhhhh, "Oh."

"It's not like he just goes around telling people—I'm a good friend of his. We've worked on a lot of projects together."

"Okay." What the hell else am I supposed to say?

"So… the notes? Did David say anything to you, or is it all in the notes? I'm just gunna assuming that it's all in the notes. I can assume that?"

_Who gave this child candy?_

"Yeah…"

"I'm sorry I'm not usually like this—you just caught me off guard."

"I thought you just threw people around for fun," I chuckle halfheartedly.

"Only on the weekends," she deadpans. I inhale and blink. "I kid I kid." I nod. "Are you enjoying your new job?"

Smiling softly, I answer her. "Yeah, actually, I am. I mean I would definitely rather be her for a—," I cough, "for another reason, but I love the energy here. I love being on a set, and the crew's great. Plus, it's a paying job, so there's that."

"You're an actor."

_Heh_? "What?"

"I'm not going to tell anyone," she responds, with a faux hushed tone, chuckling.

"No I'm not—"

"Bella you're far too gorgeous to _not_ be an actor."

I'm a tad stunned. "Thank you, Alice, but—"

"It's really not a big deal. People have probably told you not to say anything here, and you probably shouldn't, but it's not going to get you fired or anything; it's just frowned upon. You're fine." I don't saying thing. "_Bella_."

Cue eye-roll and soft chuckle. "Yes."

"God, I bet you look beautiful on tape."

_Child is bi-polar_.

"Thank you?"

"You're very welcome."

"What—," my question is interrupted by a vibration on my ass. "I'm sorry one second."

**Blocked**

I can feel my eyebrows furrow as I slide to see the text.

**Blocked**: Come here.

_The hell?_

**Me**: I'm sorry? Who is this?

**Blocked**: Come to my trailer Isabella.

* * *

**A/N: _WHAT_? Who could it BE?**

**I'm sure you know :)**

**What do you think of Alice?**

**Lemme know it a review please!**

**Lots of love & fucking awesome scripts!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	20. Am I Aroused?

**Soooo... ready to find out who the 'Blocked' caller is?**

* * *

Ehem.

"Who is it?"

Alice's voice brings me back to a state of self-awareness. "It's um…" I shake my head.

Bitch laughs. "You have this weird look—it's like a mix of horror and bedroom eyes."

"Yeeeeaaaaahhh. It's uh, it's actually from your buddy Edward."

The laughing ensues. "Whelp, that explains it."

"_What_?"

"Nothing. Okay, so I'll go over these, and if you could please let David know that I wanna go over everything tomorrow with him that would be _great_."

"Sure thang."

**Blocked**: Where are you sweet cheeks? Get your ass over here.

**Me**: WTF?

**Blocked**: I'm kidding. Get over to my trailer.

**Me**: Edward I'm working.

**Blocked**: Not right now you're not; they just started setting up for the next scene. It'll be awhile.

My thumb hovers over the screen. I have no idea how to respond to that.

Dammit.

**Me**: How did you get my number?

**Blocked**: Jasper. And do not avoid my request. Are you cuming or not.

**Blocked**: Sorry, I meant *coming*

He's going to kill me without even touching me.

**Me**: On my way.

A little more than 10 minutes later I'm parked outside his layer, going through the 'favorite-d' list of words on my dictionary app, trying to calm the fucockalating down.

_Rollick, meaning to move or act in a carefree, frolicsome manner, behave in a free, hearty, gay, or jovial way… heh heh, _gay.

…

Ah _gawd_.

Pocketing my phone, I hoist myself up with a lovely grunt and drag my feet over to the door. I knock and wait.

He opens the door and my heart stutters. No no, I have no heart condition that I know of.

"Did you have your script?"

Okay… "No…"

"That's fine, we'll just use mine."

…

Oh! "Oh! You wanted to discuss the script per my reading it."

"And you've read it."

I'll never get over these eyes. "Yes I have."

"Come inside," he says, turning and doing just that.

_Well, fine, then_.

He sits down on the floor, leaning his back against the front of the couch; I assume I'm joining him then. I sit a little ways away from him, also leaning against the couch, the script in between our bodies. "No come here." Suddenly he's reaching and wrapping an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him and script. "You're not gunna be able to see over there, and if I move the script neither will I."

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.

_Shit_.

Electricity.

Sparks.

Shaking.

And then his arm is gone, just as quickly as it came. He's focused on the script now, face showing _no signs_ that he felt any of that.

…

_Well that's depressing. And pathetic_.

"Why are you grimacing?"

"What? I'm not."

"Now you're not."

"I wasn't…"

He raises an eyebrow and lets me stare back at him in silence. "So, the script."

"Yes! The script!"

"What are your thoughts."

I blow out a breath. What are my thoughts? "Simply put… it's incredible."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, absolutely."

"Why do you think so." I tell him about my love for the plot, the dialogue, and especially the characters. "What _about_ the characters?"

"They're… very strongly written. They each have such a presence, and I think it's them that truly drive the story. Obviously there's the literal, big events that take place, but I still think it's largely the characters."

"I know. Such substance to them all, even the supporting."

"Oh defiantly."

"And Rae—I asked you to paying attention to our leading lady."

I want to laugh, but instead I smile broadly. "You didn't _have_ to tell me; within her first few lines I fell in love," I say, flipping through the pages to find her beginning lines.

"You fell in love?"

I nod. "She's very multifaceted—she's not just _one type_ of person. I don't think anyone can say she's _this_, or she's _this_. By the end of the film we get many sides of her."

He's quiet for a moment. "And what did you think of her decision to break up Daniel when she catches him with Eva and the coke?"

_Oh, fuck man_. "At first… I felt like sobbing until I couldn't breathe, but then I realized that… this was right. That she needed this, and so did Daniel… They needed to grown on their own so that they could be better together."

"Hmm."

"Oh god. And when they break up during college…" It felt like a part of my heart died when I read that.

He chuckles softly. My eyes whip up to look at him.

_You're fucking _laughing_?_

"Yeah… I felt like someone ripped a bit a' me out with a rusty knife and chopped it into little pieces when I first read that… I don't think I've cried that much since…" he chuckles some more, not finishing his sentence. His response is a bit passive, but you can tell…

"You connect to Daniel."

He looks up, a small smirk returning. "Yeah. Immensely so."

"That's the way it should be though, shouldn't it? Playing characters whom you can get _into_, and yeah, connect."

"Umhum, yeah," he says quickly. Like, noncommittal, almost? "What about the smut—the mutual masturbation, the _mock cock_?"

Wait what? But we were just…

"Umm, well, I think—" I look up from where I've been folding and re-folding the edge of a page, only to look back down when I see the lascivious smirk his donning. "It was… I mean it's well written. Just like the rest of the script."

_Can we please talk about something else, like the setting, or some BS like that_?

"Did you find it arousing?"

_WHAT_? My eyes shoot up to his, the smirk contained now, but the lecherousness still prevalent in his eyes. "What?"

"Those scenes are meant to titillate Isabella—the script is written for adults."

"Yeah I know…" I can feel heart rate increasing, my hands shaking the slightest…

"Then what did you think."

_I can't—I mean I can't—um…_

"I thought that it was… sexy," I mutter; it's the best I can come up with right now.

"Why."

"Um, because—because everything they're experiences are new and fresh and for the first time, but author writes it in such a mature manner that it's appealing to adults and," I cough, "andyouknowarousing."

"Hmm."

"So uh, mock cock: sparkles yay or nay?"

* * *

**A/N: Did YOU find it arousing?**

**You don't have to answer that :)**

**Thank you SO FREAKIN' MUCH to those of you who reviewed the last chapter-is it mean of me to say that I found joy in your distress?**

**Anywho.**

**Lots of love and sparkly pink mock cocks to you all!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	21. It's Time

**I'm SO very glad you all loved the last chapter! A few of you called me a hussy... Gropes to you all!**

* * *

The next (almost) two weeks were fucking hard.

Lemme tell ya.

Well no, I actually wont tell you, in detail at least, but just trust me when I say crew work is not all fun and games. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely _love_ this set, and I've become very close with many of the crew and production members, but the days are as long as Edward's cock—not that I'm aware of this, but how can you not _assume_—and are growing increasingly more hectic as we near our filming start date. But again, I love this job to pieces. And thankfully, I haven't had any auditions to turn down. Whether that's a positive thing, I do not know.

I've also become closer with Edward. And most of the other cast, of course.

I see him on set everyday, and in between the 'takes' of the rehearsal scenes if you will; we chat and laugh about stupid shit while we both wait for his entrances. Off the set, I can usually be found in his trailer when Alistair doesn't need me; we go over the script endlessly, breaking it down and picking it apart. Recently, he's even begun to ask me to read lines with him… I love these affairs second best to when we're just… hanging out, watching David's past films or something like that. We even include Jasper sometimes, although he's usually busy with Ms. Katrina.

Right now I'm on set, watching a scene with Garrett and Katrina; it's very emotional, and Kate's a mess, crying and that jazz. David calls cut and lets us know that that is the end of the scene and that we need to move to the next set.

"How was I Bella?" Garrett asks.

"You were shit."

"Was I now."

"Yes sir," I deadpan… I don't know how much longer I can keep this face up.

_Aw shit_. I laugh.

"I was _awesome_!"

"Yeah, sure Garrett." He knows I'm kidding; the guy's very talented.

"I'll right, I'll see ya." I nod.

"Alistair do you need me?"

"Uhhh, no," he says, not looking us from his phone.

"Ohhhhkay then." That's my cue to head to a certain trailer.

….

Grabbing my bag and script from the seat next to me, I head over to the now familiar door; I only have to knock once before he's opening it and ushering me inside.

"So what did you want to work on today."

"I was going over the hayride scene, and I just… something about Daniel's emotions in the scene are just—I mean it's very clear that he wants nothing more than to comfort her, but I feel like he's also, sub-consciously, angry at the situation _because_ he can't touch her."

"Yeah, I agree with you. But I don't think the anger is very obvious."

"No absolutely, but it's still there."

"Do you want to work it out?"

He nods. "Yeah, and I want to put us on tape too."

"Oh, okay." Him taping isn't an unusual thing—I'm just never in the shots. I read off-camera.

"And I know I've asked you to just be Rae's reader, but this scene is just—"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I understand." He wants me to go full out, act as if we're on set, filming. The real deal.

He grabs a stool and sets it in front of the couch; he sits down slightly to the right of the stool on the couch and motions for me to sit, my left side to his front, facing the side of the trailer. We're sitting as if we're on a hayride. He gets up, grabs his _flip_ camera and screws it into a tripod, setting the whole thing at a weird angle to the side of us. Sitting back down he grabs the script and reads it over quickly.

"Do you know this scene?"

I nod. "Yeah, I have it memorized."

"Even better. Do you want to take a moment? We'll start from my line of 'are you okay'."

"Yeah, just give me a minute." Before I close my eyes, I see him focusing on his script.

_Okay…_

…

…

_Thinking about things that cause me anxiety…Thinking about things that horrify me mentally, make me feel like I'm losing it… Can't control my distress, my reaction…_

_Working in an office, nine to five._

_Living in the suburbs with two kids, a stay at home mom._

_Failing as an actor_

…

_Oh… my __**god**__._

_I feel myself start to shake._

_My heart rate is spiking._

_I want to scream._

Opening my eyes, I look at Edward and nod.

I'm there.

It's time to begin the scene.

* * *

**A/N: Only a few more chapters before a very BIG plot point comes your way!**

**A few of you are wondering what Edward's 'game' is... Well, you'll see ;)**

**Thank you so FREAKIN' MUCH for your kind reviews!**

**Lots of love and sexy private times with Edward for you all!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	22. Fully In

**EdwardsBloodType is responsible for "High Anxiety", i.e. the content of Bella and Edward's "Pulling Through" scene :)**

**See you below...**

* * *

His eyes are wide, but he nods too. He takes a minute, letting he scene set before speaking his first line.

"Are you okay?" his voice gentle, but concerned. Even I can hear this, and I feel so fucking out of myself.

My head goes down. "I'm just… freaked out," I whisper.

"A…are you having an panic attack?"

Jesus Christ. I shake my head vehemently, hands covering my face. "Oh God…yeah." He grabs the back of my shirt, tugging me towards him onto the couch, angled so that I'm sitting between his legs, not touching.

"Rae, listen to me, okay? You are fine. Take a deep breath through your nose and breathe out your mouth," He instructs.

I do as I'm asked, but it's not helping. I glance around at the other imaginary people with us on the hayride; I'd be so fucking embarrassed if other people were watching me freaking out.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck_. I feel my breathing become erratic as I think about a husband coming home to me each night, not being affectionate, my mundane life. I look up him, wanting his help, but I… I feel so ashamed for feeling like this, but I can't help but be terrified that _that's_ what my life will amount to. Oh _god_, and to have other people _witness_ this!

Suddenly he leans in close to my ear; I can feel his breath grazing my skin. "Bella listen, keep breathing… I want to tell you something. Are you listening?" I nod meekly, feeling my breathing turn to gasps.

FUCK!

Tears are welling and—"Fuck…put your hand behind your back," he commands. Wrapping my left hand around my back, he slips his right hand into my fingers, grasping tightly; I close my eyes and tighten my grip.

Thank you god thank you god.

His long fingers begin to massage my palm, and I turn toward the boy again, looking even more panicked.

"No one can see, Beautiful, don't worry," he whispers as I nod. "I need you to listen to me, okay? Just focus on my voice. I wanted to tell you that um…" he pauses. "What kind of injuries do ghosts get?" _What? _

"Boo boo's."

I don't… _What?_ My breathing still isn't really returning to normal.

"Uh…I didn't eat anything red until I was twelve."

Ummm. "Okay," I whisper.

He continues to rub soothing circles in my palm with his thumb. "And, um…I never ever take out library books because they have too many germs on them. You never know who's sneezed on one."

That makes me chuckle. Oh _Daniel_.

His mouth is so close to my ear. "If there are two chairs next to one another, I have to sit in the left one…I don't know why, but I _have_ to."

"You are such a freak," I whisper, still breathing heavily. His nonsense is helping though…

"Yeah, I know it… I uh…have a box of stuff in my closet that reminds me of you." He utters quickly.

"What's in it?" I pause. "That feels so good by the way." God, it feels really really good.

It feels like we're in our own little world right now.

_He's so…_

"Um…the wand and the empty bag of candy and the matches from the Indian restaurant in Port Angeles, um…your underwear…"

"You kept all that stuff?" I gasp lightly.

Nodding, he responds. "Is that stupid?"

"No, it's so sweet, D. I mean…I kept all that stuff too, but I didn't think you did too." A huge grin begins to cross my face as I take another huge breath. It's working. "Keep going…"

He tucks a curl behind my ear and whispers, "The first time I met you I thought you were shallow and materialistic and totally not who you really are. I didn't like you at all." _Prick! _"But I also thought you were really fucking hot and I couldn't stop staring at your ass." The dick shrugs and chuckles.

"I thought you were a spoiled bad boy with a shitty attitude and I didn't like you either," I whisper. This causes him to laugh, causing me to laugh too. "But I thought you were so beautiful and I kind of wanted to lick your face." I shrug.

See? I can pull that shit too.

But then his face—oh holy shit his facial expression has me dying of laughter!

"You wanted to…lick my fucking face? And you call me a freak? What the hell A?" Edward pretends to be disgusted as he joins my giggling; I feel like I can breath again. "Are you better now?"

"Yeah…it passed. Thank you so much." Taking one last full gulp of cleansing air, I let the relief wash over me.

Thank you god.

I look at him and bit her lip; our faces are still so close.

Looking down at our hands, I see he's no longer tracing circles, but hearts. And I want him to kiss me _so_ fucking badly. It physically hurts.

If he inches just, well, an inch closer…

"Beautiful."

_Oh…_

"This scene, the scene was beautiful." He has yet to take his eyes from me. _Oh._

If you could only _see_ his eyes right now…

And then Edward's up and away from me, stopping the camera.

* * *

**A/N: Well shit...**

**What do you think of Bella's methods as an actor? The scene? And what is UP with Edward?**

**Only 2 chapters until a MAJOR PLOT POINT my lovelies.**

**Thank you lots for all the reviews and alerts/favorites!**

**Lots of love & hand fondling for you all!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	23. Beautiful

**It's safe to say that you all are impressed with Bella's skills :)**

**And many of you are still very frustrated with Edward... You'll gain some insight soon lovelies.**

* * *

I can't look at him. If I do the tears will actually fall from where they've taken space in the corner of my eyes.

He's not saying anything, and I really should ask him why he's not _saying_ anything, but that would require me to look at him, and the non-existent text on my phone is very interesting.

I smile as if the faux texter has sent me something comical.

"Isabella," he inquires. Thank you Je_sus_ above.

"Hum?" I say, not looking up from my phone.

"Look at me."

Shit. "Hold on a second, I need to finish answering this." Setting my phone down, I "itch" both sides of my nose to wipe away any tears that my have dripped out before looking up. "Yes?"

"The scene."

"What about the scene?"

"That was incredible." He's not smiling. He's just looking with intensely rapt eyes. His voice isn't even ardent, it's just decisive.

"Um, I…" I cough.

"Everything about it as a whole, was beautiful."

_God dammit_. I can't stop the tears as they fall; I cry silently as his orbs widen.

"Why are you crying? Is it the scene?"

I nod frantically. "Yes—I'm sorry, the scene just…" I blow out a large breath. "Jesus _Christ_… Sorry, I—I went to a dark place."

He nods.

"Um, so did you get what you needed?"

"Yeah, it looks like the angle worked really well too—you can even see our hands touching."

"That's cool. So, do you think running the scene helped you?" I grab and shift through my bag for some tissues.

He doesn't answer me for a moment. "Yes. It did."

"Well good. That was the point in running it, right."

"Hmm."

"My god, I don't know why I have such a huge ef'ing bag," I mutter to myself, cuz' I can't find my tissues.

"Apparently it's a trend," says Edward, who is no longer on the couch, but directly behind me with his mouth by my ear, his breath on my shoulder and his body _so_ close I can feel the heat. Shit he smells good. "That's what Alice said anyways."

I can't respond even if I want to.

One hand goes down on the table to my left, and the other reaches under my right, searching arm; he'd be caging me in if it weren't for the fact that the hand grabs the nearby water bottle, and he pulls his body back from me. "Needed to grab my water," he utters, low into my ear.

"Yep." A warm, wet feeling begins down below. Surprisingly—or un-surprisingly maybe—this only makes me feel like crying some more. "Alistair said something about wanting me to come back before the set's finished, so I think I need head over now." I turn my body around to face him. "So I'll see you on set."

"On set." I nod, avoiding his eyes, and head outside without another word.

A shitty way to leave?

… Yeah.

Necessary?

Unfortunately.

The rest of my day is crazy busy, and thankfully I don't see Edward very much; I can't handle that right now.

After Eric calls it a day, and I'm finally in Rosalie's car on the way home, the Bluetooth alerts me that my agent is calling.

_Yayayayayayyayayya!_

I press the accept button. "Hello?"

"Hi Bella it's Charlotte."

*Cue eye roll*. _Duh_. "Hi Charlotte," I chip enthusiastically.

"So I have an audition for you tomorrow—I know it's a Saturday and it's last minute, but the director just wants to throw something together."

Lovely. "Okay…"

"They have you down for noon tomorrow—it's for a short film called _Ordinary Life_, Bob MacDonald is casting, and you'd be going in for the role of Minnie. I've e-mail you the sides and breakdown. Are you availble?"

No. "Yeah I have nothing going on." Always the enthusatic one I am.

"Okay great! Thanks Bella."

"Thank you Charlotte!"

Pressing the 'end call' button, I pull into the lot.

Meeeeehhhhheeeeeee.

Once I'm inside and opening my laptop, I groan again.

"What the fuck are you moaning about!" Rosalie yells from her bedroom.

"I have an audition tomorrow, and I'm looking at the breakdown."

"Who's casting it?"

"Bob MacDonald."

"What the fuck is that!"

"My point."

"And your role?"

"No… just _no_."

"I'm assuming you're gunn go?"

"Of course."

"Well I need my car tomorrow."

"Seriously?"

"Yep!"

_Fuuuhuuuccckk_. "Okay, I'll just take the bus."

"Kay."

….

"Okay, that was really great! Thanks so much for coming in on short notice!"

"Not a problem at all! Thank you so much, it was great meeting you!"

"You too!"

_Twat stick_ _fucknut_.

Yeah… I'm not book that part.

Again, I walk out of the taping room feeling like shit, and take out my phone as I drag myself to the elevators.

I'm in the middle of going through my facebook feed when Jasper texts me.

**Jazzy-pur**: U are NOT going 2 believe wat JST HAPPENED

**Me**: What happened?

My phone chimes with his next text.

"HOLY _SHIT!"_

* * *

**A/N: Huh... I wonder what's up...**

**Yes, Bob MacDonald is a real casting director, but I mean no harm to him or any infringement on his character!**

**THANK YOU oodles to those of you who reviewed, expressed your distress, your love, and alerted/favorite-d!**

**Lots of love & clean (they never are) bus rides for you all!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	24. Studio Disaster

**EDWARD'S DEAD?! WHAAAAT?!**

* * *

Going into my favorites, I press Jasper's name; his phone rings twice before he picks up. "Jasper! What the fuck is—"

"Would it be possible for you to head to the studio offices right now?"

"Right now? Jasper I don't—"

"Everyone's freaking the fuck out, and Alistair's probably going to want you to be there."

Sighing deeply, I answer, "You're lucky I already finished with my audition; I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Meet you out front."

"Kay." I hang up and head to the nearest bus stop, concurrently looking up the studio's address and the next bus routes. _Lovely. 50 minutes_.

My mind is fucking _reeling_ three buses later and a 15 minute walk, but none the less I'm heading towards the gate where Jasper's waiting. "What the fuck happened?" I ask.

"I don't know all the details—we'll figure it out once we're in the meeting room."

Another 10 minutes later we're heading up to an upper floor in a glossy floored, gold plated elevator. I look at Jasper out of the corner of my eyes. "I can't believe she's pulling this… Did she _say_ anything to you?"

He shrugs. "I mean not really. But honestly, I'm not surprised." My eyebrows rise on their own volition. Before he can explain, the doors open and we're shuffling out and walking down the hall to the double wood doors.

I can already hear the shouting and cursing.

"Oh Jesus," Blue sighs. He opens a door and we try to slip in as quietly as possible.

"How the _FUCK_ did this HAPPEN!" a man in an expensive suit yells.

"Don't fucking blame me Aro!" David reciprocates.

"Gentlemen I think we all need to calm down here and create a plan of action," poor Alistair attempts to mediate.

"A plan of fucking action? Our lead actress, miss Katrina _Collins_, decides to up and quit three fucking _days_ before we start shooting and you want me to calm _down_?"

"I know this is bad Mr. Volturi, but we're not gunna be able to fix this if we don't all take things down a notch."

"Take things down a notch my ass," Aro, who I assume is one of the head bigwigs of _Fox Searchlight_, mutters. "Jane, my fucking pills." A slender blonde woman hands him an orange bottle of pills, of which he downs two of with a single gulp of water.

"David, why don't you tell Mr. Volturi about Kate," Alistair says.

The director scoffs. "She shouldn't have been hired in the first place."

"Are you questioning my judgment!"

"I'm stating a fact Aro!"

"Gentlemen!"

David takes a deep breath and continues. "Kate was not a pleasant person to work with; actually no, that's an understatment. She was late all the time, rude, had a bad attitude, would disregard any advice or direction I had to give, and we could _all tell_ that she didn't want to be on set."

_Huh. So it wasn't just me that notice that shit?_

"Well, now we're all fucked," Aro growls. It's like he didn't even hear what David said.

"We're trying to work something out sir, " Alistair pipes in.

"Do you know how much this is going to cost us?"

"Oh fuck the cost!" David yells to the ceiling.

"Fuck the—"

"Gentlemen! Why don't we take a five minute break and then reconvene." Each man agrees and turns toward their own team. I guess this is my cue…

"Alistair?" Jasper's following behind me as I tap my boss on the shoulder.

"Oh! Bella, great, hi."

I nod. "Jasper told me about Katrina—what the hell happened?"

He closes his eyes and lets out a deep breath; this poor man. "She, Edward, David and few other crew member we meant to have a small rehearsal today, and this morning she walks right onto set, tells David she's quitting and leaves; David starts freaking the fuck out, Eric calls her team and they confirm it, talking about the loopholes in her contract. And now we're here, trying to figure out what the _fuck_ we're gunna do."

My head is spinning.

"Jesus Christ."

He nods. "Do you mind staying and taking notes?"

"Yeah yeah yeah, not a problem." I text Rosalie letting her know I'll be working today, while Jasper speaks with Alistair about his schedule.

A few minutes later I've been given a notepad and we're seated around the long, square, cherry wood table.

The men and a few women discuss possible plans of action, going back and forth between a few; they're discussing a quick recasting of Rae, and how many days they'll have to push back filming.

…_who can we cast on such short notice?_

…_want Edward to be comfortable with her…_

_The other Collins sister?_

_Justice?_

_Cyrus?_

_Lawrence?_

…_need two or three weeks time?_

Although I'm present in body, and I'm physically keeping notes, my mind is so… not here.

One thought swirls through my mind, and one thought only.

I want to play Rae.

* * *

**A/N: 3 more chapters until shit goes down lovelies :D**

**Sooooooo? Is it what you expected? Many of you wanted to cut off my non-exixstent balls last night.**

**What did you think of the studio debacle?**

**The ever lovely Kate?**

**Lemme know!**

**SO much love for the last chapter reviwers & alerters!**

**Lots of the above & happy pills from Jane for you all!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	25. When You Say I Can't

**2 more chapters my dears!**

* * *

By the time the meeting is over, is been more than three hours.

_These fat fuckers in suits can talk._

The comical thing is, is that nothing's really been decided: they don't have a concrete list of actress—only a few to call about the project—, they're only halting filming for a week—then they'll have another meeting next weekend—, and the rest is just… _ugh_.

Before Jasper and I leave, Alistair stops me. "David's decided to use this extra week for more rehearsals with the other cast members, so I'll see you on Monday. Cool?"

"Cool."

…

…

We're both silent on the ride down and to Jasper's car. We're silent when we pass through the gate, we're silent when we hit the first main road, and we're silent when we get onto the freeway.

_Shit_. _God dammit, say something._

"Jasper."

"Yeah?"

"I… I want…" Oh god. "I want Rae. I want that part… I want to audition for her."

"Okay?"

"No not okay Jasper! You and I both know what I would need to do in order for that to happen!"

"What's the problem with that?"

"I can't—I can't ask him."

"_What_ Bella? _What_ can't you ask him." I know he knows what I'm talking about…

…

…

"I care about him Blue," I whisper.

"You what?"

"I care about this boy."

"Bella—"

"I can't ask Edward to get me an audition for Rae. He'll absolutely think that's why I'm friends with him, so I can get ahead."

"Bumble…. this could potentially change your career as an actor; this isn't something to just fucking throw away."

I wait a moment. "He's too important…"

"That's bullshit! This is about _you_ and who you _are_ as an actor… This is your _life_."

"He's important to me Jasper!" I can't stop the voice crack this time.

"And you're important to me!"

…

…

…

We both say nothing for a few very pregnant beats… what the hell do you—

"As your friend, and as someone involved in this industry, you would be making a very large mistake by not asking him… If you're such good friends, then he should understand." His voice has turned somber.

...

Jesus _fuck_.

He speaks again, softly. "When I texted you that Kate quit, the first thing that came into your mind was 'I should play that part,' am I right?"

I glare at him. "Of course it was."

"And why is that."

"What do you mean _why is that_? Because I _know_ this role! I know Rae better than I know myself! Because it's my absolute dream role. Of-fucking-course I thought that!"

"And Kate?"

"Kate doesn't know Rae."

"Not like you do?"

… _No_… "Not like I do."

He's quiet again.

"You should be playing that role Bella… Ask him."

…

…

…

"I can't Jasper, I can't. I can't I can't I can't." I also can't contain the sobs leaving my chest.

"Yes. You _can_."

…

"I _can't!"_

…

"Bella…"

…

_God I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't._

_..._

…

…

…

_God, no I can't I can't I can't I can't._

…

…

…

"Okay."

* * *

**A/N: Po Bella.**

**What did you think of her conversation with Jasper?**

**Whatchu think is gunna happen when she speaks with Edward, IF she speaks with him?**

**I want your thoughts!**

**Lots of love & supportive friends for you all!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	26. Suck it the F— Up

**You all are probably going to want to strangle me after this chapter, but TOMORROW my lovely readers, TOMORROW.**

* * *

"You got this. You got this. You got this. You got this. You got this."

When I wake up on Monday morning, my body feels as if I'm on my way to an audition: cold sweats, shaking, diarrhea, horrid anxiety and then some.

But I'm not.

I'm getting ready for work. I'm getting ready to see Edward.

I attempted to go over what to say yesterday, but every time I try my stomach heaves.

So preparation is a no-go.

I figure I'll just have to wing it and hopefully he'll understand…

…

…

_No no no no no, fucking NO!_

I reach for my phone and—

**Jazzy-pur**: U cn do this

**Me**: I was just about to call you…

**Jazzy-pur**: U need 2 do ths 4 urself

…

**Jazzy-pur**: Remembr this cn mke ur career Bella

…

**Me**: I know. Thank you Blue.

**Jazzy-pur**: Get the fuck ovr 2 set

After throwing on a pair of jeans, emerald green t-shirt, and my classic pumas, I grab my shit and head out.

…..

The set's unusually quiet. I notice this after I've shown my badge to Felix and ambled into the inner sound stages. Most of the golf carts are parked, there aren't many people around and… yeah.

_Wow_.

Walking into to stage four I spot my boss. "Hey, how was your weekend?"

He gives me an incredulous look. "I think you know how my weekend was."

"Of course, how stupid of me… there's… nobody here." Looking around I saw David, the camera operator Paul, Eric, the cinematographer Randall, and a few people working Craft.

"Yep, just us all here and Edward, Garrett, and Peter, who are all in their trailers."

"So um," I cough, "what do you want me doing today."

"I just want you here when rehearsals are in progress, just in case I need something but can't get away. Ya know, the usual bullshit."

I really do have a cool boss. "Alrighty, I'll be here. But what about now? Is there anything you need right now, because I'm completely available."

He looks at his clipboard. "Uhhhh, no, this week's going to be pretty relaxed. On set at least."

"Are you sure there's nothing you need right now?"

"Yep." Before I can protest, David calls for Alistair.

…

…

…

Fuck.

I'm trying not to think as I grab a cart and head to my destination. All too soon, I'm there and his door is beckoning me.

Pulling out my phone, I re-read my conversation with Jasper this morning.

…

_I know he's right._

_He's right._

_I can ask this, it's not that big of a deal._

_It's really not._

_Calm your tits Bella._

When I finally force my heavy body from the seat and to the steps, I reach into my shirt and pull out the necklace that has remained there ever since I purchased it on my first day in Los Angeles.

_If you took acting away from me, I'd stop breathing…_

Kissing the plate, I let it drop back into my shirt.

I knock once.

Wait.

He opens the door.

"Can I come in?" I pause. "I have to talk to you."

* * *

**A/N: I know I KNOW!**

**But chapter 27 is going to hit ya like a ton o' bricks.**

**Prepare yourselves.**

**What's your take on her relationship with Jasper? I'm curious...**

**Anybody know what Craft is?**

**Lemme know my loves, I freakin' love reading your reviews :)**

**Lots of love & kick-ass bosses for you all!**

**I'm on the tweeter if ya want to say hi= iluvtwilightmre**


	27. The End

**You're gunna want to read the A/N below...**

* * *

Edward's just looking at me, his usually disarming eyes seeming vacant.

"Come inside then." Leaving the door open, he walks away and leans his body, crossing his arms, on the diner-style table attached to the wall. I follow him, shutting the door, and attempt to slowly plop myself onto the couch I've come to adore.

I can probably, just, get this out easier if I'm sitting.

…

…

Yeah no, it's really not much easier.

He's waiting, not saying a thing.

_Duh, you fucking moron. Was it not _you_ who asked to speak with him?_

Right.

"So I heard about Kate."

"Of course you did." There's a slight edge to his voice.

"What happened?"

"Don't ask questions you already know the answer to Isabella."

"I just wanted to know what you thought…"

"What did you want to talk about."

_She-et_.

…

Fucking do. Fucking _do IT_.

"You know that in this um, in this industry, it's very hard to become sucsexful—sorry, suc_cessful_, and ya know, when there's an opportunity, you have to… you know you're supposed to grab it—"

"Ask me Isabella. Ask me what I know you want to ask me."

…

Wait, what?

_He's giving you an opening, so growing a damn pair and TAKE IT!_

"IwanttoauditionforRae."

"What was that?"

"I was wondering if you could pull some strings, so that I could be seen for Rae," I inform the carpet.

…

Laughing?

Nope.

Yelling?

Nope.

Silence?

Yes.

It's deafening.

Then I look up.

My favorite pair of eyes give me nothing. _Nothing_. The vacancy is back, and it's at full force. His mouth dons a small smirk though.

"Really."

No. No no no no no no.

"Edward, please let me explain," I tell him calmly, much to my own surprise. "You have to know—god you _must_ know this about me by now—that I _adore_ acting more than anything in my _entire, life_. Without it I'm nothing. It's who I am to the core. And Rae, oh my god this part, this character… is incredible!" I have so much to say to him, and it's like I can't get it all out. "But Edward, you have to know that I am not friends with you for the sole reason of—of getting ahead in my career. That's not who I am as a person! And I can't even tell you how much I value our relationship…" my voice tapers off into a whisper.

…

Well.

Abruptly he starts to chuckle.

"What _relationship_, do we have Isabella."

_What?_

I shake my head back and forth, with quick and sharp motions. "What?"

"What. Relationship. Do we. Have." His voice is suddenly sharper, yet somehow lower and almost a bit mocking.

"I don't understand."

"You don't understand," he mutters under his breath.

"Edward…" What the hell is happening here?

"Actresses use me all the time Isabella. For roles…. And if they're good, I let them." Sharp. Seductive.

…

…

…

I don't know if I say anything in response.

"In return, I get to fuck them."

…

…

…

"Audition for Rae."

…

…

…

"Shall we get to it then? I'm in the mood for something _hard_ and _rough_." He reaches into his back pocket, and pulls out a condom. He begins to unzip his jeans.

…

…

"_Oh god… no,_" I whisper.

Without another word or look I'm out and in the cart, speeding so fast I almost crash more than twice.

I can't see.

My sobs are too much.

By the time I reach the sound stage, I clap my hand over my mouth; it's the only way I can contain my noise without disturbing the rehearsal.

I reach Alistair.

"I quit, " I try to tell him as quietly as possible.

I don't give him as chance to protest as I drop my badge in his lap and sprint out into the lot.

And I don't really let myself go until I reach the car.

I'm falling apart.

I've had enough.

I'm done.

* * *

**A/N: *cringes* Please don't smite me yet!**

**I know you all probably want to slaughter Edward, but lots of shit is happening here that Bella doesn't know yet, mm'kay?**

**In due time, things will come to light. I promise.**

**Get ready though, 'things' are about to pick up.**

**Lots of love &... yeah.**

**Find me on the tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	28. In & Out

**I'm blown away by last chapters response my lovely readers, so THANK YOU.**

* * *

… I wish I could explain how I feel right now.

I'm back in the apartment on my bed, and Rosalie is gone.

I'm glad.

… I wish I could explain how I feel right now… Am I feeling at all?

I don't know.

I can try. I guess.

…

…

It's just a painful numbness. Which is a paradox, I know, but I don't give a fuck.

There's so much hurting I can barley breathe… but I have no desire to sit up.

…

…

I think there would be less pain if I knew why this happened.

But I don't.

…

…

My mind is mush, yet very clear, replaying the whole scene in my head.

I feel nauseated.

I'm replay our entire relationship over in my mind, trying to find _something_ that should have tipped me off…

_What _relationship_ do we have Isabella…_

Oh _god_ stop stop STOP!

…

…

Je_sus_.

…

A few hours later my body feels stiffly sore from the lack of movement.

As if I care.

…

"Oh my god," I sob into my pillow.

Losing Edward is hurting me significantly.

Losing Rae only adds to the pile of misery.

_It's all killing me._

…

…

As an actor, you go on plenty of auditions within your whole career; you become attach to some characters you play, but it fades quickly when you don't hear about a callback. It's the life.

But when you invest your everyday job, your time, your mind, your heart, your goddamn _soul_, and your affections into a role… to lose it feels like you've lost a loved one… Rae was a loved by me.

And I've lost her.

…

I feel like I should rationalize with myself, tell my overworked brain that this girl was fictional, that she's not even fucking real. That I sound like a damn moron.

I know I do.

But I can't. Not now. She's still too fresh and developed in my mind.

…

…

…

_Everything is gone._

_A dream is gone._

_A dream I allowed myself to want is gone._

…

…

…

_So many things are swirling around it my head... It's all shit._

…

…

…

_I miss him so much_.

"_Shit_," I whisper to myself. The sound of my voice almost makes me jump; the place has been silent for so long.

Until it's not.

The telltale clomps of Rosalie's Louboutin heels make themselves known, and I'm not ready to people around people.

Especially Rosalie.

"Bella? Are you home?" she calls.

I can't answer. She'll find my anyway.

"You look like shit."

Cunt.

"Are you crying."

"Fuck off Rosalie," I whisper.

"What did you just say?"

"I said FUCK. OFF."

"What the _fuck_ is your _problem_!"

Are you fucking kidding me? I glare at her.

"I don't need this from you—I don't _deserve_ this from you!"

"Leave me the fuck alone…" My body turns away and lies back down.

She scoffs and leaves, slamming her door shut.

My head throbs from the superfluously booming sound, and I sob harder.

I almost don't hear my phone ringing—it's Jasper. I slide and listen.

…

"Bella?"

…

"Bella I can hear you breathing. Please speak."

…

"_Bella_!"

"Do _not_ fucking yell right now Jasper!"

"You weren't answering me."

"What-the-fuck-ever."

He doesn't respond. "I heard you quit."

"Imagine that."

"The fuck Bella."

"I'm not going to explain myself to you _Jasper_."

"That's bullshit—what the hell happened?"

_Absolutely not. _"No. I'm not talking about this."

Jasper growls, or something. "Enough of—"

"I MEAN IT JASPER."

That silences him.

…

"Bella please…"

"No."

"Okay well, what are you going to do about a job?"

_Oh Jesus_. "I guess I'll go back to doing what I did before."

"Okay…"

"Anything else?"

"A few things actually, but you probably wont answer them."

I don't respond.

"So… what, I'll see you?"

"Sure."

"Bella!"

_Come on God, please just give me some motherfucking peace!_ "Please, just leave me alone right now… I don't know what else to tell you."

…

"Okay."

I hang up.

I shove my face into two pillows instead of one.

I'm free to let go again.

I do.

* * *

**A/N: Ya'll knew I had to let the poor girl grieve.**

**Be honest, did any of you tear up?**

**No?**

**That's cool.**

**So uh, things with Jasper are a little rocky...**

**Okay then.**

**Lots of love & good cries for you all!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	29. Will Verbalize For Hugs

***wipes tears* I lobe you guys.**

* * *

It's been almost two days.

I want to stay wrapped up in my blankets forever, but I need my jobs back, namely at _Kitchen_. It's surprisingly easy to call my old boss and ask to be put back on the schedule; he tells me that if I can come in for a shift tonight through the early morning, that I'm in. I tell him yes.

I cry a bit afterwards.

Now I'm pulling my hair into a ponytail and putting on my uniform.

…..

My buses are late arriving and dropping me off, but thankfully I'm still on time when I walk into the back room to clock in.

Diego sees me before I see him.

"Baby what's wrong," he asks, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling my back into his front.

"Nothing—"

"Sister-bitch don't give me nun a dat. Iz can see somethin' be way fucked up from a mile o'way."

"… D I can't talk about this right now," the love and kindness in his über flamboyant voice tempting a fresh wave of tears.

"Well cum awn then dearie," he says, grabbing my wrist and dragging me to the back.

"Austin's gonna see us Diego!" I hiss.

"Hey C baby! Can ya do me fava and cover the bar fo a few minutes?" Collin looks at my face, gives me sad eyes, a blown kiss, and heads out.

That alone increases my desire to blubber my heart out. _I'll give him an ass-grab later_.

Diego grabs my arms and forces me to look at him. "Spill baby."

I must look fucking hideous with my face getting all red, chin quivering and my make-up running—waterproof my ass.

"Do you remember when I told you about Edward?"

He nods.

"So um, we started getting really close at work, like as friends and stuff, and things seemed to be going really well, and then he—" my voice suddenly spikes in pitch. I know what I have to say, but I _really_ don't want to verbalize this. It'll be the first time. "Oh _god_," I sob, letting myself fall into his shoulder. He's petting my hair and rubbing my back.

"Then he what sweetums?"

"Jesus fucking _Christ_ D, what he did—it killed me, it's _killing me_! And I don't even know what really happened!"

"Baybum, _what happened_?"

I look up into Diego's eyes. "He told me he'd get me an audition if he could fuck me."

It takes _every, single, ounce_,of me to say that.

My friend's eyes widen and he lets out a feminine gasp, even for him. "Oh baby baby baby, I'm sorry. Here, come hug meh 'til ya feels better." I don't know how long we're wrapped up, but soon Austin's voice is behind us.

"I'm not paying you both so you can stand around and hug."

"Oh fuck off Austin," Diego responds for the both of us, turning our bodies to face him.

"You can't speak to me like that Diego! This is my fucking domain! Don't think that I wont fire your ass—"

"Bitch half the people _in_ this place come to see my beautiful ass!"

Austin opens his mouth, but closes it after a few seconds. Everybody in this place knows D's a huge moneymaker here. "Whatever. Get your ass's back to work." With that he leaves.

"I bet he hasn't gotten laid in awhile," my gay-lover mutters.

I have to reward him with a weak chuckle. "Oh Diego."

"Come awn sister-bitch: wez gots ta work our fine ass's." He's smiling, but his eyes are telling me that he's sorry.

Me too.

….

Work is… work.

The tips are meh.

The apartment's not much better with Rosalie home.

It's all shit.

And I feel like I can't escape it.

I throw away my script, delete the studio's information from my phone—but I keep Alistair's—, search the online breakdowns, and settle onto Craigslist.

I can barely feel the silent and ever-steady stream of tears that have been marking my face since I dropped the collectively bound pages into the trash.

_Be a promotional model for a new brand of mens socks on Melrose this WEEKEND!_

Ugh, no.

_Submit_.

_Please help me rub—_

My phone rings. It's Charlotte. For the first time in my life, I consider ignoring it.

…

_Accept_.

"Hi Charlotte," I greet her, lacking my usual peppiness for once.

"Hi Bella! I have some absolutely incredible news for you!"

"Oh yeah?" This'll be good. That was sarcasm.

"I just got a call from the producers at _Fox Searchlight_, and they want you to come in for a chemistry read Edward Cullen! He's co-staring in David Fincher's newest project, and they want you to come in for the leading female role! Isn't this exciting!"

…

Um.

* * *

**A/N: Huh. Well then :)**

**I love writing Diego-he cracks me up.**

**And Craigslist LA-gigs/odd jobs? That shit I've found on there... *shivers***

***NOTICE* As a few holiday's are approaching, posting may a bit off; for example, I will not be posting on Halloween or November 7th, my birthday...**

**Mm'kay?**

**Thank you SO DAMN MUCH for the reviews and love ya'll have been leaving!**

**Lots of love & happy agent calls for you all.**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	30. Go Up

**Hot DAMN! These chapters are getting longer! I just finished one chapter that's so long, that ya'll aren't getting an update the next day :)**

* * *

It's taken my agent probably about four minutes before she gets my attention; when she does, well, it's not like I'm giving her much to work with. I hear myself answering in one word responses, sighs, mm-hums, and uh-huhs. I can't help it though.

All I'm really picking up right now is that the reading's tomorrow, it's at the studio offices, and that she's sending me the sides via e-mail. _Like I don't already have the damn script memorized_.

I tell her thanks, she wishes me luck, I hang up.

Exhausted from work, I want nothing more than to take a long-ass nap, but _no_, that's all fucked now that _this_ is happening…

…

Oh sweet mother of god.

Closing all the tabs I've opened, I open up my e-mail and sure enough there's one from Charlotte; the message informs me that a car will be retrieving me at 11:30 for my noon appointment, a breakdown is attached—like I need it—, and the sides are as well.

I click on the attachment.

And promptly burst into tears.

…

The scene is… there's so much—and we'd have to—and god I can't!

…

I think I'll take a nap now.

…

…

Five hours later—after my tears have lulled me to sleep—, I wake up feeling slightly better; the room's no longer spinning, the pounding in my brain has ceased a bit, and I think I'm all cried out.

_Well then_.

Locating my cell, I press on a favorite; it only rings once.

"Bella?"

"Hi Jasper."

"Hey… I'm glad you're finally calling me."

"Yeah…"

"Is there a particular reason?"

I blow out a breath. "Yes… I got a call from my agent a little bit ago, and she told me that the producers of _Pulling Through_ want me to come in for a chemistry read."

"Holy _shit_! Bella, that's fucking—that's, I mean, holy shit."

I nod even though he can't see me.

"So, why are you calling me then? Did you need directions to the offices?" he teases lightly.

I open my mouth but nothing comes out.

"Bella? You still there?"

"I don't think I can go Jasper," I whisper.

He sighs very deeply. "Feels like we were just having this conversation," he mutters. "Okay listen to me Bella, because I'm only going to tell you this once: you _have_ to go to the reading. You're basically _in_, so all you have to do is make pretend sparks fly with Edward, and you've got it. You're _this, close_, Bella. Don't be a dumbass."

"I'm not being a dumbass!"

"So go to the damn reading! I don't know why you're even questioning this!"

"I CAN'T SEE EDWARD, OKAY!"

Silence fills the line.

…

"Did something happen with him?"

Aw, _she-it_. God fucking job Bella. "No."

"I don't believe you."

_..._

_..._

_Just get it out now, just get it out now_. I grit my teeth. "Jasper… I can't talk about it right now… but I just can't see him."

"Stop making fucking excuses, and put on your big girl panties!" he yells, suddenly sounding angry.

"Fuck you Jasper! Don't yell at me!"

"No, I'm not going to _not_ yell at you when you're being such a damn pussy about this! Grow some fucking balls Bella, and get the fuck over it. Do _not_ let some guy dictate your career."

"You don't know what the fuck you're even talking about!"

"Maybe not, but I can see what's right in front of you: a once in a lifetime opportunity. So fucking grab it already."

"I fucking—"

"Bye Bella, good luck at the reading." He hangs up.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHG!" I scream, throwing my phone down onto my fu-bed.

_FUCK_.

_Fuck!_

_Fuck._

…

_Fuck…_

…_Fuck…_

_Oh god._

Shit.

I'm not thinking as I push my body from the low futon, and walk into the bathroom. Turning on the light, I look at myself in the small mirror; my eyes are swollen and red, and so is my nose and lips.

_Fuck it._

"You got this. You got this… You got this… You got this… You got this… You _got_ this….. _You got this_."

_I think_ about nothing else as I stroll back to my computer and go over the sides a couple of times; it's really just a refresher, and I honestly don't need it, but I do it anyways.

I try _not_ to think about what'll happen tomorrow as a result of this scene.

If I do, I don't think I'll be able to physically survive the pre-anxiety.

_Oh look, a fanfic update!_

….

It's the morning of _the reading_, and… yeah. I'm a fucking mess.

This is why I woke up two hours early, so I could deal with _this._

As 11 o'clock nears, I know I have to get dressed now; I've already done my hair and light make-up, but I can't avoid clothes any longer… I've applied deodorant four extra times now.

I pull on a shamrock-green, relatively form fitting crew neck t-shirt to tie at my hip, dark wash skinny jeans, a thin dark brown braided belt in the loops, and flat brown ankle boots. Looking at myself over in the mirror, I can't help but smile; _it's so Rae_.

My musings are interrupted when my phone rings: it's the driver downstairs, alerting me that he's arrived and waiting.

_Don't think don't think don't think_.

With my bag on my shoulder and cell in my pocket, I'm locking the door and down the back steps heading around to the front.

A driver with neutral eyes is opening my door and ushering me inside.

….

We arrive early, so I recite some of my old Shakespeare monologues in my head.

_I left no ring with her, what means this lady… fortune forbid my outsides have not—_

"Miss, they'd like for you to go inside now," the driver informs me.

I sigh. "Thank you, and thank you also for the ride." He nods his head. I depart the car, and make my way inside the pristine lobby, where I find a pretty looking woman with red lips at the front desk. "Hi, I'm supposed to come in for a reading today with the producers of _Pulling Through_?" I have no idea what to say—I've never gotten this far before in an audition.

"Your name?"

"Bella Swan?"

She types away on her large Mac. "I have an Isabella Swan."

"Yup, that's it."

"Okay, it'll take a minute for your pass to print."

"Okay," I choke out. While the young receptionist focuses on her screen, I close my eyes and breathing deeply through my mouth…

_You got this._

_You got this._

_You got this._

_This is for you Bella._

_This is for your career, and for you._

_You _got this_._

"Okay, you can go on up," she says, passing me the still-warm paper badge.

Okay.

_Let's do this._

* * *

**A/N: That Shakespeare monologue is the one I used to use :)**

**So, whatchu think?**

**Po Blue (Jasper? Jazz? Smooth Blue Jazz? BLUE? Get it?)...**

**THANK YOU MUCH for all the love you sexy ladies left last chapter.**

**Lots of the the above & confidence for you all!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	31. So You Don't Recognize Me?

**All you East coast lovelies, be safe!**

* * *

It's a completely different experience coming here as an actor, as opposed to a crewmember. And no matter how many times I tell myself 'dude, you were just here a few days ago and you _weren't_ losing your shit,' I can stop _shaking_. Thankfully, no one's in the elevator as I take a ride down. Jumping up and down, I shake and flail to try and work out the ever present anxiety.

… It's helping a tad, but not much.

"Heh heh," I chuckle quietly to myself. For some reason, I've continually done this exercise when I'm already aware that its effectiveness is… yeah it just doesn't work. _I guess I'll just to accept my perpetual state of shit-tasticness_.

The doors ding and slide open smoothly, and I'm almost immediately greeted by a red head who ushers me into a large and corporal looking waiting room.

"Are you Isabella?"

_She knows my name_? "Uh yes."

"Great, I'll let them know you're here."

_Why hello stomach clench, I was wondering when you'd show up._

She disappears into one of two double doors… she hasn't returned for a few minutes…

I close my eyes and let my body slouch into the sofa.

…

…

_Hi, my name is Rae Lewin._

_I'm 16._

_My best friend's name is Allison._

_My mom owns an awesome boutique in Phoenix._

_I love cute sweaters and heeled boots._

_And I'm so fucking in love with a boy I can't touch._

_His name is Daniel._

_He's perfect._

… _I want him so much I could die._

_I love him._

…

…

_I can't taste the sexual tension in the air when—_

"They're ready for you now," the red head says, interrupting my thoughts.

"Right now?"

"Ya."

…

_Okay._

"Okay. Thank you… Do mind if I leave my stuff out here?"

"I'll take it."

"Oh great, thanks again."

"They're waiting for you."

"Yeah I know." She smirks and walks away, over to her desk when a phone starts to ring. I take the few steps towards the doors and breathe. _I am Rae. I got this._

Grabbing the handle, I swiftly push and walk inside, keeping my eyes on the ground. I close the door and look up.

…

…

The rooms is quite large, and there's a raise platform area that looks almost like a stage; there are a few rows of chairs which remind me of a small black box theater, and a table set up in front of them all.

"Hi Isabella, I'm Mark Silver!" a man seated at the table says, waving.

I giggle and wave back. "Hi there Mark."

"Thank you so much for coming in today!"

"No it's not a problem! This project is worth it." I mean that.

"We're glad you think so. This is Bob Shapiro, Liam Montgomery, Tia Jones, and myself of course—we're the producers."

I nod. I know this already. "Hi everyone, it's nice to meet you all." They each smile and return the sentiment.

Mark motions to the few men and women sitting up in the seats. "We have Aro, Caius, and Marcus Volturi, heads of _Fox Searchlight_ with us today."

"It's nice to see you all again gentlemen," I smile brightly. They make no motions.

Fuckers probably don't remember me.

"And lastly, our stupendous director David Fincher and our AD Alistair Banks, whom you already know?"

I nod. "It's good to see you David, Alistair." I'm trying to convey my apology with my eyes, but I'm not sure if it's working…

"And of course, Edward."

…

…

…

_I have to look at him._

_I need to look at him._

_LOOK AT HIM!_

I do.

…

_God. God god god._

He's so much more beautiful than when I last saw—

Yeah.

"Hi," I whisper. The burning in my throat's starting up again, a sure sign of my impending tears.

"Hi Isabella," he whispers back, his voice soft, gentle.

He looks so fucking sexy in his white v-neck, faded black jeans, and converse. Fuck me if it isn't all form fitting.

_The burning's increasing_. I can't hold his gaze anymore.

"Did you two want to take a minute before the scene starts, talk to each other?" Mark suggests.

"Thanks Mark," Edward agrees (and to my surprise), grabbing my hand to pull me to the back of the room near the platform.

I'm being electrocuted. I yank my hand from his once he's stopped us.

_Fuck_.

We're standing directly in front of each other, my arms crossed and eyes down.

"Isabella," he whispers.

…

"Isabella."

…

Suddenly his hands are cupping my face and forcing it upwards, to his disarming eyes and face, so _freaking_ close to mine.

_The fuck?_

"Isabella, please listen to me."

"_Why_."

"Because we're about to do a scene together that could potentially—no, is _going to_ change the rest of your career…"

I can't speak.

He's so close. His warm breathing is fanning over my face. His hands gentle with me.

"I—"

"You and I both know we can't talk about what happened right now, but, what we can do is _connect_ with each other, and blow them the fuck away…"

"Edward…"

"Feel me Isabella. React to me. That's all you need to do… You know this girl. Dammit, you fucking _are_ this girl."

I've never been closer to tears than in this moment. "_Yes_."

He's so _righ_t.

This is our scene, and this is what we're here to give them.

...

…

_I feel myself pushing the shit away_

His head leans in closer, his eyes closer, his breath closer, his lips _closer_. "My name is Daniel."

I know what to do. "My name is Rae."

"We're _so_, in _love_ with each other."

"We are _so very_ in _love_ with each other."

He removes one hand, retrieves the plate from my neck and kisses it in his fist. Offering it to me, I do the same in my fist.

…

"Okay… You've just come out from the club, incensed, and a little drunk. I've just run out after you, confused as fuck, relieved and frustrated… Take yourself to that place of anger, and I'll see you there in a minute… And here's the fake," he says, slipping a plastic card into my back pocket.

I nod, and begin to do as he says; it's not taking much, I just have to think about the dialogue and the scene before this moment…

_Fucking shit._

I'm there.

I'm here.

I'm Rae.

Edward says something to Mark about beginning, and I make my way to stage, sitting down, curling my arms around my knees and resting my head

…

_We're here._

We're Rae and Daniel.

…

…

Action.

* * *

**A/N: PLEASE trust me as a writer my darling readers; things are not just all skippy and right with them because he's acting like this!**

**Shit still has to go down.**

**Anywho, who's ready for the scene?**

***winks***

**SO MUCH LOVE to all of you who review, who read, who favorite, who put B-roll on alert, etc.**

**Come find me on the tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	32. No Words

**I know this is later than usually, sorry sorry sorry!**

**Also, I wont be posting tomorrow, as tis' Halloween :)**

* * *

"Okay…..and _action_," someone calls.

God I feel like shit.

I hear him bounding up the steps and suddenly he's near me. "Jesus fuck, Rae! What the hell is wrong with you?"

I look up to see Edward standing above me, his tone laced with relief and frustration. He crouches down to my eye level, placing his hands on the ground next to my legs. I have look away from him…his face is… Jesus _fuck_. I should slap him right now.

"Just leave me alone, Daniel. Go back inside to Giselle. You were having such a good time with them…I can't bear to see your night ruined because of me."

"You're insane, you know that?" he says with disbelief. _Oh _I'm _insane?_ "Rae, she means nothing to me. Those girls are just old friends…why are you being like this?" he asks, practically begging for an explanation… What kills me is that he really has no idea…he doesn't even know what his actions, or the fact that he's allowed _her_ to touch him has done to me.

_Asshole._

I stand up. "I understand that she's 18 and she can hug and kiss you but, really…do you have to have to rub my face in it? Do you have any idea how shitty that made me feel to see those girls all over you…especially Giselle, a girl who you fucked…and then when I went to touch your hand, you pulled away? Do you have any idea how that made me feel?" Tears are beginning to seep out of my eyes; my fist swipes away at what I'm sure is a black stained tear.

"Christ, Rae, no… I didn't. I'm sorry. I pulled away not because I didn't want you to hold my hand… because I don't want to go to jail, okay? God…" he paces a foot away from me, gripping his forehead in his hand. "The reason…" Edward lowers his voice to a smidge above a whisper and turns to face me. "The reason I stopped touching you these last few weeks, is because when I got your ID from my buddy in Chicago, he told me one of the guys who had a sentence similar to mine was forced to serve house arrest for two fucking years, just for kissing his girl- and the girl… she had to do like 50 fucking hours of community service for willingly allowing it. Is that what you want?"

_Yeah, I'm DYING for that!_

"Yes, Daniel…that's what I want," I snap, my tone dripping with sarcasm. "I would love for all of that to happen. I would love for you to go to jail for kissing me." I roll my eyes, stepping closer to him. _He's such a fucking moron sometimes! _Edward towers over me. "It's not the point." My tears have yet to cease.

"What the fuck is the point then?" His eyes intense, probing.

I huff, sniffing. "The point is that she was all over you and you didn't stop it. You didn't for one second stop to think about _my_ fucking feelings while her fingers were massaging the back of your head, or her hand was squeezing your arm… and you didn't even flinch away from her once. You're always flinching away from me, D…always."

Suddenly his eyes are blazing, and his looks…furious with me.

"Well fuck…I'm sorry if I was being a little inconsiderate of your feelings, Rae, but did you ever think that for ten fucking minutes inside that club, I was able to feel like a normal guy without having to flinch or push anyone away? They are over eighteen, legally…I don't have to stay away from them."

_Really? Fucking Really?_

I can't stop my jaw from clenching. "Is that what you need to feel normal? Sluts hanging all over you?" I spit out. Digging into my back pocket, I whip out the fake license and flick it at his head. He blinks and ducks before it hits him.

"This says I'm fucking twenty one, Daniel. But it didn't seem to make a fucking difference to you tonight, did it?" I can see motherfucking _red_ right now. He bends down, stuffing the ID into his back pocket with an agitated huff. I shake my head at him, seething as I walk away to the left.

He follows. "You know it doesn't work like that, Rae." It sounds like he's gritting his teeth.

Spinning around, I stop short in my tracks and hiss, "So maybe this doesn't work…" I pass my hand between our bodies. "Maybe _we_ don't work. Maybe it's time that you get yourself an older girlfriend that you can touch and fuck and kiss in public whenever you want to. I'm sure Giselle would be happy to fill that position and she definitely she looks like she's pretty experienced with positions…Because it seems as though I do nothing but drag you down and hinder...your…your free spirit." I flail my hand in the air imitating a flying bird, because at the time it seems fucking appropriate.

GodDAMMIT!

He makes a face, displaying that he's completely at wits end with me. _Well fuck you too._ "Just stop it. You know I don't think of you that way. I love you and…"

I roll my eyes at those words, scowling at him. "You love me? Really? That's such bullshit, because it certainly didn't seem that way tonight, Daniel. How would you like it if I went and—" Before I can get out the rest of my rant, Edward's hands are on either side of my face, turning my body and pushing me back into the platform wall with the force of his body.

…

…

I can't _breathe_.

I feel him pressing against me, his solid weight and the warmth seeping through his shirt, the smell of _him_ drowning me.

His thumbs splay against my jaw, and his mouth crashes into mine, nipping and biting roughly at my lips. Even though I _know_ this is what happens, it's just—it's so—I feel like I can't even react. My body's vibrating with the shock, surprise, anger, fear of being caught, and _lust_.

_Ohmygod_.

More.

Our teeth are clanking together nosily as Edward devours my mouth in his and I can't focus on one particular thing as I'm so utterly and fully overwhelmed by this deliciously hot contact. I feel adrenaline and _want_ charging every cell of my skin…and his tongue…warm and wet in my mouth, dancing with mine.

All I can hear is the pounding of my heartbeat my head, accompanied our labored breathing and the sounds of panting and wet sloppy smacking noises…then the feel of his erection against my stomach, rubbing, grinding, and then his fingers wrapping around my knee, his grunt as he hitches my leg up to his hip as he rubbed his cock into my pussy with force creating this gorgeous friction that I didn't even think existed. I moaning and gasping at the same time, my fingers tangling in his hair and on his face and then under his shirt trailing up the silky skin of his bare back and across the planes of his rock abs… just a little lower and I can touch _him._

"Is this what you want?" he asks through angry gritted teeth, panting the words as his mouth moves to my neck, kissing and sucking and biting me there, and it hurts some but it feels so fucking good. I whispers, "Yes," and he moans against my lips the vibrations making me even wetter.

_Sogoodsogoodsogood._

"I want you so fucking bad, so, fucking, bad," Edward says against my lips in a pained voice, almost angrily, a carnal hunger and ferocity laced in.

Abruptly his fingers, his long perfect fingers are under my shirt and slipping inside the fabric of my bra, his thumb fanning and stroking against my taut nipple; I can't stop the arching of my back into him, smacking my head on the wall behind me. "Oh God, Ed—Daniel, I want you too…"

_Please don't ever stop._

Edward buries his face in my neck, teeth pinching skin and wet and heat all over, and men it suits and… and… oh god wait!

"Daniel, stop…stop…we can't do this here…" I beg, my heart pricking as I'm pushing him off me. _We're at a public club._

He staggers back a foot or so, wiping the moisture away from his mouth with the back of his hand, and glares at me. His chest is heaving, and a vein in his neck is throbbing with his quickened pulse.

_Jesus._

"Do you want to know how much I fucking love you? I'd go to jail for you, Rae. That's how much." _He's so angry with me…so so angry._

Tears threaten to spill out, but refuse to let them. I'm standing, shaking with excitement and—and lust, as the clear memory of his warm fingertips trailing over my skin and his mouth on my neck assault my mind... I take a few deep breaths—they're not helping much.

And then it hits me: Daniel would risk going to jail for me, to give me a simple kiss…

These motherfucking tears—I can't stop them.

"No…no, I don't want that…" I whisper. I bend down and place my hands on my knees for support.

He doesn't answer me. All I hear is our heavy breathing.

…

"Rae—"

"Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful!" Mark interrupts. Suddenly, the room is filled with applause, and all I can do is look up at Edward; he's leaning against the back wall, one hand buried in his hair, eyes up to the ceiling.

Without warning his eyes shoot to meet mine; they no doubt mirror mine. _What the __**fuck**__, just happened?_

He motions forward with a jerk of his head. Uh what? He repeats the action.

… Oh!

I turn my head to the front where apparently Mark has been calling my name for the last 57 years.

He laughs boisterously when I finally meet his gaze. "Isabella, sweetheart, will you please do us the honor of becoming our beloved Rae?"

…

…

…

…

…

…

Oh.

* * *

**A/N: I have to give credit where credit is due: the lovely EdwardsBloodType is responsible for this scene, I just adapted it for this fic (and received her permission to do so) ;)**

**You can find her story "High Anxiety" on her profile: EdwardsBloodType**

**Thank you so much for love yesterday!**

**SEE YOU IN 2 DAYS!**

**And be safe...**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	33. Dance Like a 5 Year Old

***waves to new reviewers* Hi girls! Welcome to the fun!**

* * *

"Isabella?" Mark repeats. I'm sure he thinks I'm retarded by now.

I shake my head a few times; does this room seem blurry to anyone else? It's not just me right? No, it's just blurry and really hot, and stuff. "I'm sorry Mark, um, can you repeat that?"

Soft chuckles can be heard around the large space. "We were hoping that you'd take on Rae."

"Rae?"

He laughs again. "Yes sweetheart, Rae. Will you do it?"

…

My mind is blank. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah…"

He smiles broadly. "Well that's great to hear." A moment of silence takes a hold, until the room suddenly erupts with chatter; everyone seems to be taking out their phones, calling, texting, opening up laptops, barking orders to assistants, and then Mark's ushering me off the stage. I nod dumbly and hop off. Mark takes my hand and walks me over to the producer's table, where they each congratulate me.

"That was lovely Isabella."

"Your chemistry with Edward is absolutely electric!"

"Where have you been hiding all this time!"

I thank them and turn to Mark, wanting to ask him a question that's been bothering me since I received the call from Charlotte. "I—I'm sorry to ask this, but um, how—how did you even know about me? There's no way my agent could have submitted me—"

"Isabella sweetie, we saw the tape of you and Edward, reading the hayride scene," he answers me, like this is the most well known fact in the history of _ever_.

…

…

…

…

_Oh._

….

…

Oh.

…

…

Oh God.

I nod.

"And it's my understanding that you've been working as Alistair's PA on set for the past few weeks, yes?"

I nod again.

Marks chuckles loudly. "Too funny, too funny." I smile back. _My brain is mush_. "So, then next couple of weeks are gunna be busy ones for you!"

"Ha ha, yeah…"

He whips out his iPhone. "So lemme just give you a rundown…. Okay, yes, so in the next couples of days you should receive a call from _William Morris_—I'll send them a referral within the next hour—, and they'll work with you to find a publicist, manager and stylist within a the next week—assuming you don't have those?" Mark says, looking up from his cell.

_Um… No._ I shake my head.

"Great, less work for you… Oh and you'll want to send an exit letter to your current agency as soon as possible…."

_Ajgkngjoepnnjderu—_

"And as for filming, David wants to get started as soon as possible, and since you were present for most of the rehearsals we were thinking to start in about a week, week and a half?"

Somehow, I fucking nod.

"Good good good… And don't worry about wardrobe or H&M, we have you scheduled for fittings this weekend, and your trailer will be brought in by the time filming starts, and Edward told us you have the script memorized, yes?"

Too. Much. _Too. Much_. "Yes…"

"Perfect. Oh! And we wanted to send out a press release on Monday, so obviously, you'll be under a gag order until then," he says with a smile and eye role.

"Sure thing…"

"Ha ha, again, don't worry, I'll send this all to you."

"Do you need my contact information…?"

"No sweetheart, we already have your info from payroll. Plus, your _Endeavour_ agent will also send you this information."

Oh. Right. How could I have forgotten. _Silly me_.

"Okay sweetie, well, beautiful job today!"

_Smile Bella_, _that's what normal functioning people do_.

Mark and the other producers all stand up and begin to collect their belongings. "We'll see you Isabella—just focus on the script and preparing for your role."

"Okay…" Suddenly, I can feel myself snapping out of this haze. "_Thank you_, Mark. Thank you to all of you. So much. Really, I can't possible thank you enough—"

"That's alright," he chortles. Waving, he says, "Bye now!" Smiling, I reciprocate.

Turning to my right, I notice David and Alistair are still here, huddling and speaking in hushed tones.

…

…

"Um, Alistair?"

He turns his body to face mine, now in front of the two brilliant men; his face is gentle, showing nothing really. "What can I do for you Bella."

_And then he goes and has to be nice, dammit_. "Alistair, I'm… I'm so, _so sorry_ for what I pulled last weekend."

A hint of a smile quirks the sides of his mouth. "Go on…"

"I know that it was incredibly unprofessionally, I _promise_ you that nothing like that will happen again."

"Do mind my asking _why_ it happened Bella?"

_Yes I do_. Instead, I sigh deeply. "Alistair I—I want to tell you, but please believe me when I say that I physically _can't_ right now, and to be honest, I wouldn't want to put you in a compromising position."

He gives me an incredulous look. "What—"

"Al why don't you leave Bella the fuck alone," David chimes in. The two turn and share a chuckle.

"Thank you for that Bella. I appreciate it." _Aw, there's my boss_.

"Cool." I can't help but grin back at him.

"So Miss Bella," David calls for my attention. "You've been hiding from me."

…

…

Erm, okay? I mean, yes? I mean—_what?_

"I… have?"

"Yes. You have."

I look back and forth between the two… Are we serious?

"You're incredibly talented Bella," the crazy-ass director finally says, letting a grin creep up.

My heart does this weird thing inside my chest. "Thank you David."

…

…

You know if I wasn't already used to the guy, I would most likely be freaked the fuck out by the stare he's bestowing upon me right now; the intensity it portrays, probing, like he's judging me, yet it's a gentle one? A gentle judge. Or something. He's attempting to unlock my inner most secrets with a stare.

…

_Yeah_. M'kay then.

"You should have been hired, " he mutters, solemn. With that he informs Alistair that they'll speak later, and waves goodbye to me.

Okay my brain can't handle much more of this enigmatic shit.

"Oh _David_," my boss chuckles. He turns to me. "I'll see you soon kid." He grabs his laptop bag and phone, walking away before I can even respond.

Cue headshake. "Okay then," I murmur to myself. Looking up and around; everyone's left aside from the red head receptionist.

…

…

…

_Imma go now_.

Slipping out as quietly as possible, I close the door behind me and… and just, let out the largest motherfucking breath, of all breaths.

…

…

…

…

…

My mind is clearing. Someone's turned off the fog machine and waving away the haze.

...

...

_Let yourself feel __**this**__ Bella._

...

Do you..._know_, what it feels like to know that all your dreams are about to come true? That everything you've ever dreamed about and wanted is within your reach, and that you're _going_ to grab it? That it's already started to happen?

I do.

… It feels sort of like… shear and utter joy, times infinity. It's like Christmas morning as a kid, explosive orgasms, falling in love for the first time, marrying that love, and holding your first born for the first time, _all wrapped up into one_.

It's because of this feeling that I can't not do what I'm about to do now.

I laugh loudly, and I'm giggling a buffoon, and waving my arms up in the air, and shaking my body, and dancing like a five year old, and fist pumping the air, and laughing so freakin' loudly some more, and chanting, 'I got this, I got this, I got this,' to the tune of whatever the fuck I just made up, and—

"Isabella, what are you doing?"

* * *

**A/N: I'm glad you all loved the HA scene!**

**Things are about to start happening for Bella :)**

**Assuming that Bella and Edward hash their shit it, how do you think it'll go?**

**What are you most anticipating or excited for in 'B-roll'?**

**Lemme know my loves!**

**Hope you all had a fun Halloween ;)**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	34. Phffff, I Never Cry

**Onward!**

* * *

I gasp and halt my movements immediately, jerking my body around to face the voice I've memorized since I first heard it in a dark hotel lobby.

I feel like a child who's just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

_What the fuck, man_.

Edward's leaning on a wall, arms crossed over each other, his face curious.

"Um, nothing."

A smirk tugs at the one end of his lips. "That's not what _nothing_ looks like."

…

…

...

...

What the fuck is this.

"Well who asked you," I fire back.

"No one." The grin's all but gone.

And this is bullshit.

"Okay then," I mutter to myself, grabbing my bag from where I flung it on a chair, and heading for the elevator.

"Isabella wait," he calls out.

I spin around, abruptly, probably looking like a lunatic. "Edward we're not having this conversation here," my tone rising slowly.

"What conversation is that?"

"Don't you fuck with me!" I yell. _Okay, calm your shit, and take it down a notch dude..._... _deep breath..._"As I said before, we're not discussing this right now."

"Isabella I _need—_"

"Right now I don't care what you need." I don't sound malicious, just, I don't know, _something_.

He takes three long strides towards me, much closer than before. "I—", he starts, "We need—"… "We need to talk," he settles with, his voice low. I've never seen him look so… _unsure_, of himself...Edward doesn't look like Edward.

I tear my eyes from his. "Um, uh..."

"We can… discuss whenever you'd like, just as long as we do."

…

…

…

…

…

I nod. "I'll see you on set."

When I'm finally outside the building I notice the driver from earlier is waiting. Approaching him, he tells me that I'm to be taken home. I agree quickly.

…

...

...

...

_Hold it together._

_Hold it together._

_Hold it together._

_..._

_..._

A bit later, I'm thanking the phlegmatic driver and sliding out of the butter seats. He tells me that the under the studios instructions, he's to pick me up this weekend for my fitting, and everyday during filming

…Oh…

Hurrying around to the back of the apartment to where we park our cars, I notice only Rosalie's car is here.

Good.

I slide my body down along the brick wall and sit on the side; the sky's getting darker, and it looks like it's going to rain in a few hours.

It never rains in LA.

...

…

_You can let go now_.

So I do.

Letting out a huge sob that probably sounds more like a scream, I cry. I blubber, I let the tears stream continuously. My hands are buried in my downfallen hair, nails digging into my scalp.

I'm crying for what just happened with Edward.

I'm crying for what happened a few days ago.

I'm crying and laugh and look up to the heavens, feeling so much joy for Rae.

I'm crying for my incredible luck.

I'm crying because he's tainting it.

I'm crying because he's so important.

I'm crying because I'm so exciting for what's to come.

I'm crying in anticipation for my call from William Morris.

I'm crying in delight for my costume fitting this weekend.

I'm crying because I'll be able to pay my dad back.

I'm crying because Edward wants to talk.

I'm crying because I don't want to hear him tell what I _know_ he'll tell me.

I'm crying because everything in my life is about to fall into place.

I'm crying because I miss him.

I'm crying because he hurt me.

…

…

I'm crying because I'm gloriously happy.

I'm crying because he's made me miserable.

…

…

…

The sky's so darkly purple it almost looks black. I have to go inside. Thankfully my tears have begun to dry…

I need to tell Jasper.

I should tell Rosalie.

Taking out my phone, I use the screen as a mirror. "Well don't _you_ looking bea-u-ti-ful," I mutter for myself. The Kleenex I've brought out from my purse does the best job it can. I still look like shit.

Whatever. I don't feel like caring.

Using two hands to lift myself up, I turn to the open archway and clomp up the 13 steps to the backdoor.

I should tell Rosalie.

* * *

**A/N: This poor girl. I just wanna give her a hug.**

**Whatchu think of Bella not-really conversation with Edward?**

**Let me know it a review darlings!**

**Lots of love & personal drivers for you all!**

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	35. Is Calling

**Trust ladies, TRUST.**

* * *

Rosalie's left her door wide open, and is sitting cross legged on her bed, scrolling through _ImageBam_ photos of herself and a burly guy at a red carpet event.

"Hey Rosalie, do you have a second?"

"I just a tad busy here."

"Rosalie, can I please talk to you."

"I didn't realize you were speaking to me now."

_Wwwwhhhhhhyyyyy_. "Rosalie…...I'm sorry for how I acted. You didn't deserve it, especially because of everything you do for me." Oh _now_ she looks up.

"Why the fuck were you bitching anyways—were you on your period?" she asks, half serious, half sardonic.

"Actually yeah. You wouldn't even believe how bad the cramps were."

"I hope you know that's not a good enough reason."

"I _know_, but, it's the only one I've got. I am sorry Rosalie."

Taking a minute, she snorts, but allows me a small smile. "Fine. Take a fucking Midol next time though."

I nod. "I will."

"So is that it?"

"Is what it?"

"That's what you wanted to talk about, right?"

_Fuck my face_. "Um no, actually."

"Oh. Okay what then."

"Uh did you—did you hear about the new project that David Fincher's, directing?"

"Yeah I did. Apparently a lot of the details are _top secret_ or some bullshit like that, but I know Edward Cullen's staring. Oh and they were sending out breakdowns for some role a few days ago. But yeah, why."

"Ha ha, um, yeah, I um, I won't—I mean I, I won't be needing your car anymore." _Smile Bella._

"Are you just taking the bus then? That's disgusting, but whatever, if that's what you want…"

_Mental-fucking-face palm_. "No I'm not taking the bus, I just don't need your car. I have a driver."

This gets her attention. "Why?"

"The studio sent one…"

"The _studio_?"

"Yeah…"

"What the fuck Bella! Explain."

"I book a job…"

"You _booked a job_?"

"Yes Rosalie, I booked a job on a film set."

… It doesn't seem like she knows what to do with this bit of information. "Well what is it for?"

"A film."

"What film Bella."

Her eyes are all wide and attentive, and it hits me: why the hell am I shying away from this?

I'm fucking awesome.

"I booked the co-staring role on the new Fincher film, ya know the one with Edward Cullen." Yes yes, I'm breeching the gag order, but, come on, I can't just _not say it_.

"Oh don't fuck with me, what did you book."

"Rosalie I'm not screwing with you."

"I don't appreciate this Bella."

"I'm not _lying_ to you!"

"That doesn't make any sense! Why would they hire you! How would they have even seen you! The breakdown's only been out for a few days and you've been here, _home_! And plus, the damn thing said they only wanted A-listers!"

Oh fuck me sideways with a metal rod. "The set Rosalie—the set I've been working on the past few weeks!"

…

…

Annnnnnnd she's back. "What does that have to do with anything."

"The set I was working on was the Fincher picture… I went in for a chemistry read today, and I booked the role."

…

…

…

Ermmm… Is it normal to freeze your body for more than 20 seconds?

Wait no! "Holy shit! Bella, that's awesome!" she says, wearing a huge grin, pulling me into a hug.

_Well hi there_. "Uh, yeah, I'm really excited." I hug her back. She's my friend, and she's happy for me.

Pulling back, she laughs. "This is really really awesome, really it is. Congrats!"

"Thank you Rose," I smile.

"We should do something this weekend to celebrate!"

Ummmmmm. "I actually have wardrobe and some other stuff going on this weekend."

"That's totally cool, I get it. I'll just hang out with Emmett."

"Emmett?"

"The fuck-hot guy I went home with at the W."

"The burly one?"

"Yeah."

"Oh okay. Cool."

"Umhum," she grins and turns around, then suddenly swings back to hug me again. "Congrats again Bella. This is gunna _so great_." She lets go and walks back to her room and smiles before shutting her door.

I walk over to the futon and power up the laptop: I'm after IMDb Pro.

**Search:** William Morris Endeavor

It's the first result… _main office number… main office number… main office number_… here you are! 323-989-6702.

My cell rings.

I look between the number and the one on my laptop screen three times.

I can't stop the GINOURMOUS grin on my mouth; my damn face is about to break!

323-989-6702 _is calling…_

323-989-6702 _is calling…_

323-989-6702 _is calling…_

* * *

**A/N: I loved living in this apartment, but my roommate was a fucking psycho :)**

**What did you think of Rosalie's response?**

**I'm curious...**

**Alrighty, I'm off to a Halloween party!**

**THANK YOU for the love, and I KNOW some of you are frustrated with Edward, but, we're getting there.**

**Muchass Grassy-ass, and love for you all!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre **


	36. I Like How It Feels

**WE'RE PAST THE 100 REVIEW MARK! I love you all with an inappropriate passion.**

* * *

Apparently, the ever impassive driver's name is Amun. When I asked, he told me that he's from Egypt. Then he told me that we were going to be late.

_I'll break him down eventually._

This Saturday morning, I _also_ learned that the studio lot has a secret back entrance.

_Who knew right_?

After Amun drops me off, I head over to the wardrobe department; I'm such a damn good mood that even the idea of dealing with fucking crazy Alice can't bring meh down!

Lacking a golf cart, it takes me a little less than 10 minutes to get to 'the closet' door; _sa'll good, got my jazzy tunes a playin' on the pod._ Pressing pause on Mr. Iglesias, I pull on the door to my left and stroll in, only to be met by the same ass song I was just listening to.

_Cause I like how it feels!_

_Ooh yeah, I like how it feels!_

"You know I like how it feels!" I belt out, laughing. The music is loud as hell!

Now where the fuck is the cray cray bitch.

"Do not ever use the words _cray cray_ Bella," I chastise my over-zealous inner self. "Where are you, you crazy bitch!"

"I am not a bitch Bella!"

_Oops… Who the fuck can hear in here anyways!_

"What are you talking about Alice! I didn't call you a bitch!" I yell up at her.

She rolls her eyes and takes out a little remote from her back pocket, turning the ihome volume down. "That's what they all say."

"Who is _they_! There is no other _they_!"

Bitch laughs. "Whatever." She switches the song to something _Bruno Mars_.

"Whatcha doin' up there?"

"Looking for this shirt for Rae, _if you must know_," La Midget responds, climbing down from the oh so tall ladder on wheels.

"Oh that's really cute."

"I know, you should see the other stuff I've pulled and had purchased for her. I have a bunch of things I want to make from scratch as well. Oh! And because Rae's mom owns a boutique—which ya know is where she gets a lot of her clothing from—most of the stuff you'll be wearing is designer."

"Ooooooo! Lemme see lemme see!"

"Somebody's in a good mood today," she chortles.

"Hells yes I am."

"Any particular reason?"

"Just a lot of really awesome stuff that's happened over the past couple of days," I grin.

"You smug bitch, I am not going to pull information from you! Tell me about it while I measure you." Snapping her fingers, she points to the spot in front of her. "Here bitch."

"You're a twat Alice," I laugh. This one's good to be around sometimes.

"Oh I'll punch you _in_ the twat, now come."

I do as she asks and raise my arms straight out. "Anyways, so a bunch of stuff has just been… happening, ya know? I spoke with my new Endeavor agent, Kim, after the chemistry read, and met with her the next day. And during our meeting I signed the contracts she'd sent me, we went over managers, publicists, legal reps, stylists, and I chose one of each except a stylist, and then we went over the film contract and I found out how much I'm being _paid_ goddammit, and then she's asking me what kinds of amenities I'd like my damn _trailer_ to have, and whether or not I should ask for a PA on set, and all this other awesome shit, and then before I left she gave me this huge-ass binder of stuff I need for the shoot. And when I got home and went through it all, I found out we're going on location to shoot in Vancouver—where I've always wanted to visit—, and I got a copy of the press release—she is being sent out fucking _everywhere_ might I add—, and it's all just _BAH_! I never felt so happy in my entire life Alice!" I giggle hysterically. "I'm meeting with the prospective 'team' tomorrow, and it's just like this constant state of happiness for me, and I love it! I love feeling this way. Almost everything in my life feels perfect." Almost.

Bitch rolls her eyes playfully. "No Bella, I'd think you'd detest feeling shear and utter happiness."

"STFU."

"No I'm happy for you. You have to know that; I mean Kate was an absolute cuntessa."

"Um_hum_. Some of the BS she'd ask me to do for her was completely, absurd. I can't tell you how many times Al would have to remind her that I _was not her assistant to boss around_."

"Ha ha, too funny."

"Yes, to _you_."

"Can you spread your legs a bit please."

"Yessum."

"Hahahah!"

"Is there a reason as to why you're laughing?"

"You said _Yessum_! Hehhehehe," she giggles. "You're funny Bella. You should show this side of yourself more often."

_Sigh_. "I know. I'm just socially awkward when it comes to 'important people'," I use my fingers to make quotations.

"Stop moving dammit!"

"Sorry sorry."

"Okay you can close your legs, I'm gunna do your arms now," she informs me, rising up to full height—which is not much—. I let my hands rest at my sides.

Alice isn't talking as she measures my hands and fingers. I hum along to the next _Mars_ song that plays.

"Bella… what happened with Edward?"

I cease my humming immediately. "Umm, what are you talking about?"

"I know what happened."

* * *

**A/N: WHHHHAAATTTT?**

**What do you think Alice knows?**

**Get ready for a bit of insight into Edward's mind tomorrow; no, it is not an POV change.**

**THANK YOU for reading and reviewing!**

**Lots of love.**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	37. I Need to Clean My Shoes

**I'm glad many of you are enjoying Alice & Bella's relationship. See you at the bottom!**

* * *

Every drop of blood drains immediately from my face.

Utter embarrassment washes over me, like nothing I've ever—

"I mean I don't _technically_ know what happened… Actually I have no fucking idea what happened at all, but yeah, I know _something_ happened, missy."

_Ohjesusfuckthankyouinheavenw ithyourmanger_.

"You know _something_ happened? What does that even mean?" I cough, ta ya know, clear _that_ whole ordeal out of my body.

"It means I talked with Edward."

I give her the incredulous eyebrow. "You _talked_ with Edward."

"Don't act like a bitch Bella. _Yes_ I talked with Edward. He's a good buddy of mine."

Oh yeah, don't think the brow goes away. "How am I not aware of this."

"It's not like it was relevant to bring up! And you don't really talk about him around me!"

"I was trying to be professional Alice, ya know, not gossip at work."

She rolls her eyes. "Okay fine, we've established that yes, Edward is a friend of mine, and yes, I've chatted with him."

"What did you supposedly 'chat' with him about."

She's glaring…no wait, now she's cocking her head to the side and giving me sympathetic eyes…...Um…."Just so you know, it was _I_ who had to pull info from him; it's not as if he came to me and said 'something happened with Bella'."

"What the hell Alice!"

"Okay listen to me! Don't give me that look! There, now you look pretty again. _Sorry sorry_! Okay… when you left the set last weekend, Alistair didn't really know what to do with himself, so things were kinda cray cray here for a bit. Basically, there ended up being a bunch of downtime while they tried to get everything sorted out, and Edward had to stop here for another fitting anyway…."

Um… _why are you stopping_? "_What_ Alice?"

"He was just…I don't know, like, he just wasn't Edward. I mean he _was_, but he wasn't, ya know?"

…

…

…

…

Yeah. I do.

I nod.

"So anyways, he's here for his fitting, and like, he wont look me in the eye, and he's quiet—which he _never_ is—, and when I make this freakin' hilarious pun he doesn't laugh, he doesn't do _anything_, and just… I mean it wasn't. him. Bella. Gone was self-assured, playful Edward. He was just…" she shivers dramatically.

…

…

…

…

"Is that all?" I chuckle weakly.

"It was just so fucked. Freaked me out. Which is why I accosted him until he told we what in the actual fuck was wrong."

My body tenses naturally, immediately. "What did he say?" I'm pretty sure I sound nonchalant and stuff.

"Ha, the only thing the dick would tell me was that something had happened with you."

I bob my head, waiting for her to continue…. "And?"

"And nothing."

"_That's it_?"

She nods ardently. "Yep. I mean aside from the 'I not fucking talking about it Alice', and 'Alice I need to just figure this shit out on my own, so fuck off', and blah-de-blah."

I'm just, like...fuckin' gob smacked. Hence why I can only _think_ _this_.

…

…

"Bella."

"Hm."

"What happened?"

"Hmm. Mmmummm."

"Speak bitch."

"Hmm—nothing. Nothing happened."

"I can't even believe you're _attempting_, to pull this shit! _I KNOW SOMETHING HAPPENED!_"

Po crazy bitch.

A long look takes my face. "Alice," I breathe out. "I know you're going to want to cut off my puss when I say this, but I can't...talk, about this… Yeah…. Yes. Something happened, but, please, _I can't_."

"Have you even spoken to Edward about it?" she asks, surprisingly gentle.

I shake my head, eyes down on my all black ked-style shoes. I should clean these later today. I think Rose has some special shoe cleaning shit in her room I could—

"Ah, I get it now," she murmurs.

"You get what."

"Don't worry about it. Now try on these shoes, and tell me which ones fit the best, m'kay?"

"Yessum."

* * *

**A/N: So uhh, whatja think about the lil' Edward summin' summin'?**

**Anywho, I'm off to a berfday dinner (s'not today lady loves)-leaves me some love for when I return?**

**Thank you for reading and even reviewing!**

**Lots 'o love.**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	38. Can't Wait

**For those of you wondering, _no_, Alice doesn't technically 'get' what happened between Edward and Bella, but she does 'get' that there's something... special, between them. She knows to leave them both alone, and just to let them hash their shit out.**

**Cool?**

* * *

The rest of the fitting takes um, much longer than necessary, but I like hanging out with Alice; she's cool. I feel very, _light_ when I'm with her.

I digress.

I'm heading out the ridiculous double doors when the annoying high-pitched voice stops me. "BELLA!"

"_What_ Alice! I gotta go—I have shit to do."

"I almost forget to ask you if you were still looking for a stylist!"

"Uh, yeah, I am, why?" Oh Alice, why with the hand gestures and the 'duh, it's like, _so_ obvious' expression?

"Bella, _hello-ho_."

"Yeeeeeees?"

"Humph. _Fine_. Bella, would you be interested in hiring me as your stylist?"

"You're a stylist?"

"_Yes_ Bella, I am. Do you want to work with me or not."

"Uh who, whom have you dressed, or yeah, who have you dressed?"

This midget loves her eye rolls, let me tell you. "Don't act like I'm not good enough miss thundercunt. I've styled a lot of actors, trust me."

I think I'll just play with her a bit longer. "Sorry Alice, I don't want some no-name dressing me… Who knows what you'll force me into to…"

"Do you enjoy having a vagina?"

"Very much so, yes."

"Would you like to keep yours?"

"Yes?"

"Then cut the bullshit and listen to me!"

I can't stop the fit of giggles. "Sorry sorry sorry, please go on!"

Alice waits until I cease the laughing. "I've dressed plenty of people."

"Like?"

"I do Kristen Stewarts dresses for the MET gala, Anne Hathaway and Natalie Portman's gowns for award season, Charlize Theron's dresses for her film premiers, Rob Pattinson's suits usually, Joseph Gordon Levitt's suits during award season as well, and ya know, _others_."

…

…

"_Oh_."

"Yeah, oh."

"So, um, yawannabemystylistplease?"

"Sorry what was that?"

"Bemystylist."

"What now?"

"Will you please be my stylist Alice!"

The grin on her lips grows until it's swallowing her damn face. "Well since you _asked_, why not."

Because this is _Alice_, I push a little further. "Full time, maybe?"

"Full time?"

"Well… yeah. Yes."

She looks at me, this weird expression in her pretty eyes. "Sounds like a plan."

_Yeah?_ "Yeah?"

"Yes."

My smile matches hers now. "So what, I'll have my, my agent contact your representation?"

Chicketta nods. "I'll let them know Kim'll be giving them a ring… I hope you know that I'll work with you."

"You just said you would—"

"No I mean we'll work together in picking out your wardrobe; I want you to like what you're wearing Bumble."

"How do you even know about—" her ardent head shaking cuts me off.

"Just—I just wanted you to be aware of that buuuuut—" she checks her phone, "I have someone I need to meet, so, get the fuck out."

Laughing, I respond with, "I'll talk to you later."

"Byyyyyyeeee!"

…..

Back on my fu-bed, I'm eating my wheat square crackers and making notes in my script. I'm also reading Kim's e-mail about the couple of small interviews she's lined up once the press release hits on Monday.

…_**I won't be setting these kinds of things up once the contracts with your publicist are in order, but until then, I'm your PR rep **__**.**_

_**We're not really sure how the news of your casting will go over, but we're all hoping for the angle of 'unknown takes big Hollywood movie production by storm', and so on, which is why I've set up the two interviews. They're both phone interviews for magazines, nothing too big or anything you need to freak out about. Just note that the studio has asked that you not to speak about the incident with Kate, anything negative that went on during set time, or off. Essentially, just stay positive and be yourself.**_

_**I also wanted to let you know—**_

Finishing the rest of the e-mail, I respond quickly with the news about Alice; the very thought makes me smile like a moron.

The crazy bitch.

"Oh yay!" My favorite fanfic just updated! The UST in this one is so freakin'—

_Ba-ding_!

I have a text.

Grabbing the device from the floor, I turn it over to slide.

.

.

.

.

.

**Edward:** I can't wait anymore. We need to talk. Now.

* * *

**A/N: I KNOW that Alice being her stylist isn't very creative, but I feel that Bella needs her to be more present in her life. And stuff.**

**Remember, TRUST.**

**No chapter tomorrow, iz ma b-day.**

**THANK YOU sincerely for reading and reviewing.**

**Lots of love.**


	39. A Dimly Lit Bedroom

**Thank you for all the birthday wishes! I'll see you at the bottom**

* * *

I don't hesitate to fire back at him, although typing it a bitch when you're hands shake so much.

**Me**: What happened to 'waiting until I'm ready'.

**Edward**: ...You're right, I did say that.

**Me**: Yes, you did.

**Edward**: I can't wait any longer.

Before I can respond, another little grey bubble pops up.

**Edward**: Shit, I'm not trying to be a dick. But I mean c'mon Isabella, we need to do this.

**Me**: What does that mean?

**Edward**: It means I need to explain.

**Me**: What do you need to explain.

It's taking him a few minutes to respond to that one…

**Edward**: A lot of things.

_What the fuck am I supposed to say next!_

**Edward**: Meet me at my trailer in an hour, please.

Tears well.

**Me**: No not your trailer.

Another lull.

**Edward**: Sound stage 2 is open today, but they're not filming. We could meet there.

My hands ache from my conscious strain to still them.

"Shit," I whisper.

**Me**: An hour?

**Edward**: An hour.

…

…

**Me**: An hour.

**Edward**: See you soon.

.

.

.

.

.

Jasper thankfully doesn't question me when I ask him for a ride to the studio; I don't doubt that he knows I'm not supposed to be there, and that Rose isn't using her car today. _But_ alas, I have no desire to crash a car, what with my dwindling motor functions.

Hence why Jasper's driving. And then he's not. Cuz we're here.

"Do you need me to pick you up?" he inquires with gentle eyes.

"Um, I actually don't know… I don't know how long I need to be here… Do you have something going on today?"

"I'm meeting someone later, but otherwise I'm free. You know what, if it turns out you need a ride just text me. Cool?"

"Ok thanks." He drives away with a wave out the window, and I'm left by myself. Fucking duh. Checking my phone I see I've got a little less than 10 minutes to get to the stage…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

So it takes me a little more than 15 minutes, but um…. Yeah.

I'm doing my breathing exercises, but I don't think they're working.

_What else is new_.

Finally approaching the blasted _Stage 2_ door, _he's_ nowhere in sight. And yes, I'm a little bit miffed.

I venture inside the opening, and it's kinda dim in here. "You picked _this_ place to talk?" I mutter.

….

….

Annnnnnnd we have light… Oh it's a bedroom set.

The light—or should I say lights—is coming from an overhead panel, above this bedroom; I have no idea what's shooting here, but it's all very modern looking. I think it's a man's room, with dark green walls and a soft looking grey bedspread.

…

…

…

…

_He's not here. Why the fuck not_.

Flinging myself over to the bed, I splat on the Motherfuck tempur-_pedic _mattress.

_I LOVE THIS BED!_

I roll my body side to side, loving the feel of a non-fu-bed. "Ahhh, yes. Yes yes yes," I giggle to myself.

"Having fun?" I deep voice calls out.

And just like that, the bed disappears. Just like that, my heart rate _spikes_. Just like that, my fit of giggles has finished.

My body shoots up and off. I run my fingers through the top of my hair and itch my nose. I look up.

… You know that thing where you can look at someone, or something, but not really be looking at them? You let your eyes sort of, glaze over?

That's what I'm doing right now. If I look at him, I'll sob. I'll sob and he'll just, he'll just be there. Looking at me, and winning again. So I'm glazing and sort-of-not-really looking at the basic outline of his entire face.

"Hi," he says, sounding not so smooth now.

"Hi."

Edward waits a moment. "So," he coughs, "should I start, or did you want to…"

_What_?

"Shit sorry, that was fucking…" he trails off. "I want to, I want to talk to you, Isabella."

"Isn't that why I'm here on a sound stage."

"No I mean like, I mean yes that's why you're hear, but just—okay well I sound like an absolute dick right now, so…" he runs his hand through his hair and grips.

…

…

…

Well this is odd. Like, really really peculiar.

And I've had enough.

"Edward if you want to talk, then go ahead."

He nods and releases his gorgeous hair. "You're right," mutters. "You're right," Edward speaks again, louder, to me.

…. Ah _shit_.

I focus my eyes.

I shouldn't have. But I have to.

"Let's talk," he agrees.

* * *

**A/N: They'll 'talk' next chapterzz, so don't threaten to cut off my hooha just yet.**

**I would really love to know your thoughts: how do you think it'll go down? What do you think Edward will say? How will Bella react?**

**Many of you have expressed a large amount of anticipation for this scene, so I KNOWS you've thought about it!**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing.**

**Lots of love.**


	40. Not What I Expected

**Here you go.**

* * *

So… he doesn't actually _talk_ for a minute. Or two. But maybe this is good, because I'm shaking so badly I could die, or whatever.

"Uh."

_Oh god._

"Can you just—can you please just not speak until I've finished? I'm pretty sure this'll be better—okay not _better_, because that's a fucking stupid way to put this, but can you just please not speak, until you've heard everything?"

Oh how I'll try. "I'll try, sure."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

He nods to himself, and takes a deep breath.

He looks down to the carpet.

"I um, I've never felt like I—I mean, okay, um when I first started acting I—ah fuck, no, um okay, when we met—"

"Okay Edward, I'm gunna throw you a bone here and tell you to start by telling me what the fuck happened that Sunday in your trailer." My voice is shaky and soft, although I'd like it to be all, _demanding_, and _look how confident I am_, and stuff. But it's not.

"Yeah. I'll start there…"

…

…

…

…

…

"You know I _knew_… I knew that you were going to ask me to help you out will a role. And I knew the day Kate quit, that you'd ask for a chance at Rae."

"What the fuck does that—" his finger stops me. Oops.

"I remember meeting you for the first time at the _W_, and I thought you were fucking incredible looking. And I thought you were funny, and then you mentioned that you were an actor… and everything stopped. God I sound like _such_ a damn pussy… But anyway… So I knew that you were an actor, and I _knew_—or at least I thought I knew—that _this girl's going to want something from me_. And I couldn't really blame you, because I had done the same thing when I first came to LA. With the casting directors—"

I gasp, really damn loudly. "So you lied? You actually did sleep with the casting directors?"

"Only one, but yes."

"But Edward—Edward _why_? You're so incredibly talented! Why would you need that!"

"Because sometimes talent doesn't matter Bella! Sometimes things are just shit."

…

…

…

_Rose_…

...

Yeah. I know Edward.

"Go on," I whisper.

Another deep breath. "So I knew… But I didn't really think about it too much at the time because I didn't think I'd be seeing you again, anytime soon. I didn't know you were friends with Jasper. And then I saw you on set that day, and first I thought 'fucking hell she's gorgeous,' and then it was 'so this is how she gets me—this is how she asks'…. And in that moment I told myself that I couldn't ever forget why you were here—I mean yeah, you were there because of Jasper and because you were working, but I thought that in the back of your mind you'd always be thinking about your career… And I couldn't _blame_ you, because every time, every _single fucking _time you talked about how much you loved acting—" he stops, lost on words. "You'd fuckin', _glow_. But then at the same time it was just a reminder of who you really were and what you were doing here."

"Edward—"

"Bella, _please_ just, shut the fuck up," he voice gentle, but strained.

"Fine," I mutter.

He's struggling for words; I can see it everywhere.

"We spent a lot of time together those first couple of weeks, and I got to know you. Or I thought I was getting to know you, or like a fake persona of you, or something like that I don't even _know_. It was fucked…. Anyway, I grew closer to you, and you to me… which just fucking _sucked_!" he laughs, abruptly to the ceiling. "It sucked because you were incredible! You were intelligent, and awkward, and funny, and passionate, and all this other awesome shit. Everyday I could feel myself aching to be near you, in my trailer, or on the damn set with a shit-ton of people, or something like that… And then you'd mentioned _acting_, or the other cast members, or just like the most random shit and it was like goddamn slap in the face; it was always a reminder of why you were here. And what would happen. And what you would offer. And what we'd do. And how I would have to accept." He voice has gone bitter. "It was so fucked Bella. So incredibly _fucked_, because it filled me with me with the worst shit inside, but again, _it was going to happen_."

"How many girls have you had—had um, intercourse with, and given them roles," I blurt.

_Shit shit shit_!

He winces, just barely. "A few. Not as many as you'd think."

"Why do it." Wait, am I speaking?

He shrugs. "I don't know… I couldn't really judge these girls when I had done the same thing. And I've never been able to find a, a relationship, for me. Here. In Hollywood." He murmurs something under his breath, but I can't tell what. "I just tried to enjoy the sex," he admits, bleakly.

Jesus fuck.

"You still haven't answered my question."

…

…

…

Blowing out a huge breath, he looks up, finally meeting my eyes. "That Sunday was… probably one of the worst days of my life…I knew you'd be coming, and I knew what for. And like a fucking _prick_, instead of feeling like shit—like I wanted to—I decided to get angry. Because after all, it was _you_ who wanted to get ahead, and it was _you_ who'd spent all this time with me…."

…

…

He hasn't spoken for a minute or two.

Fuck.

"You were very…. aggressive, and mean, with me… You had a condom in your pocket… you—" I choke off.

"I _know_. I know I was," he responds, taking a few strides towards me. "I don't really have a good reason. Just that I was angry with you, with the situation…. I goaded you. I wanted you to realize where this was going… I wanted to make you feel like I was feeling," he whispers, looking so damn ashamed, his eyes searing my own. "I'd never felt more used in that moment. And in the weeks prior, I'd never wanted to know someone so much; I'd never wanted to be with someone so much."

My eyes are wide, but the warm wetness I feel is the indication of my tears.

"I know Bella, I fucking _know_ that you didn't deserve that. I knew it the millisecond you left…. And I think I knew even before that. But again, I'm a huge motherfucking prick."

…

…

…

…

"Is that why you were so… aggressive with me? Flirtatiously?"

He struggles again. "Do you want me to be straight with you?"

"What the fuck do you think."

He nods quickly. "Yes… and no. It was my way of seeing how you'd react to me, _sexually_." Is it just me, or has his voice gotten deeper. "No, because… because uh…"

"_Edward_."

"No because I was naturally attracted to you…. I'm very…. _aggressive_, as you put it, when it comes to things I want. Controlling. Sexually." His verdant orbs flash. He clears his throat. "Anyway, so yes and no."

Head's back to the luscious floor.

…

…

…

…

…

"You know you don't really know me."

"What?" his head snaps up.

"I said you don't really know me."

Edward opens his mouth, closes it, looking to the side.

"When you said that 'we didn't really know each other', or 'we don't have a relationship', so something like that, I think…. I think that you were right, Edward."

"How so."

"In the back of my mind…. it kind of felt like you were always holding out, on something. And you, you made me nervous a lot, and when I get nervous I hold back. It's just a thing," I shrug.

"Why were you nervous?" he asks, his voice closer than before.

Shrug. "I get like that around all industry people."

"I'm an industry person?"

I meet his face. _Close_. "I don't know. Maybe. I feel like I still sort of see you like that…. It's like you're not real."

"Bella—"

"No please please let me finish…You're important to me Edward. _So_ important. It hurts to think about it sometimes. But even so there's this film over everything, and I feel like there's so much I don't know. Or can't see….. I wanted you to feel real." _Let it out, let it out, let it out, let it out._ "I still _do_. I just want to understand."

...

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Why did you do it. Why did you allow all those girls to sleep with you? Why were you going to do that with m—" I swallow.

"I just—"

"No, I want another answer."

.

.

.

.

.

"Because this is Los Angeles; this is Hollywood," he whispers. "This place is incredible, but it's also so ugly, what happens here. Fucking someone is like, this common notion. Nobody even blinks twice anymore." Edward chuckles bitterly. "There's a reason why most Hollywood relationships don't work out; it's not even because of _that_, it's just—there's a lot of shit. Outsiders don't know that half of it…. But it's what you gotta do if you want to act. You have to worship it." This is the first time he's smiled in a while.

Huh.

"Is that why you haven't found a relationship? You said before that you haven't been able to find…"

"No. That's not it." Eyes meet mine. They sear again.

…

…

…

…

…

_Wait_.

"You called me Bella."

Hesitating, he answers. "Yes."

I wait for an answer.

"I want to get to know you Bella."

* * *

**A/N: They're not done. This chapter was becoming very long, so I had to end it :)**

**I'm assuming you'll all have some thoughts, and I'm curious.**

**Let me know please!**

**Lots of love.**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	41. Bella Says

**So uh, you all scare me a bit, but I enjoy hearing your feedback :) In case you were wondering, Edward has not been with anyone since he met Bella, Bella and Edward will never cheat on each other, and Edward's 'number' of women is less than 5. He is not a man-whore. All of the women he slept with were 100% willing, legal, and all that jazz. They also had talent.**

**Also, I apologize for the grammatical mistakes in the last chapter; I ended up writing the thing last night and wanted to get it out to you all before it got too late. I've gone back and fixed it!**

**Now on to Bella. **

* * *

…

…

…

Whatever he just said, I haven't heard him; I'm still stuck on the other shit he's dropped.

"Bella?"

My head whips up swiftly. "What did you say?"

"I said I—"

"Wait no, just—just hold on for a second; you just unloaded…. a shit-ton of, well, shit on me, and you don't give me a chance to rebuff? Especially because most of what you just said was _so_ utterly untrue? Just—" I hold my hand up, "Just shut the fuck up and let me talk, m'kay."

He looks a bit shocked, but moves to sit on the end of the bed.

As soon as his ass hits the mattress, I'm going. "I'm just gunna start out here by saying that your perception of me was, or is, I don't even know, so fucked; I'm an actor, _yes_, but that doesn't mean that every second I was with you I was thinking about ways to get ahead! I _glow_, or whatever, when I talk about acting because, I just do! Because I love it, and it makes me happy, so sure, I'll _glow_, or whatever the hell you said. And Edward, c'mon, we were on a set, of-_fucking_-course we were bound to talk about acting! And _again_, I would _never_, _ever_, fucking _ever_, use you to get ahead! That's not the person I am! Goddamnit, I already _live_ with someone who I'm sure does shit like that, and I can't fucking stand it; even without her, I still wouldn't have done that. I asked you for Rae because I knew that I could play her. I could play her better than anyone else."

"Bella I know—"

"I'm not done Edward…. You know, the comical thing is, is that I almost didn't ask you; I didn't _want_ to ask you, because I thought you'd think we were 'friends' just for this reason… I told Jasper how important you were to me, and how I couldn't risk not knowing you. He told me you'd understand," I chuckle quietly; I'm sure I sound bitter. "I guess not," I murmur. "I just can't stress to you how fu—how, wrong you were about me… We spent two weeks getting to know each other: how could you not tell what I was like!"

"That's not fair Bella!"

"It is—"

"It's really not! I live in this world where everyone is pretending, whether it's for work or for real. That shit happens. People play all the damn time, so how was I supposed to know you were different! And when we'd run scenes together I could see how fucking talented you were, so of _course_ I'm going to think that you're capable of pretending. Bella, _I didn't know any better_. And I cannot tell you how sorry I am, but you—"

"That doesn't excuse what you did in your trailer!"

"I _know that_! I can't even begin to tell you how much I know that."

…

…

…

We both have no words; what else can I say that I haven't said? He knows what he did killed me, that his perception of me was so freakin' _wrong_, that his actions were fucked, that—

"The only thing…. The only thing I can think to do now, is to try and earn your forgiveness… I know we're working on set together and obviously that's important, but just so you know I would want to earn it even if we weren't bound to spend almost everyday of the week for 12 hours or more together." His voice grows quiet, and I have to strain to hear it. "You're important… I know I don't exactly warrant your forgiveness, but I can't not try. I cannot, _not_ try."

…

…

…

"What about all that stuff about, _wanting to get to know me_, and, stuff." I know I sound like a bitch but, whatever. I don't feel like defending my actions at this moment.

Edward nods quickly. "Yeah. Getting to know you would come with attempting to earn your forgiveness."

"Yeah well, what if I don't want you to get to know me."

"That's not an option," he blurts quickly. My eyes flash to his. "Shit sorry. I mean it's an option on your part, obviously, but I can't just…. _not_, earn your forgiveness. Whether you want me to get to know you or not, I think you deserve this," he grits out.

"_I_ deserve this?"

"Yes. You deserve this."

"What does that mean?"

"It means whatever you want it to mean; if you want me to grovel, I fucking _will_, and if you want me to be your damn slave for a month, yes, I will, and if you want me to…" he trails off. "If you want me to leave you alone, aside from filming… _yes_, I will."

"You know, I don't think I believe you."

"And why not."

"Because that's not who you are! I've seen you, I know you—kinda—, and that's not what you do! You're, ya know, _aggressive_, and _confident_, and all that other shit, so I have a hard time believing that you'll just leave me alone should I ask." I met his face.

He's staring hard at the floor, struggling. Then he speaks.

"_Yes_, parts of me are like that, but, something else you don't know about me is that I'm a determined motherfucker… _Yes_, this goes against my usual… actions, per say, but Bella," he shrugs, looks up to the open ceiling. "You're important." Hoisting himself from the bed, he peers down into my eyes. "I know you know what that means."

.

.

.

.

.

We've both said nothing in these past few minutes, although it feels so much frickin' longer. But anyway…

"Let me earn your forgiveness."

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Okay. Maybe."

* * *

**A/N: After that last chapter, reviews frighten me :)**

**Thank you for reading, reviewing, and general support.**

**This is becoming a very interesting experience for me.**

**Anywho, lots of love & comfy set beds!**

**Tweeter= iluvtwilightmre**


	42. Remember The 'Maybe'

**I know I know.**

**It's been a bit.**

**But but, the damn HOLIDAY'S are coming!**

**Anyway, see you at the bottom :)**

* * *

We're both silent as my declaration sinks in.

His beautiful lips turn up into a grin, and he nods; acceptance. While his smile is softer, his eyes are alive and bright.

This is why I love people's eyes, especially Edward's: they're very honest, and it's almost impossible to truly lie with them.

…

…

…

_So uhhh, what now._

"So, uh, what now?"

"What now?"

I nod. "Yeah."

With a little smirk, Edward answers. "Well I," taking out his phone, he checks the time I think, "have to go meet with David. As for you I'm sure you have pre-production stuff to do before filming next week."

Um...o-okay?

"Oh. Sure," I mumble. Why does this feel like he's dismissing me?

He looks down as he shoves the iPhone into his back pocket. His eyes meet mine again. "I'll see you next week then."

Would it be appropriate if I cried?

"Yeah," I breathe out.

Suddenly he's taking another step closer to me, and then another, and then another, causing me to move backwards; it's an aggressive action, his eyes potent, but his voice is gentle as he speaks. "You asked me 'what now'? Here's 'what now': you'll be you, I'll be me. You'll be you, and I'll be working my ass off for your forgiveness. We'll be us, and… and yeah." He rolls his eyes. "Okay that didn't necessarily come out the way that I wanted it to, but you do understand what I'm trying to say? That what's _up_ is that as soon as you walk on the damn lot I'm gunna be trying for forgiveness?" And then my back hits the wall; he raises, places his hands by either side of my head, trapping me. Leaning in close, he says, "I'll be _working_ for that," lower. "Do you understand?" he asks.

Nodding once slowly, my eyes droop slightly.

His own eyes never leaving mine, his face leans in even closer, almost touching me.

Edward tilts his head to the side, running his straight nose down my temple all the way to my jaw, coming back up to my ear. _He smells like—like fabric softener and sandalwood and leather… and maybe sunshine_.

"You're important Bella," he says, low into my ear, then dipping down to drop a firm yet small kiss under my jaw.

Do not moan. _DO NOT MOAN._

The man pulls away completely, walks, retrieves, places on his shoulder a messenger bag from beside the bed, and heads for the exit.

Stopping, he turns around.

"I'll see you," a slight smile present. "And remember what I said." Nodding, he leaves.

.

.

.

.

.

Well apparently I've been holding my breath. Letting out a huge fucockalating gust of air, I lean back and tip my head against the wall.

"Fuck," I breathe. "Maybe Bella…maybe, Bella. You said maybe."

…

…

…

So um, no more tears! …. Yay!

…

The next morning I wake up with a text: it's from Edward.

**Edward**: You're important.

The morning after that I'm heading out for my wig fitting and make-up tests, I get another text.

**Edward**: You're important.

The next morning, another text.

**Edward**: You're important.

And the next, another.

**Edward**: You're important.

…..

It's Saturday and I'm in a meeting with my 'team'; Edward's texts are still consistent.

My thigh buzzes and I can't help the grin; Alice quirks her eyebrows at me from across the table and mouths _what_. I wave her off and pull out my cell; sure enough it's him. _You're important_. The grin grows.

"So Monday, 6 AM Bella."

"What?" _Shit shit shit_. My head snaps up.

Jared, my manager, waves a few fingers at me. "I was just making sure that you remember your call time for Monday?"

"Yeah yeah yeah, sorry, I just got an important text from my dad, who I like, _never_ see, so… Sorry yeah, I know my call time. Plus I saved the call sheet to my phone."

"Oh great, " he smiles.

_Pay attention Bella_.

"So the press release on Monday did relatively well, and so did the interviews, right Bella?" Ruth, my blonde and very cool publicist asks. I nod in confirmation. "The media likes the 'unknown plucked for big production' idea, but we didn't get as much attention as we were hoping for since that shit with Lohan went viral on Tuesday; we're getting pretty good reception otherwise, and the interviews, like I said, looked great too." Ruth looks to me. "As the release of the film approaches the media's most likely gunna pick up on this and that's when shit'll get going, yeah?" She looks around the table, probably looking for the others to back up her theory; they do. Ruth starts talking about some other stuff, but I've stopped paying attention, cuz' my thigh's vibrated again.

**Edward**: Tell me something about you.

**Me**: Tell you something?

**Edward**: Yes.

My fingers hover over the letters.

**Me**: I'm a really picky eater.

**Edward**: Yeah?

**Me**: Yeah. I don't like a lot of foods.

**Edward**: Like?

**Me**: Uhhhh, like cookies. Or bread. Or seafood. Or 95% of breakfast foods.

**Edward**: There are so many fucking things wrong with that last message.

"What?" I laugh under my breath.

**Me**: If you say so…

It's a couple of minutes before he responds again.

**Edward**: Sorry, need to get back to work. I'll text you tomorrow.

**Me**: I know.

**Edward**: Good :)

* * *

**A/N: Concerning the last chapter, I am SO very glad that you ladies seem to be understanding Edward a bit more. And THANK YOU to all that read and reviewed (welcome new readers), and I apologize for not being able to respond.**

**And yes, Stewy's own publicist Ruth will be making an appearance in B-roll.**

**As for posting, whelp, this coming week is a no-go as Thanksgiving is about and I have a damn Turkey to cook. The next week is... shaky: I'll be out of town for a few days.**

**Thank you lovelies, for understanding :)**

**So much love for you all.**

**I'm on the tweeter, where I 'twit' about ff stuff, other stuff, B-roll announcements, and even teasers= iluvtwilightmre**


	43. Alone With My Thoughts

**I hope all of you American lovelies had a nice Thanksgiving :) Also, I just posted a B-roll character list on my profile if you ever get lost.**

* * *

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Blue-footed boobies usually weight about 3.25 pounds… The females are usually a bit larger then the males, and on average, live to be 17 years old._

"No kidding. _Huh_."

_The scientific name of the blue-footed booby is 'Sula nebouxii'—_

"Oh god, what the fuck am I doing." Quickly closing my laptop, I groan and let myself flop onto the bed. I rub my eyes until multiple colored spots appear.

This isn't helping distract me from the fact that today, Sunday, I have _nothing_ to do.

And I am _bored_.

Which leaves me with only one other option: a nap.

With a deep, vexed sigh, I close my eyes and command my body to go to sleep.

…

…

…

It's not working.

Dammit.

…

…

…

…

My mind is wandering…

…

…

_Edward_.

It's he who's clouding my thoughts for the past however many days; I try not to concentrate on that too much.

…

…

…

…

…

_Was what he_—

…

_Am I ov_—

I grit my teeth and stare at the ceiling.

…

…

…

_I think I can…understand it_—

…

_I have no idea how he's—I mean yes what he did was—yes it was and I_…

"Oh Jesus!" I laugh out loud. At myself. I know that the only chance I have at clearing my head is this. So I begin.

"Okay," I say, blowing out a large breath. "What Edward said to me that day was…awful. And it hurt. It felt like I was dying that day…" I whisper, my eyes pricking a bit. I wait a minute for the little drops to dry, and open my mouth to speak again… Nothing comes out.

I know why.

It's because I don't like the words I want to say, but I can feel their truth. They've been lurking in my brain for the past few weeks, surfacing finally. Clear.

"Ah fuck," I mutter, wiping my hand across myself uselessly.

Squeezing my eyes shut tightly, I force the words out.

I let out every single confusing, conflicting, contradictory thought I have; I speak out loud.

I think _this_ but then I then I _know_ that this is true even though I don't want it to be. And then I think _this_ and I know it's right, but then I also know how it felt when… But then I have to remind myself that this _is true_, and that I'm just being irrational.

…

I think this might all be difficult to process because it's… I don't know.

I'm just so… fucking confused.

…

…

And if I could just _ask_ him, then maybe it would make sense to me… But it would still be true that… I can't _not_ remember how it felt when he looked at me and said all that…

…

…

Then a small part of my very abused brain provokes me with the question of—and now it's not even a _small_ part! It's…

"Uuuuh-huh-huh-huh-huh-uggggg, _why god_," I moan, flipping myself over to face the pillow.

I wonder if Rose has any pot lying around.

"Aw _hell_," I groan. "I don't even _do_ drugs!"

Today is not a good day.

After a few minutes of fruitless whining into my pillow, I make a decision; just thinking about it makes my heart race, and my breathing grows shallow.

I'm not sure if even want to hear what he has to say.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that" I mutter, admonishing my clearly deluded conscience. "You just have to deal with this in a straightforward, pragmatic way Bella. Oh and look, you're phone's right there! How bout' that!"

I don't even wanted to discuss how moronic I sound right now.

…

…

A whole two minutes later, and a whole lotta internal ping-pong, my phone is in my hand and ready to dial.

...

…

…

"I need to know," I say, solemn.

_I need to know_.

Pressing his name, the ringing begins.

Edward picks up.

"Bella," he greets me attractively.

"I need to, see you."

"Uh, is everything okay?"

I don't know how to answer that properly. "Edward I just really need to talk to you, clarify some stuff, ask you some… stuff," I grit out. So eloquently. "Immanah you at your trailer before hair and make-up tomorrow. Cool?"

"That early?"

I nod even though he can't see me. "Yes… So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I'll be there."

"Um, bye, then."

* * *

**A/N: Oh Bella, whatchu got goin' on in that noggin of yours?**

**What do you propose she's on to?**

**I'm a tad nervous about how you all will receive the next few chapters, so, be gentle. It's nothing necessarily _bad_, just, well you'll see.**

**Thank you all for every bit of love and support you've left me thus far; it warms my heart and makes my fingers type a bit faster :)**

**OH! If you haven't yet already voted for the Public Lovin' Contest, my entry, "Jesus Fuck" or JF, is on the poll; you can read in on my profile, and if ya like it, give it your vote?**

**Follow me on twitter for B-roll teasers, information, and other shit= iluvtwilightmre**


	44. And Go

**And go.**

* * *

My tenacious desire for answers is the only thing keeping me from loosing my head as I walk, well more like stomp, towards his trailer.

This morning was a disaster, with me almost considering backing out of this little get-together for the shear reason that I couldn't focus on the fact that _today_ is my first legitimate day of filming.

_Holy shit._

But clearly, I opted out and instead down a bottle of Valium.

Kidding. Kinda.

No I took a shot of adrenaline actually.

Kidding again.

Kinda.

Annnnnnd my feet are beginning to hurt from all this deliberate stomping.

But do I stop?

_No-ho-ho_ I do _not_.

Each of my stomps coordinate with my inner pep talk: I, can, do, this, I, can, do, this, _stomp_, _stomp_, _stomp_, _stomp_.

And by the way, fuck being polite!

Pounding my fist on the door once, I fling it open. "EDWARD!" I yell before poking my head inside. He's here, grabbing a bottle of water, still donning his leather jacket and laptop bag.

I've clearly startled him, or at least I think that's what the _fuck!_ meant.

"Bella—" he starts.

"Can you come outside?"

"Yeah?"

"Now please," I command rather than ask. If I don't get this shit out now I'll…do...something. _Yeah_.

He leaves his bag and hops out behind me, shutting the door.

Spinning around, I speak. "Okay, just, please don't talk until I'm done because I have a lot of shit to say and I just need you not to talk. Alright?"

He nods slowly, eyes chary as he sits down on the top step.

"Okay," I murmur breathily.

And….. _go_.

"So yesterday I was thinking about what an odd situation this is—and how fucked up it is too, because there is so much about you and about this situation that I _understand_." I start pacing back and forth, not looking at him. "_I understand_ the passion of an actor, probably better than anyone else. I _understand_ why you slept with that casting director, and why you felt like you had no other choice. I understand that we didn't know each other very long, as we still _don't_. We really don't _know_ each other. I get that we weren't in a relationship with each other, that we were only friends, _if that_." This admission burns my throat as I push it out. "I also understand that you've only slept with three girls, and in reality," my voice breaks a bit, "that's not very many." This one singes me as I speak it.

It's the truth though. I know this.

That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.

"And, I understand why you thought I could be using you." I look up just in time to see him opening his mouth to speak_._ "That doesn't make what you did to me that day okay, but I'm just telling you that I understand now." I release a large breath. "And I want some answers."

His eyebrows crinkle. "Answers," he repeats.

"Yes… I want to know if you were safe, and um, _clean_, each time. If you are…" I sputter.

Edward answers quickly. "Yes I was. Always… Condoms, and she was on the pill. I'd get tested after each time."

"Each time?"

"It was never just once with each girl… We'd keep up a sort of _relationship_ with each other, for a couple weeks. Act like a couple or something…"

"Wait, did the girls know—"

"Yes they knew it was more like an arrangement than anything else."

"Okay."

He looks off to the side, stays silent for a moment. "You know, sometimes, I would try to justify this to myself, that I was helping these girls. Each one was truly talented, and I knew that; I knew that they deserved a real shot in this place. But you know, you and both know this industry shits on you…" He meets my eyes, very sure. "I couldn't judge these girls when all they wanted to do was act, and when I had done the same thing."

He drops his gaze to the concrete.

_Wait, has this hap—_ "Edward has this happened before? To you? I mean have you actually been betrayed by someone before."

_Oh my god it makes_—

"Okay Bella stop right there." He catches my own gaze this time, tone firm. "I can see the damn wheels turning in your head. Just listen to me for a second." He almost sounds irritated… Opening his mouth to speak, Edward stops suddenly with a gust of breath instead, rolling his eyes at the ground. "_Yes_, something technically happened before, but it's not what you think. It was way less fucking dramatic, and not even that big a deal."

I wait for him to continue.

After rubbing his eyes, he starts again. "I had a buddy who I thought was, I don't know, an actual friend. His name was Jacob, and he turned out to be a fake fucker," his voice controlled, matter-of-fact. "To make a long story short, he threatened to talk to the tabloids, share my personal shit, bullshit like that."

"Edward…"

"It's disgusting how fucking _easy_ it is to tip those little shits off," he continues, like I haven't spoken. "I was actually pretty lucky, that none of the shit Jake had on me was significant… Nothing ever happened after my team took legal action though, and honestly things could have been a lot worse. But it taught me to keep my guard up… If something seems too good to be true, it probably is."

"_Edward_," I'm sure my own eyes show disbelief; how can _anybody_ live, or think like that? That seems so miserable, to me at least.

"I don't _have_ to share myself with the public, only my job. It's my right as a person to keep my professional and personal life separate…" Suddenly he's standing tall, intensity and passion seeping into his speech. "What Jacob had may not have been relevant to anyone else, but it was still my privacy he was fucking with, and _myself_."

A minute or two passes by, I can't tell; the beautiful man standing in front of me is far too distracting.

Edward takes a breath, his verdant orbs seeming to settle in the slightest. "If something seems too good to be true, it probably is."

No. I was wrong. The fervor in his eyes hasn't settled a bit. It's changed though…

…

…

…

Oh god. Oh _god_.

And it clicks.

It's all perfectly lucid now, and I feel so damn _stupid_ for not realizing it sooner.

…

How is he going to make up for this? How _can_ he?

I take a step towards him.

"Edward, how are you going to make up for that day in your trailer?" I inquire, having no idea myself.

His face shows question as well.

So here I go. Clarifying.

"You only need to make up for that day… You hurt me." He needs to remember that.

…_He does_.

And thankfully, he shows me that he understands the entirety of my words.

"By rebuilding our relationship, with you…on an honest foundation… Showing you myself." He takes a deep breath. "Giving you my trust, taking yours. Getting to know you without any bullshit, or walls or whatever." In a quiet voice he admits, "I don't know what else to do. I don't know what else to give you Bella."

My heart continues to hammer away at my ribcage, threatening to burst through my body.

"That'll do."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**I was a bit nervous writing this one, so be gentle.**

**I know you all have been very angry with Edward, so I felt it was important for you to understand a bit more about him.**

**As for Bella, this is not her giving in or being a doormat-she's stronger than that :) This is her realizing the facts of their situation and being levelheaded.**

**Other than that, I'm curious to know what you all are thinking.**

**Lots of love & thank yous!**

**You can find me on twitter for teasers, questions, and other shit= iluvtwilightmre**


	45. I'm Fornicating With Fear

**Sorry this took so long to get out; it was a bit of a bitch to process. I apologize for any typos in advance, for I did not have a chance to truly edit this. *kiss kiss***

* * *

As a film actor, you learn to communicate almost solely with your eyes; they're to be developed, deep, intense, and more expressive than if you've written your thoughts down in your own fuckin' journal. With an indelible marker.

Edward's eyes are like this, only better… when he lets you in. He's also the master of concealment.

He's powerful because of this.

My eyes are expressive, yes, but I…cannot conceal. Not easily anyway.

_To be in control is to have power_…

Edward's eyes, at this moment, are utterly disarming in their elation, but then it's gone in a split second; his expression is controlled, but a grin just barley tugs at the ends of his lips. "Alright then."

_I will never understand him_.

"Alright then?" That's it?

"Yes," he responds smoothly. His control is sexy, yet infuriating at this moment.

"That's it? Shouldn't one of us say something more… I don't know, definitive?"

Edward cocks his head to the side, crosses his arms over his chest, eyes alight with amusement.

"_Edward_!"

They soften, and he walks towards me slowly, confidence radiating everywhere.

_He's back_.

"You're important to me Bella," he says, caressing the words like a lover.

My stomach clenches, heart stutters.

"Now say it back to me."

…

…

…

"You're important to me." He cocks an eyebrow. "Edward," I whisper.

My favorite expression of his is back: face relaxed, burning eyes.

"But what…does that mean," he inquires pensively, yet solemn.

"I don't know," I answer quickly.

Edward takes another step closer to me. "No?"

I shake my head. The closer he gets, the harder my heart pumps.

He opens he mouth to speak. "We have something, here." Control. Assurance. A Burn. Intensity.

I open my to speak, in agreement maybe, but I'm stopped.

.

.

.

Oh god.

Oh god oh god oh god oh _god_.

_It's real._

_This is real_.

A very distinct and utterly genuine feeling washes over and takes me.

Until this point, it's like everything is… it's like everything was palpable, but it's not; I can say that he's important, I can think it, and _he_ can say it, but… fucking hell.

Fear.

…

If I say those words back to him, it all becomes _real_. We're here, _now_, and we're admitting that there's _something_, something that we both want in each other.

_I have never done this before_.

I'm scared.

…

Jesus Christ I'm saying these words, and I don't know what they _mean_.

"Bella." My head jerks up to his, Edward's eye widening just the slightest at what I'm sure is the panic. "Bella," he urges me again. Taking a few steps closer, he speaks. "I _know_ you can feel this… _electricity_. Why do you think we were cast together, other than the fact that you're a fucking awesome actor?" He stops now that he's right in front of me; my head tips up. I can feel his warm breath on my face if I stretch a bit… He's so heartbreakingly handsome. Edward uncrosses his arms.

"We're galvanizing. Our chemistry is…" he shakes head, more to himself I think. "We _burn_. You can feel this now. I know you can. Just _try_ and deny that when you're around me you don't think, _more_. Huh? Deny that when we're near each other that we don't create the most… fucking staggering energy. Don't tell me that you're not intensely _aware_ of me." He moves closer somehow, and dips down. I gasp quietly at this unexpected motion. "You feel like you're falling into me and absorbing me at the same time… You feel unease and comfort when we're this close…you imagine my fingerprints everywhere. You're mind is hazy."

I can't breathe.

He uses one hand to trace my jaw between his thumb, pointer, and index fingers. Slowly.

My ears hum and ring—I'm sure I'm red by now.

"You're not alone," he whispers roughly.

My eyes flutter involuntarily.

"_Bella_," he presses on, his nose touching mine.

…

…

_Fear can go fuck itself_.

My head nods. "Yes."

Using his other hand, he fists the hair at the nape of my neck and—

"Edward where the hell have you been, they need you in—oh shit, uh sorry," a female's voice stutters. Edward curses under his breath, and lets go of me.

There is no God.

With Edward at a safe distance, I spot the unfamiliar voice and face. "Hey, um, sorry, but you two both actually have to get to hair and make-up, like now, _please_," she says, clearly trying to hide a look of surprise.

I forget to do the same.

"Sorry hi, I'm Makenna, Alistair's new assistant."

"Oh cool! Hey, I'm Bella, I uh, I actually used to—"

"Yeah you were Al's assistant," Makenna finishes quickly.

"Oh I didn't realize that was a—"

"Bella, I think we have to go, right Makenna?" Edward stops me.

"_Yes_! Go please!" I wave needlessly as she drives off.

Edward speaks before I can. "So I'll see you on set then."

"See you on set," I reply just as warmly, accompanied by a shy smile.

Yeah. Fuck fear.

* * *

**Please review :)**

**Happier times ahead my lovelies... I love me some smut.**

**The 'falling into me/absorbing me' line is not mine. Love to KiyaRaven.**

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**And for those you wondering about my OS entry "Jesus Fuck", no I did not win, but it's all good. S'all good**


	46. A Set Life

**Posting's gunna be a bit off until the end of January my dears; RL shit and all that.**

**A few times a week as opposed to every day.**

**And now onto set life.**

* * *

I can barely hold still as Claire—one of the key hair stylists—finishes curling my hair, and her partner Leah—one of the makeup artists—touches up my eyeliner.

"You excited?" Claire asks knowingly with a laugh. "And stop moving!"

"I'm _sorry_! I'm too frickin' excited to sit still!" I feel like I'm swathed in happiness.

"Clearly," Leah chortles. "I know you're supposed to be going to a party, but what's the scene about?"

"Uh, Edward and I have just come back from this party, and we're in the tree house talking—it's nothing too major."

They nod and smile.

"And…okay that should do it for now."

I look in the mirror, stunned by how young and… _pretty_ I am. "Leah it looks gorgeous," I tell her sincerely.

"You can kiss my ass later chickie, but Makenna's probably waiting outside for you, so _git_."

After grabbing my call sheet and sides for the day, I hop out of the trailer to find a slightly more disheveled Makenna. "Okay let's go, let's go, let's go!" she urges, making a rapid circular motion with her hand in the direction of the cart. "We're running behind schedule already and you still need wardrobe! _Ándale_!"

_Oh sweet GOD. I would have died._

On the way to wardrobe she asks for a twenty on Edward, but I can't hear the response; just hearing his name makes my stomach flip and my hands twitch.

Alice isn't one for pleasantries when I head into my dressing room: she's far too busy flailing about the rack of clothing, trying to decide if the boots _really do go with the top_.

Shoving a pair of dark skinny jeans, a push-up bra, thong, a black top with a v-neck, and black heeled boots to me, she gives me a quick swat on the ass and shrieks something about needing to grab socks for Edward, fleeing as only Alice does.

Crazy bitch.

22 minutes later (two of which were spent listening to Makenna apologize insistently), I'm sitting in my very _motherfucking own_ directors chair, with my fucking own _name_ on it.

**Isabella Swan**

I even felt my eyes tear up a bit when I first bestowed my gaze upon the thing.

_Gah_!

"I always ask God to bless everyone I love…and I usually, I usually ask him to watch over people less fortunate than me." I look down to check the li—

"Whoa-ho-_ho_! Is that Miss Bella I see in her very own directors chair? I think it _is_!"

Rolling my eyes, my body twists to face the voice.

"Why _yes_ it _is_ Alistair," I shoot back playfully. Guess he's forgiven me…

My old boss comes up behind me, clasps his hands on my shoulders, and shifts me back around. "We should be starting in a few minutes; just waiting on one of the steadicams and Edward."

_Clench_. _Shake_.

"Good deal." Patting me, he heads over to David, who's talking animatedly with his hands.

Suddenly, there are fingers sliding under the bottom of my top, inching their way up, stroking me, then down to the top of my jeans, dipping in to trace the edge of my lace panties.

Before I can freak the fuck out, the finger's owner speaks. "You look hot as fuck right now," a smooth voice licks at my ear.

"Um—"

Edward removes his hand and strides ahead of my chair, heading over to the tree house. He turns around, walking backwards slowly, and jerks his head towards the set, a sexy smirk donning his lips.

_Oh yes. He's back_.

My breathing stutters as I set down my sides and grab the jacket I'm to wear in the scene, following much less gracefully.

He's _so_ fucking delicious in his costume, an expensive leather jacket, tight grey tee, black jeans, and a thin black and white striped scarp twisted around his neck a few times; it's very Daniel.

"Okay guys c'mon," David calls.

As I get closer, I see the tree house has been broken apart for filming, bits of the top lying off to the side, one of the sides taken away; David tapes the roof and beckons us both over. "Okay, so this scene is just relatively light, you two are relaxed, flirtatious, attracted to with one another, just talking, enjoying each other's company; now when you get to Bella's _why don't you have a girlfriend_ line, then we see that change in Daniel. All right? Let's just do the whole thing through and see what happens. Hey can we get the M&M's over here please Seth?" He turns around to chat with the prop master, and it's then that I notice how busy the set's become; there are people everywhere, most of whom I've never even seen before.

Sucking in a quick breath, I realize something: _I'm about to start filming_.

The urge to cry and the urge to vomit battle with one another.

_Imma cry_.

Before the tears can begin to accumulate, the same hand that caressed me intimately a few minutes ago, slides under my hair and up to the base of my neck, slowly massaging the spot there from behind.

"Edwa—"

"Stop talking Bella." Releasing his grip, Edward comes around to face me; reaching into my shirt, he retrieves the chain that's lying there. Holding the square in his palm, he smiles softly as he reads its inscription, then fists and kisses it, closing his eyes.

I have an immediate desire to do the same, so I do… My lips and fingers linger for just a second on his fist.

Did his eyes just darken?

No…

"You need to take this off."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot I was even wearing it," I smile at him. He's wearing my favorite expression again. _Twice in one day_.

Pocketing the necklace, the set begins to fall in line, and Alistair starts calling the roll.

"Waiting on lighting and talent! Let's go everybody!" he yells out.

_Oh shit_!

Edward smirks as we both make our way over to the tree house; we sit side by side with about a foot between us, myself snuggling into a blanket. Seth hands us a bag of M&M's and Edward a lighter to play with, while David informs us that we're using a steadi and positions us to camera, then gives me the cue line to cover Edward with the blanket.

_Shit, shit, shit_.

_Yes_!

We're good.

I let myself sink into Rae as Al continues roll… "Final checks please!" Leah and Claire rush over to me quickly, clear product bags slung over their shoulders, one running a comb through my locks and the other touching up my lip stain, before fleeing off behind the camera once more.

Okay okay okay okay.

I got this.

"And picture is up! Quiet on the set!" The set indeed hushes almost instantaneously. "Roll camera… Roll sound…"

"Speed," the sound mixer calls back.

"Scene twelve, take one," the Clapper-Loader, James, says.

"Mark it." James smacks the clapper's arm down.

_EHHHH_!

"Set," the camera operator tells David, adjusting his harness once more.

David looks to Edward, then me. "Ready?"

Nod.

"And… action!"

* * *

**Yes, the calling of roll is very real; I didn't make up a single thing :)**

**Also, a reviewer made an interesting comment about Bella 'flaws'; what do you think her flaws are?**

**Please review and let me know.**

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	47. This Is

**As you should know by now, I did not write "High Anxiety", but I did receive the author's permission to use it, so, yeah.**

**Also, pray for the ones in Connecticut; I know I will. **

**See you at the bottom.**

* * *

Although the camera's moving around us, I don't see it; it doesn't exist in my world.

I shiver, covering myself up further with the thick blanket. "I still can't believe the stunt Alex pulled with Janie—he's such a dumb ass," I laugh. Grabbing a few M&M's from the jumbo bag, a few are shoved in my mouth.

Daniel laughs. "Well Eva's busting his balls for it, so…"

I chuckle again and smile. He shivers. I throw the blanket on top of his legs and scoot closer. He nods in _thank you_.

Drawing my knees up to my chin, my cheek rests on my knee as I wrap my arms around my legs. "Thank you for telling me about your mom tonight. I really feel honored," I whisper.

He nods again. Oh shit, I have to pray… Closing my eyes, I pray to God to bless everyone I love, Daniel too—

"Rae, what are you…" I hold up my finger…. _And… Amen_. Crossing myself, I open my eyes.

Umm, _what_?

"Were you just praying? I didn't realize you were religious," he asks, sound surprised.

"Oh, I'm not. It's, um…it's silly, or something... Night time prayers are something I've done with my dad since I was really little—When I left with my mom it was the last thing he said to me," my voice deepens a bit, "_Rae, listen to your mom, and don't forget to brush your teeth and say your prayers at night_. It kept me feeling close to him."

Daniel grins a bit. "What do you say?"

_Uhhhhhh…_

"Um…well, I always ask God to bless everyone I love, and I usually ask him to watch over people less fortunate than me. Like tonight I asked him to save the little boy on the news that went missing, in the woods—did you hear about that?"

"Yeah."

"And then I usually thank him for the things I have, and sometimes I ask for a favor… and yeah. I don't know," I dip my head, embarrassed.

"That's cool Rae," he tells me, eyes sweet...

He gotta be gay.

"Can I ask you something?" He yawns but shakes his head _yes_. Okay, okay, okay, you can totally ask him this, this is a perfectly acceptable thing to do…"Are you gay?"

A smile creeps on his full lips. _Dude_: what the fuck.

"Uh, no. I'm not gay."

Really now? "Bi?"

"Not even a little bit. I like girls."

My heart flutters at his tone, but then it aches; I let out a breath.

But then why—I mean he acts like he likes me, and… _what_? "They why haven't you…" Our eyes met as I pause. _Are you just not interested?_ His wont leave mine, and I wish I could be that cool about this and not dart away uncomfortably…

And now I'm just… I mean, am I not pretty enough for him? Does he just not like me—I thought we were getting along really well. "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" I hate the way my voice sounds, more like a plea than a question.

My eyes track his every moment; they watch how he swallows thickly and inhales, body going ridging and eyes turned away. He seems ambivalent in… something.

"It's complicated," Daniel finally whispers, flatly.

Oh. Okay.

My head nods mechanically, lungs releasing a sigh all on their own. He speaks again. "I know everyone thinks it, but I…can't go around beating everyone up because they think something stupid about me."

_Yes you can! You should!_

I close my lips to hold it in… and yawn, closing my eyes. Neither of us says anything for a minute, but then I open my eyes and meet his.

_Daniel_.

There are… so many things I want to say to this boy.

I want to kiss him. He's looking me like he—

"Cut!"

Edward releases a breath and rubs his hands over his face a few times, smiling; I let out an unexpected, and rather _loud_ guffaw.

No I lied, that shit's been coming ever since David called _action_.

My director quirks an eyebrow, but ignores my outburst. "Okay that was really lovely you guys, especially for a wide shot; I wanna do it again, and this time, Bella, let the _I like girls_ thing sting you a little bit more. And Edward, just let yourself be with her, getting to know her, figuring it out—we're picking up just a little too much confidence, and Daniel's not really sure how to act around her, you know this extreme attraction he feels. Good? Both of you?"

We agree.

"Okay, back to one everybody!"

Sitting back in our original positions, I let out a shaky breath.

_Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah_…

Before I can ask what he's doing, Edward leans in towards me and fixes a stray hair that's fallen onto my forehead, saying nothing. Tracing his finger around the shell of my ear once, he lets go and gets back to his _one_; my _look_ is gracing his face.

"Okay are we ready? And… action!"

…...

A little more than four and half hours later we've finished with the scene, and I have a break; telling Edward and one of the other AD's that I left something in my trailer, I grab a golf cart and speed.

I'm breaking too sharply as I see the door with my name on it, jerked too instantly, and I'm running too quickly towards the growing letters.

My head and heart are pounding to the point of pain, tears running down my face; I'm shutting the door now. I'm locking the door now.

Finally.

Letting out the loudest scream, _filled_ with perfect joy, I break down in unrestrained, uninhibited, boisterous laughter.

_This_ is whole.

_This_ is high.

_This_ is it.

_This_ is happiness.

* * *

**A/N: 'Alex'= Emmett character in HA**

**'Janie'= Kim character in HA**

**'Eva'= Rosalie character in HA**

**Please review, tell me your thoughts :)**

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	48. Trailer Time & Quality Questions

**I apologize in advance for any typos.**

**See you down below.**

* * *

"If I were an enzyme I'd be DNA Helicase, so I could unzip your genes," Edward deadpans.

My upright body is flung to the floor of his trailer as I explode with a less than lady-like fit of laughter. My hand slaps the ground as I try to breathe and guffaw at the same time. "_Yes!_ Yes yes yes! That's fucking _gold_!"

Edward's body joins mine, in his own deep fit. "Oh fuck," he gasps, trying to calm himself and failing, "Oh fucking hell, that's the best one!"

"I _know_!" I'm crying now.

"More, we need more—it's your turn!"

"Okay okay," I hoist myself upright and crawl over to his laptop…. _Greatest pickup lines_… Oh shit yes! "Edward," I compose myself… "I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter—phhfffff _shit sorry_!" I can't deadpan like him.

He's back on the floor and my grip on the couch is barely strong enough. "Oh wait there's this one! Okay… Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long!"

This one takes me down.

It's almost ten full minutes until either of us can calm the fuck down and not chuckle… Oh god that was funny.

I smile to myself..._It feels good to laugh with him_.

We both breathe for a minute, saying nothing, just feeling the current in the air that's always present when we're near, I think. At least that's what I'm doing.

It makes my skin tingle; my body restless.

My heart begins to race again.

"Edward?"

"Yes."

Hesitation. "I don't know that much about you..."

"No?" he turns his head to look at me, green meeting brown.

_Stutter_.

I shake my head.

"Well I'm sure IMDb has my life story up there by now."

Shoulders shrug.

Green flashes a bit.

Brown flutters.

"Ask."

_Uh_, "Your parents?"

He turns his head back to the ceiling and clears his throat. "My parents are normal. They live in the north shore area of Chicago, which is where I'm from… My dad Carlisle is a professor at Northwestern, and my mother Esme is a professional party planner, specializing in bar and bat mitzvahs," he grins. "I don't have any siblings."

"Did you have a good childhood growing up?"

Edward shrugs. "Sure."

I wait for him to continue… "Edward… It's me… It's _me_."

He coughs and rubs an eye. "Well money wasn't an issue really, so that was nice, and I went to a good school and did well in all everything that wasn't fuckin' math and science," he chuckles. "Being one of the only non-Jewish kids was annoying a fuck sometimes, but other than that is was fine."

_It's almost like pulling teeth_. "And your parents?"

He sighs deeply and runs a hand through his chaotic hair. "They were good parents…"

"And? We're they… supportive? I mean were they supportive of your choice to act?"

A hand runs through again, pulling a bit this time. "Not…not really. Sometimes."

"_Edward_."

He releases a coarse gust of breath."Carlisle didn't like it. He told me that most actors make about ten grand a year, and that it has one of the lowest lifetime earnings. He would say that it _wasn't a serious occupation_, and that it _wasn't reliable_, and I need a _backup_ _plan_."

"What about your mother," I ask quietly.

"Esme didn't really know what to think at the time. I think she wanted me to be happy, and she wanted to support me, but she agreed with my father about the backup bullshit."

Oh… "Are things okay with them now?"

"Yeah, we're fine; they're doing well, and I try to see them when holiday's come up and I'm not working."

"Well that's good," I offer.

"Tell me about your family," he says quickly, meeting my gaze.

I smile, thinking of my Padre. "I am from, this little town in Washington called Forks, and I grew up there with parents until they got divorced when I was in high school; my mom Renee lives in Jacksonville with her husband Phil, and my dad Charlie is still back home." _Oh Padre._

"Are they supportive."

"Um, yeah, I mean my mom likes that I'm doing something creative with my life, and uh… Charlie just wants me to be happy. They were very excited when I told them about booking this part," I chuckle, replaying my mother's squeal of joy and Padre's audible smile over the phone.

"That's great."

"Yeah, I got really lucky with them."

I wait for Edward's response, but when there is none I turn to look at—_oh_.

_My look_, times… 569. And then some.

_This_ is the look I masturbated to the other day.

Oh Jesus I can't get wet now!

"Play twenty questions with me."

Um yeah, okay… _What_?

I nod quickly.

He starts. "Movie you've watched the most."

"_The Outsiders_… Same question back to you."

"_American Beauty_… What's your favorite song as of this moment."

"_We are Young_, by Travie McCoy. Same to you."

"You can't keep doing that Bella… but it's _Locked Out of Heaven_ by Bruno Mars."

I love that song. "Uh… _Pepsi_ or _Coke_?"

He laughs. "I can't usually tell the difference, but, if I had to choose it would be _Pepsi_. Are you an innie or an outtie."

"Innie?"

"Let me see," he murmurs, barely pausing.

"What?"

"Lift up your shirt."

You know those moments in your life when you decide to shut your brain off, and act not-so pragmatically? Well, for some reason I'm choosing _this_ moment to do just that: without thinking, my t-shirt is yanked up for all of five seconds before it's safe and down and then it's not; Edward grabs my wrist and forces me to lift it again, revealing my stomach to his intense eyes.

Placing two fingers on either side of my bellybutton, he touches me. "You're an innie," he says, voice all kinds of sexy.

The urge to rub my thighs together is tenacious within me.

Applying slight pressure, his long fingers leave my body and are instead placed behind his head along with the rest of his arms.

"Your turn."

Uuhuh.

"Favorite color?" That was lame. His sharp chortle confirms that.

"It changes. Do you have any phobia's?"

"Needles and dying. Uhhhhhhh first alcoholic drink you had and what age."

"Shot of vodka when I was 14… One food you wont eat?"

"Lentils. Tattoos or piercings?" Do not blush, do not blush, no fucking blushing Bella!

I refuse to look at him, but I can hear the damn smirk. "I have a faux tattoo right now for Daniel, but I do have two piercings: my nipple—got it done for Daniel, but I think I'm gunna keep it—, and I have an apadravya."

"What's that?" Why is the smirking growing?

"My cock is pierced Bella."

_Oh fuck!_

I gasp, slamming my lips shut…. "Oh," I squeak out.

"Mmhum."

"Um, do you like hats?" I shoot off.

"Uh yeah, I do. I own a few beanies," he tells me, clearly trying to control himself.

Asshole.

"Mock cocks, yay or nay?"

There is _no GOD_.

* * *

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	49. The Result of a Freak Out

**Hope your holiday was/is going swimmingly :)**

**I'm very proud of this chapter.**

**See you at the bottom loves.**

* * *

"Oh god, oh god _oh god_ oh god oh god _oh god_, fuck." I'm close to hyperventilating.

I should never have agreed to do this; I mean really, what the fuck was I thinking?

Oh Jesus fucking Christ, god no. Fuck fuck fuck fuck, shit, _fuck_.

"Bella, you said this wasn't going to be an issue," David reminds me harshly, clearly irritated. "You know what, let's just stop rolling everybody," he tells the crew.

He's going to motherfucking fire me!

"No David please, I'm sorry, I just um—I'm really sorry, can I just take a minute please?" I practically beg and cry simultaneously.

He nods sharply, his jaw set.

I hop off the sink counter and walk a few feet from the small crew and cast, attempting to calm myself.

…

…

"_Shit_," I whisper instead, tears beginning their descend down my cheeks. "Fuck, _no_," I whimper, knowing that I'm ruining my makeup, which is _sure_ to piss David off further. "What the fuck is wrong with me."

Fiddling with the zipper on the jacket of the Halloween costume for today's scene, I tell myself to think of anything else but this moment, just something trivial to help me relax.

_Come on, come on, anything_.

Something… _Anything_.

…

…

…

…

Well um, the past two weeks of filming have been really great; I'm proud of the scenes we've been producing, and I'm making friends with the cast and the new crew members brought on… I found out Alice is dating Jasper, the crazy biznatch… Charlie sent me flowers on Saturday… Every night when I get home Rose asks me about my day, and we discuss things with Edward and David and other stuff… And I've been hanging out a lot with Edward on set, talking, trying to be open with one another… We've been trying to get together on our days off—which is nearly _never_, not that I mind too much—but one of us is always busy…

_Edward_

"_Why are actors paid so much?" I inquire, a thought randomly popping out of my mouth._

"_Because we willingly seek to destroy our own minds and bodies in the hopes of eliciting emotion from people we don't know, and probably wont ever meet. That's why."_

Edward.

"_Please be a dildo … please be a dildo … GODDAMNIT MOM! I WANTED A DILDO!"_

"_WHAT? She did _not_ say that during fucking Christmas Edward!"_

"_Alice's parents are deaf! They thought she was saying that she wanted a _dingo_!"_

"_You got be fucking kidding me," I guffaw._

"_Then she says 'I was really hoping for heroin. But I guess the waffle-maker will do'."_

Edward.

"_What do you think attraction is?"_

"_Humm?" I turn my head to look at Edward. We're in his trailer, both quietly shifting through the script, making notes._

"_What do you think attraction is."_

_My scalp prickles a bit. Clearing my throat, I answer. "I think it varies."_

_He pauses before meeting my eyes. "I think…it's looking at someone and feeling as if you're burning… When you can feel everything at once, like a total onslaught, when your heart aches from the work and your fingertips prickle. When you know you've been numbed until this moment… Attraction is illogical, and it's automatic. Finding true attraction is serendipitous," he finishes. Edward looks away, eyes on the page. "But then again, you could be right."_

Edward… is grabbing my wrist now.

"Bella, what's going on."

And with those three words, the panic attack returns.

"Um, I just uh, I just don't think I can do this Edward—I mean I know you don't have a problem with nudity but, I mean, no one's ever even seen me like that and I just don't know if I should be doing this! I mean, _yes_, this is something Rae would do and I _want_ to do it for her but, I just fucking—I mean I can't, I can't _lose_ myself in her right now!" My voice grows higher, distressed, sounding more hysterical with every word I say. Edward's eyes are wide. "And I don't know what to do, and what the hell does this say about me an actor—if I even _am_ one, Jesus _fucking_ _Christ_, and I'm _sure_ David's pissed at me right now and probably wants to fire my prude ass, but what am—"

Abruptly, he tells me to stop talking and drags me over to David.

"Hey David, we'll be right back, I just wanna talk to Bella for a minute, calm her down, cool?"

My director takes one look at my face and nods quickly.

That bad, _huh_.

"What are we doing Edward," I ask pathetically, trying to wipe my tears as he tugs me roughly towards a dark area behind an empty set. "Edwa—"

Without warning, I'm pushed up against a wall, lips crashing into mine.

I freeze.

_Oh_, I'm being kissed.

_By Edward_.

Unfortunately, recognizing this doesn't evoke a response, but only makes me tense up further; this is the first time we've _ever_ kissed as ourselves. This is our first touch as Edward and Bella, not Daniel and Rae.

Christ.

Suddenly Edward pulls back and cups my face in his hands roughly, forcing me upwards. "_Kiss me_."

Oh my fucking _god_.

I'm back.

With a wild gasp I throw myself at him, lips colliding with his and hands gripping that gorgeous hair like nothing else in the world matters. My body presses against his—so fucking hard, tall, and warm—but instead he jerks my body back into the wall with his own, responding with a grunt that lights me on fire.

There's no script here, no stage directions telling me where to put my hands next and how aggressively to kiss him this time.

I'm aware that I've never done anything like this before, but I have also _never_ felt like I'm burning and being swallowed whole by unrelenting passion; so I'm going to do what I want. I just do what feels right.

This man feels so right I could die.

His hands fist the hair at the base of my neck as he bites and nips my lips roughly, fucking _finally_ pushing his tongue into my mouth, dominating. Smooth, confident, and hot as fuck. He devours my mouth and I can't stop shaking with… _something_.

I'm whimpering everywhere at the new sensations rippling through my body, and one hand fists his hair tighter while the other grabs the front of his costume.

He's moaning.

I feel myself becoming wet.

We're both panting for air but it's clear neither of us can stop touching.

Edward and I are becoming frantic in our need to just feel each other; our mouths and hands are becoming sloppy, which only makes everything hotter.

Now he's pressing _everything _against me and oh Jesus _Christ_ he's so hard, and so warm. On instinct I release his shirt to reach down and touch him, curiosity fueling me, but Edward grabs my wrist and pins it to the side of the wall in one swift motion.

Before I can say anything, his other hand moves to the zipper on my jacket; I have nothing on but a bra.

He detaches himself from my lips and instead runs his own back and forth my jaw and up and down my neck, scraping his teeth, biting, _sucking_.

"_Uuuuuhhh_," I let out.

Trailing the tip of his tongue in a course, then kissing the warm, wet path, he unzips me fluidly; I cannot contain my gasp as my breasts come into his view. They move up and down rapidly as my breathing increases.

"_Fuck_," he growls, while concurrently grabbing my right tit, slowly massaging me, squeezing and plucking my hard nipple through my thin bra.

"I—I um, uuhuh… uuhuh, Edward—"

His mouth is by my ear. "Do you know how long I've wanted you?" He doesn't wait for my answer as his cock grinds into my stomach. "I want you Bella. _This_ is how much I want you. Can you feel how hard I am?"

I'm too close to tears, so I nod in quick succession.

"I can't tell you how many times I've fucked my hand thinking of you, fantasizing of eating your pussy out, sucking on your tits, us fucking each other to the point where we're raw… You _consume_ me Bella, always."

He speeds up his kneading, relinquishing his hold on my wrist and grabbing my other breast, furiously rubbing my nipples.

I'm moaning like I'm in pain, but this _is_ almost like a physical pain—the pain of wanting more and not getting it.

My panties are soaked, and I want to ask him to rub me in another place; I throb everywhere.

My whimpers and groans move up in pitch, eliciting more moans from Edward, who's slowly gyrating his thick cock into me.

_More_.

I grab his hair again, forcing his mouth back to mine; he bites my bottom lip and sucks on my tongue.

He then shoves one hand inside a cup, pinching my bud and tweaking. "Ah!" I cry out at the unexpected movement, pushing my head into the crook of his neck, biting down a bit.

"Are you wet?" Edward growls. "Do you like having your nipples played with Bella?"

"Fuck… _Yes Edward_."

He's so dirty, and I'm so horny and in desperate need of friction.

"Do you fuck yourself while thinking of me?"

"What?" I gasp, needing air that doesn't seem to be here.

"You heard me," he says, pulling my nipple.

"Huuuuuhhh—yes!"

"Do you come?"

"Hard," I groan into his neck.

Abruptly, he pulls back, only to cup my face again, tenderly. I whimper at the loss of contact, and Edward's breathing deeply as he rests his forehead against mine, bowing us both back into the wall. He pauses before asking, "Are you feeling good?"

I need new panties. "Yes?"

"Are you feeling better."

"Yes?"

"Do you want to go back and give the scene another try?"

What? "Uhhhh…"

"Distraction, Bella," his smirk somewhat visible in the darkness as he plays with the end of a piece of my hair.

"Is that what this was then?" I shoot back promptly, finding my voice.

He bends down to run his tongue over that sensitive spot behind my ear, then kisses the wetness. "Does this _feel_ like just a _distraction_?"

…No. This feels like we're being swallowed.

"Idon'tknow."

"I've wanted to do this to you ever since you sat down at my table during the _Endeavour_ party. Taking your mind off of today's scene just happened to be our perfect window. Am I right, Bella?" The bastard makes me agree with a few nips and bites of the earlobe. Beautiful pulls back. "Seriously though, are you okay now?"

"Mmmhum," I nod.

Fisting my hair and causing me to look up again, he places his full lips just millimeters from mine. "That should have been our first touch," he murmurs before pressing and capturing me in a searing kiss that elicits a gasp-moan.

I know I've never been kissed before him, but for fucks sake the man knows how to kiss like it's the last one left.

Instantly, I know I'll never have enough of this; I'll always need more. It's a slightly terrify thought, but my heart stutters with elation anyway.

I want him to touch me again—which is why I semi-consciously attempt to curve my body around him, but Edward himself stops me by quickly zipping up my jacket and placing another kiss under my jaw.

"Come on doll, we have a scene to shoot."

* * *

**Damn straight you do! Git!**

**These two are in for a whole new period...**

**Anyway, if you dig this fic, leave me some love? Or hate?**

**THANK YOU as always, for reading and reviewing-it means a whole lot to me.**

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	50. Lil' Bit A Scene Lovin'

**Holy Hell. It's chapter 50.**

**What a ride it's been thus far, but dear readers, it's not over yet. Not by a long shot.**

***waves to new readers* Howdy! Glad to see you've joined the B-roll Train!**

* * *

I'm giggling like a schoolgirl as Edward pulls me along back to set; we interlock our pointer fingers as we shuffle along hurriedly, while concurrently attempting to smooth ourselves.

I don't think we do a very sufficient job; my hair is still all facocklated and Edward says my lips are still swollen and red. I tell him that my bite mark is still visible and his hair looks more sexed up than usual. He gives me an eyebrow and playful scoff, telling me that David's going to wonder where we are.

_Yeah, well, fuck you too._

"Hey, David, sorry, it took Bella a bit longer to calm down than I thought it would," Edward calls, releasing our lock.

David looks between the two of us, clearly incredulous, and shakes his head but mentions nothing. "How are you feeling Bella?"

Swallow. "I wanna do the scene."

"Including the nudity?" he clarifies.

I nod my head. "It's important; it's something Rae would do."

"I agree; and Bella you don't need to worry about anything—we're not going for gratuity, but I do want a full reveal shot. Okay?"

My anxiety creeps in a bit, but I tell him it's fine.

"Great; can we get a little buff and puff for these two please? Thank you!" Claire and Leah hurry over to fix both mine and Edward's hair and makeup; Claire's giving me wiggle eyebrows but otherwise stays silent.

I avoid her gaze and instead cough, picking at invisible lint on my _Top Gun_ themed costume skirt.

10 minutes later we're smoothed and prepped, ready to film; my stomach rolls a bit.

_This is important for the movie; I can't always be 100% comfortable in everything I film. Take a risk Bella_…

Thank god for the closed set today.

Our director walks over to us, script in hand with the supervisor lingering nearby. "So, in this scene, we need to see the significance of Daniel and Rae mutually masturbating together; this is not only the first time Rae experiences an orgasm, but it's that fact that they're getting off _together_, exposing their bodies to one another in such an intimate manner. Now, obviously you two can't actually masturbate on camera, but I'd like you to simulate it as best you can—I want it to be realistic yet passionate and new, you're feeding off of each other. Intensity, yeah? Good. As per usual, we'll shoot the scene all the way through the first take using the steadi—Bella I'd like to get the shot of you revealing your breasts to him in full during this take, and well as you taking your underwear off, so just beware of that, no big deal, alright? Great." _Be still heart! _

"Edward, when she turns around to face mirror and exposes herself to you, I'll cue you when we need your expression, and Bella just move your arms upward like your lifting your skirt." David calls Alistair over. "Hey Al, do you think she should keep the bra or should we just have her without in this scene; it clasps in the front but I'm thinking it might look awkward when she's undoing it."

"Braless is probably going to be more fluid."

"Yeah? Okay, Bella, are you okay with going without a bra?"

Fucking hell. "Yeah that's fine."

"Okay everybody, let's get settled! Bella why don't you go and change quickly?"

Off behind the set I change, my nipples beginning to harden from the sudden exposure to the cold air.

Lovely.

My ass perched on the large 'bathroom' sink, Al's calling roll; Edward and I kiss my pendent, a ritual of ours before each new scene, before I pocket it.

Closing my eyes, I think of Rae; her life, her dreams, her hopes, and her love for Daniel.

.

.

.

.

_You are Rae._

_I am Daniel._

_We are _so_ in love._

Yes.

"And… action!"

…

…

"I can't just make it big! Jesus Rae, how much did you drink?" he asks, chuckling, standing in front of me with his matching _Top Gun_ themed jeans unzipped.

I shrug, laughing too. "Come on, please Daniel…Ooh, I know how I can make it big." _Heart stutter_. I scoot and lean back into the mirror, narrowing and lowering my eyelids. My lips purse as I run my hands across my upper chest and collarbones, grazing, rubbing and swirling. This feels nice actually. I grab the zipper on my bomber jacket, hesitating slightly before slowly pulling it down, revealing my bare chest to him. My heart _pounds_; it's all I can hear. My body feels like stiff jell-o.

And suddenly it's all delirious, and yet I am alive as I smile at him. In this moment, I'm acutely aware of the extremity of our chemistry. It's the only explanation for _this_.

Why was I worried about this scene again?

My boy's eyes are darkening and my nipples are hardening further. He's so fucking sexy in his costume…

I want him. Now.

"Fuck…are you kidding me right now?" Daniel asks me, reaching into his jeans and stroking himself; his breath is changing. My hands cup my tits, massaging and playing with them for him, watching his face and his ministrations, back and forth.

_Holy Shit. I'm turned on!_

And apparently so is Daniel; I'm whimpering softly, my own breathing modifying as I pinch my nipples. Daniel moans when I do that.

Abruptly he turns away from me, opening the bathroom door a crack, clicking and locking it shut before returning.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he whispers. My heart soars and my fingers speed up. "Daniel…" I breathe, clawing one hand up my exposed thigh. My lids flutter; I want him to touch me, to give me what I can't ever _fucking_ give myself.

I think he can see that, because he stands against the counter between my legs and says, "You need to touch yourself, baby. Go ahead…make yourself feel good for me."

_Please god._

On his permission, my hand draws up my thigh, and I meet his unrelenting gaze. He's still stroking himself, faster it seems, breathing erratic. My own breath hitches as I see him grip his dick in his hand, making stroking motions—it seems so real though.

And here we go.

My fingers slide under my army green skirt, causing it to ride up, and dip into the waistband of my panties; I gasp when I find swollen wetness, gritting my teeth while my fingers mime masturbation; more than a few times I accidently stroke my clit, causing me to cry out. I want so badly to actually fuck myself in this moment.

"Take them off," Daniel whispers, and someone says that they're tracking the shot of me, so I slip my hands under my ass and slide the black panties down my legs. Thankfully, no one can see anything because I have another, nude pair on to cover myself.

Daniel pulls them off once they're passed my knees, careful not to touch me. I want to whine and whimper at that, but instead my hand slithers right back to its position between my legs.

"Beautiful…turn around," he says. I give him a quizzical look but do as he asks, making eye contact with him as I spread my legs and rest on my shins. Biting my lip and looking down, I slowly pantomime lifting my skirt, hearing someone say something about getting the reaction shot.

"You don't have to Baby, I just wanted to see you better…" he tells me, still blatantly stroking his cock.

_Oh sweet boy_, _no_.

Opening my legs, I expose myself to him. Daniel moans and I whimper.

I lick my lips as our eyes met in the reflection once again, my hand gliding back to my center. "Holy fuck, Rae," he hisses, watching, jerking faster, frantic. _It's painful to want something this much_. My skirt slides back down as I faux rub myself… circling, up and down. I'm wet, and suddenly incredibly thankful for the panties and skirt.

"God, that's beautiful…put your fingers inside," he commands roughly, yet still gentle. He takes a small step forward, almost pressing his front onto my back. _This is bullshit. _My head goes back to rest on his shoulder, eyes closing involuntarily.

That's better.

"_Uhuh_, Daniel… I want _yours_," I say, breathily.

"Holy fuck...that is the hottest thing I have ever fucking seen, Rae," he answers me. I clench my jaw and my free hand grips the counter behind me, hips gyrating towards my hand.

"Let me taste you...please," he's begging me. _I could never deny him_. I swiftly remove my hand and slip them inside his mouth, whimpering when he swirls his tongue, nips me, and releases. I know is my cue to work my way towards the orgasm, so I change my breathing pattern, sounding more shallow with every new breath, and flutter my eyes more after I return my hand to my hidden pussy.

"Rae fuck, I want you so bad…I want to taste you with my tongue…I want to be inside of you and I want to feel you all around my cock…baby…"

Daniel finally comes, releasing the sexiest growl-moan I've ever heard.

I'm supposed to be close to my climax. "Oh my God, oh my God…oh my fucking God!" I moan and call out.

_More, more, more!_

"Baby don't stop… Your pussy is so fucking perfect and your tits… I want to taste them and feel your nipples against my tongue and…"

I push my body against him, squeeze my eyes shut, throw my head back and stiffen, gritting out my line. "Shit, shit, shit…holy shit," my chest heaving, panting, slowly letting myself come out of my fake climax.

Finally opening my eyes, brown meets green in the mirror; you can't hear anything but our mutual pants and loud swallows. I think one of us has a line, but I can't recall whom.

Not that I care; we're flying so high.

"Cut!"

No! I want more of this!

Edward almost immediately reaches down and zips up my jacket before doing the same for himself; forcing me to tip my head backwards, he sears me with a kiss, tongue flicking and thumbs rubbing my jaw.

_Uggnh._ God, and he's only 21.

"I hope you know that wasn't us, right?" he speaks against my lips.

"Yes. I know."

"Good," he smirks into me, attacking my mouth again.

* * *

***Sighs deeply* This is one of my favorite HA scenes, although I've changed a few lines, snipped a few things, etc.**

**Link to pictures of their costumes on my profile.**

**If you have any questions regarding this scene, don't be afraid to ask; Bella goes into a sort of weird limbo when she's acting-she's half Bella and half Rae, ya know?**

**SO much love to you all, readers and reviews alike.**

**Thank you for your patience regarding chapters.**

**Come say hi on twitter= iluvtwilightmre**


	51. Sensibility Is For Level-Headed People

Chapter 51

_Sensibility Is For Level-Headed People (Which I Am Not)_

* * *

"Alright everybody, that's lunch!"

Hoping down from the sink, I stretch and moan, shaking my body out from the awkward sitting position I've been in for the last four and a half hours.

_Uuuuggghh yes, yes, yes, yes baby Jaysus_.

Opening my eyes, I find Edward watching me with the weirdest expression on his face.

"What?"

He shakes his head and turns away.

_Um, okay_?

"Come on doll," he says, turning back and jerking his head in the direction of Craft; he starts and I follow closely behind, loving the way he smells. We're both offered fluffy robes, which I take gratefully, snuggling myself into the dark grey softness.

As we near the tables, I notice Jasper standing off to the side, eyes like stone and stance ridged.

_Dude…?_

My eyes throw silent questions at him, but he ignores me until I'm close enough for him to speak. "Bella I need to talk to you. Now, please." He ignores Edward, but his eyes flit over to him every few seconds.

"Uh, _hey_ to you too Jazz," Edward interjects.

"Hey," he responds curtly.

"_Bella_…"

"Yeah, okay sure." I turn to Edward. "I'm just gunna go talk to Jazz for a few minutes, but will you save me a seat?" I ask shyly, averting my eyes.

The guy's groped my almost naked tits and I'm _shy_ about asking for a _seat_.

I just… don't, fucking… I don't understand.

_Anyway_.

"Yeah."

"Okay," I smile quickly, turning to Jasper, whose expression has gone from stone to hostility.

_What the hell is going on?_

He promptly grabs my wrist and leads me to vacant area outside. Well, _lead_ is a very lose term in this situation.

"Jasper what's your deal?"

"What are you doing Bella," he shoots back firmly, crossness evident in his tone.

"What do you mean what am I doing?"

"What are you doing with _him_."

"_What_? What are even talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me!"

"Jasper I have no idea—wait, _him_ as in Edward? Is that who you're talking about?"

He nods sharply. "And so I ask again, _what are you doing, with him_."

"Why does it matter!" I shoot back defensively.

"I have _eyes_ Bella, and it's so fucking clear something's going on between you two."

"So what if something is!"

He takes a step back, blinking. Letting out an exasperated breath, he answers. "I think you should stay away from him. Or… at least be careful. Okay, I'm serious."

"I don't—I don't know what that's supposed to mean."

"Be. Careful."

"_Why_?"

"Because he's not a good guy—not really. And he fucks up everything in his life that isn't his job… Whatever this is, it won't last. _Something's _gunna happen, and there wont be anything that you two can do to fix it." His voice is oddly calm, relaxed, and yet still earnest.

I'm speechless. And offended. And livid. And speechless.

"How _dare_ you say something like that to me."

"I'm just trying to help you Bella…"

"No this not _help_, Jasper, this… I don't even know what the fuck this is. No this is _bullshit_."

"Oh Bella—"

"Fuck _you_ Jasper! I cannot fucking believe you're trying to cripple the most significant relationship in my life! Who are _you_ to do that! I'm a big fucking girl, and I can make my own _fucking_ choices. You know that day in your car, when I told you that he was important? I wasn't lying. He's becoming one of the most important things in my life. Don't be such a goddamn asshole and try to screw with something you're so completely_ ignorant _about!"

"It's not like I just came up with this today Bella! Jesus-fucking-Christ, I've known the guy longer than you have! _News flash_, he's just like every other Hollywood playboy actor. _Alice_ has even said that he's had a hard time with relationships!"

"Oh and has Alice been divulging all of his little secrets to you?" _That fucking bitch._

He stops, takes a deep. "No, not at all actually. That was like the one time she's even mentioned him…"

_Oh. Sorry Alice._

The world begins to spin a little, so I take a breath. Or two. "I can't believe you Jasper."

"Well believe it."

"I'm not gunna stop."

My good friend's eyes harden. "Then I can't support you," he mutters quietly.

The heartache I feel is immediate, but there's nothing I can do to change it. "I don't know what to tell you," I whisper to the ground.

"You can—"

"That's _not_ up for discussion."

"_Bella_," he's suddenly incensed again. "You're _being_, a _fucking_, _idiot_. He's going to ruin you! All he wants is someone to fuck regularly!"

_Slap._

_Red is a cloudy film over everything._

"We're _not_ friends."

I have nothing more to say, so I don't.

I leave.

I _know_ this looks irrational; it probably is.

But I trust myself. I'm trusting that Edward and I have something that's right.

When you having something that is so _blindly right_, you hold on.

Sensibility be damned.

* * *

**So... there's that.**

**THANK YOU to all the lovely people who added B-roll to their alerts, glad to have you onboard :)**

**This will probably be it until next weekend, maybe earlier, maybe later; RL is kicking my ass right now.**

**So much love to you all.**

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